


How to properly say thank you

by Reinerubin



Category: xxxHoLic
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Blow Jobs, Conflicted Emotions, First Everything, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Frottage, Horny Teenagers, Idiots in Love, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Masturbation, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Safe Sane and Consensual, Semi-Public Sex, Smut, homophobia mention, sexual identity crisis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-25
Updated: 2020-06-08
Packaged: 2021-02-18 12:23:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 48,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21561079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reinerubin/pseuds/Reinerubin
Summary: After his friend saved his life -again- Watanuki was left with some feelings to deal with. Little he knew that the ride was long and full of desire.Take place after chapter 22 and 23 from the xxxHolic anime and part of the xxxHolic: Kei anime.Or, my vision about Watanuki falling in love with Doumeki, and having a happy ending, because I can’t stand the pain, and because they’re teenagers in love, ensured smut.
Relationships: Doumeki Shizuka/Watanuki Kimihiro
Comments: 89
Kudos: 186





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello to everyone!  
> I'm super late to this fandom, I saw the anime in August and shortly after I read the two mangas. Like many others, I was unhappy about it, and as I said I cannot stand the pain and unhappy endings, so I have been writing this fic since then to give the boys some happiness. 
> 
> This fic is completed, I'm currently editing the latest chapters. 
> 
> Beforehand, I would like to say that English is not my first langue, and It took me so long to write it because of that. Forgive my mistakes, although, if you pointed them to me I would be grateful and I'll try to fix them. 
> 
> This fic is rated 'Explicit' for future sexual content, so be minding on that. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy it as much as I did when writing it.

**CHAPTER 1**

Yuuko had warned him but, he with his immaturity and foolishness ignored her, and now he was lying in bed thinking of his choices.

He almost disappears, no, he almost _died_ and if it wasn't for Doumeki he probably wouldn't be awake now. He felt stupid for allowing his emotions and loneliness take over him and made reckless decisions. Especially after Yuuko’s warning.

Still, after all, the worst part was to know that Doumeki saved his dumb ass. Again.

"Have you decided what to do about Doumeki?" Yuuko asked him after a few days.

He stopped midway his task and pursed his lips. He didn't want to talk about it.

"I see. Maybe you could start with a _thank you_ , he has been saving your life a lot lately" she commented absently.

The truth always hurt and his pride was already hurt but, not quite enough yet.

He didn't understand why Doumeki was doing all of these things: walking him home, to work, keep him company in the jobs that Yuuko gave him, even if that involved risking his own life.

What on earth was worth that risk? What he possibly could gain for this?

Watanuki shook his head, he didn’t need to comprehend his reasons, whatever Doumeki was getting in exchange it wasn’t his business.

For the first time, Watanuki was thankful to have to work all the weekend in the shop, he couldn’t face Doumeki, not now, he was conflicted and could barely look him in the eyes.

On Monday, he cooked lunch to share with Himawari, he lied to himself and packed an extra bento, just in case.

When he saw Doumeki walk past him that day something felt different.

"Hold on," his tongue was faster than his mind. "You can come to lunch if you want to."

A small smile formed on Doumeki’s face. It was the first time he saw him smiling.

The lunch seemed enough to settle down the things for the moment. They ate like any other day, it was very helpful that Himawari was very chatty, Doumeki didn’t say much as usual and he had a lot of things to process.

"Himawari, can I ask you something?" he found himself asking her a couple of days after.

"Sure," she said looking at him.

"What do you do for a friend, to thanks him for something good that he has done for you"

Even if for Doumeki everything seemed fine, he still felt immensely guilty. He needed to retribute what Doumeki did for him. He could almost _hear_ those damns words in the look that Yuuko gave him every time she picked up the subject: “What are you going to do, Watanuki?

He needed to find a way to give his friend something, something enough to say 'thank you for saving my life', but still keeping it cool, he didn’t want to give Doumeki the satisfaction of the realization that he was grateful.

He laughed at himself, he was a real dumbass, didn't he? He owed Doumeki something as valuable as saving his life, how he could pay off his debt? Did even exist something like that?

"Hmm... that's a tricky question," Himawari began. "It depends on the person but, I think everything that comes from your heart will be well accepted. You can always buy them a gift or make something yourself, even spend quality time with them could be alright"

Watanuki wished he could explain to her what had happened but, he felt ashamed. What Himawari was going to think of him? Like if something you can buy at the store was going to retribute what Doumeki did for him.

That night in the solitude of his home, Watanuki decided that he need to do something about it soon, he wasn't going to allow himself to owe more to Doumeki. It has been two weeks since the incident, he needed to settle peace with his friend and with himself.

"You're thinking too loud Watanuki," Yuuko said the next day.

"Huh?" Watanuki’s answer died when he saw her look.

"I don't need to be a witch to know that there's something on your mind"

"It’s just school, don't worry" he evaded, hoping that Yuuko will drop the subject. He didn’t want another memo of his debt.

"I need you with a clear mind then, I have a little job for you," she paused "and I'm sure we'll need Doumeki too"

Yikes, just what he needed.

It was a full moon night, he could see the spirits and other presences nearby, so he tried to mask his fear. At this point, he expected that after all those years with spirits harassing him, he would be used to them but, it still made him felt nauseous and weak at the knees when he saw something creeping out the corner.

Lucky for him; even if those weren’t his own words, with Doumeki next to him, at least they weren't chasing him.

Yuuko gave him a simple task and he understood why on any other night he would have been fine by himself but, tonight maybe something bad could have happened to him. He shivered at his thoughts.

"Are you cold?" Doumeki asked him on their way back to Watanuki's home.

"No, just... tired, I guess"

"We didn't do much"

"I KNOW. But, I have been working for Yuuko in a non-stop year, I need vacations" Watanuki yawned.

"We should go to the mountain or the countryside" Doumeki suggested just so casually.

Watanuki looked at his friend walking next to him with an impassible face as he proposed vacations _together_ like it was nothing. 'At least, he didn't say the beach' Watanuki thought, maybe he remembered that he didn't enjoy going to the ocean.

He bit down his tongue to avoid saying something problematic, he recalled that he still needs to fix the things between them, an argument was unnecessary.

"Sounds nice" he finally said.

They were arriving at his home, Watanuki took a long breath to compose himself, 'Why I'm nervous? it's no big deal, it's just a meal!', he repeated on his mind.

"Hey," he talked before regretted it. "My landlords have given me some salmon that his son brought them when he went fishing, and It's too much food for myself... I'm going to cook it this Sunday, um, so- "

"I'll be here by midday" Doumeki cut him.

Watanuki wanted to be mad at him but, he was getting too embarrassed to end the question.

"Sure, whatever" he dismissed the topic.

During the week, Watanuki found himself thinking of new ways to cook the salmon. He even had brought some of it to the shop, to try new recipes. Of course, Yuuko and Mokona love them all, which was good but, at the same time it wasn't, he wanted to do something special, even though he was partly denying his thoughts.

On Saturday evening after work, he cleaned and arranged his place. Doumeki had already been here before and he didn't seem to mind the small space or the old look of the building. The shrine where he lives was a beautiful place but, like a lot of things that surrounded him, Doumeki didn't seem to care.

On Sunday he woke up earlier than usual to go to the market to get some fresh vegetables. On his way back, he was surprised to see Doumeki standing next to the main gate.

"Do you know that it's rude to arrive early?" he punctuated looking at his watch.

"Hm"

"And you still decided to come an hour before?"

"I was done with my duties and I'm hungry"

"You're unbearable." He complained while he gave Doumeki some of his groceries to carry. "You're totally helping out." he said while they entered his home.

"Do you know It's rude to ask your guest for help?"

"And you know it's also rude to show up at the house where you're invited without bringing anything?!" Watanuki snapped back at him.

Doumeki put his hand inside the bag he was carrying and took out a package.

"Did you bring food to me to cook it for you?" Watanuki asked irritated.

"Yeah, weren't you going to do the same anyway?"

_Touché._

"You jerk" Watanuki whispered under his breath and decided to focus on their food. He needed to make this meal the best one he had ever prepared, that way he would feel less guilty about everything else.

Doumeki ate everything he gave him and by the end of their lunch, he didn't know if it was just fine or especially good.

"Thanks for the food" Doumeki said putting the chopsticks over the rice bowl.

"Did you enjoy it?" He asked.

‘What the heck did I say?’, he thought too late. He knew the food was good, he didn’t need Doumeki’s approval.

Doumeki looked at him in a way that he could only interpret as “surprise face”, which was basically a slight eyebrow rising.

"Yeah, everything you cook It's always delicious" He casually replied while standing up to the sink with the dishes.

Watanuki felt his cheeks blush. Did he compliment him?.

"It's ok, I can wash them, you’ll break something," He said quickly when Doumeki turned on the faucet.

They stood next to each other in silence, while he washed the dishes and the other dry them.

Watanuki’s mind was working too fast and his anxiety wasn’t helping him to say what he needed to.

"I have something to tell you" He announced before his pride ate him alive, in a tone too high to be considered a normal voice.

Doumeki kept his straight face but his eyes were attentive.

"I... You..." He breathed again.

‘Relax, relax’, he repeated in his mind.

"I never got the opportunity to say 'thank you' when you..." he gestured vaguely with his hand, it was still hard to talk about it "…you… _saved me_ … and I guess that I'll be always in debt with you for that, I mean, not ALWAYS, but… you know…" he was rambling while furiously scrubbing a plate.

He didn't hope too much from Doumeki's side, a grunt or a nod, but the silence wasn't it.

"Is that what this lunch was for?" Doumeki turned his body towards him while questioning him, a bit harsh in his opinion.

Watanuki looked at him with open eyes, was this stupid prick going to making him feel bad for his effort? He already knew that a meal wasn't enough but he needed to start somewhere.

He felt the anger bubbling inside him, hiding his deeply hurt feelings.

Doumeki was looking at him so intensely, that for a moment he considered smack him across the face to make him stop.

"I... Are you this id-" Watanuki didn't have the chance to finish his sentence cause Doumeki closed the space between them by pressing their lips together.

The kiss surprised him so much, he was paralyzed, he saw Doumeki's eyes close while he kept their mouths together, and in the same way that the kiss began, it ended.

Both stared at each other, he was shocked and Doumeki’s expression was unreadable.

What was happening?

"It was a very good lunch, thank you," Doumeki said, "You don't have to worry about it, it’s fine"

And just like that, carelessly, Doumeki walked to the front door, put on his shoes, and leave his home with a 'see you tomorrow'.

Watanuki observed his closed door for the longest time, still wordless.

Did Doumeki just kiss him? Was he dreaming?

He touched his lips, there was a slight tingle sensation.

The bastard was his first kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note 12/21/2020: Hey! I fixed some stuff here and there. I also decided to use quotation marks instead of the Spanish dash for dialogues. I'll do my best to update this fic during the summer (well, at least for me it's summer here)


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The eye exchange. Watanuki realizes some trues regarding Doumeki who finally get some recognition.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again and thank you for joining me for chapter two. 
> 
> The first part of this chapter is about the Jorogumo incident and the eye thing. I used the anime dialogues, so all credit to CLAMP. 
> 
> After that, Watanuki has to deal with the aftermath and some realizations about Doumeki.
> 
> Enjoy!

** CHAPTER 2 **

"Hey" he heard Doumeki's usual greeting when he passed by his shrine one morning.

"How many times do I have to say it? I have a name, so don’t just call me _hey_." He shouted back at his friend.

"Perfect timing. Help me out"

"Listen when someone is talking to you!" he complained even though Doumeki wasn’t listening to him anymore.

Watanuki sighed. He ended up helping him to sweep the courtyard anyway.

Lately, it surprised Watanuki that, even if Doumeki is a quiet boy and lacks facial expressions, somehow, they manage to engage in efficient conversations. When Doumeki was cooperative (and not a jerk) they usually get along well. That morning was one of those days, they talked about school, Yuuko’s shop, and even about lunch, which is always Doumeki’s concern.

While he angrily rambled about his gluttony, his arm got caught in a spider web. Little he knew that everything was about to change.

Doumeki played it down like dust but, as soon as he fell and a spider web was traced over his face, Watanuki knew they were in a serious situation. And even then, when he was unsure about what to do and was panicking, Doumeki’s quiet voice gave him a sense of calm.

He still went to Yuuko’s shop, entering screaming for help.

“He has fallen victim to a grudge. A spider’s” she simply said, silencing him.

It was his fault, again, so he did what it felt right, an equivalent trade: He gave his eye.

Doumeki wasn’t happy about it, au contraire, and Watanuki has never seen him as angry as he was at that moment. It felt so wrong. They argued and avoided each other to the point of weeks of not talking. He tried to spend his new time with Himawari but the back of his mind always went back to his friend.

"Does your eye hurt?" Doumeki asked him one day when he went to give him back a book.

‘He shouldn’t worry about it’, he thought.

"Don’t surprise me, idiot. It doesn’t hurt, it’s nothing" he lied.

Doumeki seemed sad and against all predictions, it made _him_ feel sad and worried, as much as deciding that he never wanted to see that uneasy expression again on his face, it wasn’t right.

"It’s okay to not go to your part-time job? Or, if you want to help out with cleaning the temple, the broom is over there" Doumeki mentioned when he noticed him staring at the books he carried.

Was he looking for a way to reverse the curse?

Watanuki talked to Yuuko, he didn’t want Doumeki to do anything else, why he couldn’t leave things as is?

"As it was your choice, it’s also Doumeki’s right to make one" Yuuko pointed out.

Watanuki wondered if they would be stuck in a forever loop of stubbornness to help and sacrificed for each other.

And if things couldn’t get any worse, the Zashiki Warashi was captured by the Jorogumo when she tried to gain back his eye and he couldn’t bear another person getting hurt for doing something for him.

The encounter was terrifying, he saw how the Jorogumo ate his eye, no chance to get it back now but, he was able to save the Zashiki Warashi.

"My right eye was eaten" he later commented to Yuuko.

"It won’t return"

"There is something I have learned"

The words of the Jorogumo repeated again and again on his head, she was right, and the lesson’s cost was an eye.

But then Yuuko extended his arm to reveal in his palm a golden sphere.

"Half of Doumeki’s right eye" she answered his mental question.

He looked at it, suddenly moved to the core.

"Swallow it" Yuuko instructed him.

His whole body tingled, a light warm feeling took over him and lured him to sleep.

"You don’t belong only to yourself; you know?" he heard Yuuko whisper before drifting off to unconsciousness.

The next morning, he saw his blue eye paired with a golden one. A lifetime memory that someone cares about him.

He would accept Doumeki’s gift.

In a meditative silence, he prepared lunch for him. Once, the old fortuneteller lady had told him that his food was so precious because he made it with his heart so, he procured to make everything with the sincerest gratitude towards his friend.

Still, no one needed to know that, he would keep it to himself.

His heart skipped fast inside his chest when he saw Doumeki again, he could have said ‘thank you’, instead, the words got trapped in his throat and he rambled about nonsense to camouflages his real intentions.

"We’ll share the burden," Doumeki said, taking the bento for carrying it to school.

Still, he felt that those words didn’t strictly apply to that moment, after all, they will always be part of each other now. Especially when they realized that they shared part of the vision now.

It made him feel like he no longer had privacy and Doumeki explaining to him that he had been only able to see through his shared eye when his feelings were intensified, wasn’t any better. It was terrible at the beginning; he didn’t know what kind of emotions would project through Doumeki’s eye and lived in paranoia for a couple of weeks. Honestly, it was all Yuuko’s fault and her contracts’ fine prints.

However, slowly and surprisingly, things started to improve between them. The bond and the experience they shared, created a new dynamic in their relationship. Watanuki noticed how Doumeki treated him with more respect and himself stop screaming at him for no reason.

He still teased him and joked around about being an idiot but there was some kind of fondness in those words.

They still did jobs and errands for Yuuko and as they spend more and more time together, he felt the bond grow on him, like an evergreen. Although he still pushed back those calming images, he wasn’t ready to accept them. While he classified them into the suppressed memories, he remembered _the kiss._

‘Oh, yeah, that happened’

Technically, it wasn’t _a kiss_. Period. It was more like a two-lips-pressed-together-thing. Period.

After the incident, things were awkward the first days, but only from his side. Doumeki didn’t seem to care, he acted like nothing happened and it made him feel like a fool. But when your principal concern is getting home alive, a kiss from your friend isn’t exactly what you worry about.

He sighed, he always imagined Himawari being his first kiss but, life has never been fair to him, so why start now?

Now, with the fresh memory back to his conscious brain side, he couldn’t stop wondering _why_. Doumeki didn’t seem like a person who would mess up with him in that way. He wasn't the type of guy who liked dudes, he was practically the embodiment of masculinity with his broad shoulders and his ridiculous good-looking face.

His stomach felt tight. He didn’t find him attractive. Nope. Not at all.

However, the most he tried to prove himself wrong, the most he found himself staring at him. He became conscious of it in a math class where they were sitting next to each other. Doumeki was good in math, he was already done with his exercises while he was struggling with the 3rd one.

"Watanuki, come to write the next exercise please" the teacher called him to the front.

"Crap" he murmured under his breath; he probably should have put more effort into his exercise instead of thinking about his friend.

He sighed and stood up but before he left his desk, Doumeki gave him his exercise sheet.

"You had it wrong" he pointed when he sat down again.

Had Doumeki saved him from failure embarrassment in front of all his classmates?

"Why didn’t you tell me before?" he accused half annoyed half embarrassed.

It wasn’t even his responsibility to help him out in that situation and he still did it. Yet, he was scolding him instead of thanking him. Old habits die hard.

"You didn’t ask for help," Doumeki said unbothered, shrugging one shoulder.

Watanuki kept silent while looking at his exercise sheet with many smudges and all his mistakes.

"If…" he stared at Doumeki "If you want to, I can tutor you"

He wanted to say something along the lines “it’s not your problem” or “don’t bother me” but no words came out. Doumeki had his elbow on the desk and his face was relaxed on his palm, his little finger was so close to his lips and suddenly he remembered the kiss. He blinked away the warm feeling sparkling inside him.

‘Why I was looking at his mouth?’

The bell rang and he didn’t have the chance to answer.

A couple of days later, he realized that he was staring at him. Again.

Watanuki tried to fool himself, ‘I was just watching the game, he did an amazing score for his team, and he just happened to clean his forehead with his shirt. Everyone saw his abdomen, no big deal’

His game time was over and he was sat down on the benches. His other classmates went to the court, including Doumeki. His height and solid complexion always gave him an advantage in almost any sport.

Hid under his towel he followed his friend around the court. His strong legs moved and arched while he played. The shorts he wore didn’t hide his thighs, they were firms and he could see the muscles flexing with each step.

Doumeki fooled one of the players with a faux passing, instead, he moved the ball behind his back and jumped to make a clean 3 points score. His team-members cheered and hi-fived him.

For a moment, his shirt lifted and his belly was exposed. Doumeki didn’t seem to notice, he was too involved in the game. Watanuki's breathing stopped and his eyes fixed on the visible skin, his abdomen wasn’t as tanned as the rest of his skin and under his navel was a trace of fine dark hairs that disappear under the waistband of his shorts. The pronounced V line didn’t help to not stare at him and his eyes ended up focused on the bulge between his legs.

Suddenly, his mouth felt dry and he closed his eyes before he could see _something_ bouncing in the shorts.

God, what was he doing?

He buried his face in his hands and recited his grocery list again and again to kill his growing arousal.

"Are we going to support Doumeki in his practice?" Himawari asked him one afternoon, "I’m sure he will be happy to see us"

He had intended to go to work but who was he to let go of an opportunity to be with Himawari? Even if that means to spend their time together watching the idiot.

There weren’t many people around, members of the archery team and some random students, boys and girls. Himawari picked a seat in the last row, after asking him if he could see well. He smiled at her thanking her for her consideration but, in fact, he was grateful; he didn’t want to see Doumeki up close, lately, he had been having some weird epiphanies watching his friend.

Archery wasn’t exactly exciting to watch. He tried to make a small conversation with Himawari, but she was invested, she answered monosyllabic comments or gave him some nods or shakes. After a while, he gave up and decided to actually try to watch his friend.

Doumeki raised and tensed the bow, following each ritual step. He was focused and all his movements were smooth and precise. His arrow flew to the bullseye center and there was a whisper among the other students ‘He’s so good’.

Watanuki rolled his eyes, ‘Of course, there are fangirls here watching him’.

He observed Doumeki placing another arrow and extend his arms to pull the string. Puberty was doing an amazing job with his friend; he was tall and broad with long and steady legs, no awkward angles in his body, and a deep clear voice. He wondered if his arms were muscular and strong too. He supposed that they were, after all, he held him from falling off from the school’s rooftop and he even carried him more times he was comfortable with admitting.

The white loose shirt he wore didn’t hide his wide shoulders and angular back, was it muscular too? He imagined himself sliding his fingers through his shoulder blades… he shook his head in horror, trying to make his blush go away.

He looked back at the practice’s session, Doumeki’s turn was over and he was towel drying his neck, his shirt now slightly more open.

‘Crap’, he thought, ‘crap, crap, crap’

For the first time, he saw it. He saw why girls loved him: he was smart and athletic, kind-hearted, and unbearably good-looking.

If he was going to admit that his friend is handsome -which was already too much to ask to him- it would be normal, right? In the same way, when you see a handsome model or musician, it wasn’t weird, it didn’t mean he liked him -or guys-, he liked Himawari.

Avoiding Doumeki _forever_ wasn’t easy. To begin with, they were classmates, they hang out together at school and in their spare time, and they walked home together almost every day. All that aside from the jobs Yuuko gave them, which usually involved midnight encounters in dubious places.

The only place where Doumeki wasn’t there physically was his home, and still hid under the covers he couldn’t stop thinking about the jerk.

"It’s all Yuuko’s doing," he told himself in front of his mirror. "This is temporary. It’s for this damn eye. It’ll be fine, this feeling is going to go away soon"

He took a deep breath and left his home to meet Doumeki for a job. As he walked to the meeting point, he promised himself to try his best to not make things more awkward.

"Are you cold?" Doumeki asked.

They were walking home after getting Yuuko’s errand when they crossed a parc and a cold wind blew through them and made him shiver.

"No, it's more like... a _déjà vu"_ he clarified, eyes lost somewhere in the bushes. He walked around to the parc’s center with Doumeki following behind. "Is this… Is this the place where they found the little girl?" he whispered when he saw a hydrangea bush.

"Yeah"

Watanuki walked over the bush. He remembered reading something about her in the newspaper. She was finally resting in peace, buried by his family in a proper place. He recalled the fear and the loneliness that she felt. She had been so brave, staying alone for so long and dying alone too.

‘She’s like me’, his subconscious said.

His emotions intensified, his throat obstructed and his knees weakened. Doumeki’s hand came to rest on his back, to hold him to prevent him to fall down.

"Are you okay?" Doumeki’s concerned voice spoke softly.

Watanuki looked at him and for a moment he glimpsed Doumeki’s right eye glow faintly. He knew that when they shared a vision, Doumeki’s own would fade and he had tripped over different things when his point of view changed.

Unconsciously, he cupped Doumeki’s right face side, his thumb pressing onto the skin of the cheekbone.

"Watanuki?" his friend asked, unsure of what to do with the sudden intrusion of his personal space.

His mind remembered what happened that night, how Doumeki stayed under the rain for hours, digging out dirt and soil to find him and then, waited there, holding onto nothing but a ribbon and onto the hope.

He smiled sadly.

"I never got the opportunity to say thank you for your help that day," He admitted lowering his eyes. "It seems that I owe you so much" his voice was weak.

"Don't worry about it" Doumeki insisted, playing down what happened.

Doumeki’s hand was still on his back, present but no pressuring him, like now, he always was there for him, giving him the choice, it was him the one who had to meet him halfway. God, how much his pride has blinded him?

He let go of Doumeki’s face and took his hand, bringing it close to his face. The little touch felt so intimate, after all, they weren’t used to share that kind of affection, well, any kind of physical affection.

"Your hands were wounded for days. I remember seeing you trying to hide your pain while shooting arrows. It must have been horrible" he added.

Doumeki's hand was so warm, but he -even if it was summer- felt cold.

"Finding you was more important"

His eyes widened and his heart started to beat faster.

What were those sweets words? He didn’t know how to react. No one had said something so sweet and so caring to him, no one in a long, long time.

"I'm sorry for being such an idiot" he managed to say keeping their hands together, feeling an intense rush of emotions across his body. All of Doumeki’s actions replaying on his mind.

Doumeki's gaze again was so intense, so much that he felt his cheeks turned pink and warmed up his face but, he held his gaze, examining his face, those beautiful golden eyes were staring now his lips, his jawline was so masculine and… and, had he always used that cologne? A weird sensation inside him throbbed.

"Thank you Doumeki" He murmured coming closer to his face to finally close the distance between them.

He felt Doumeki's body tensed for a moment but then, he let go of a breath that either of them realized he was holding.

Watanuki didn’t really understand why he was kissing him but when he felt Doumeki’s hand cupping his face, he pressed up even harder. He parted his lips, caressing Doumeki’s, feeling his tongue -like a thirsty cat- licking his mouth, deepening the kiss.

An Adrenaline’s shot crossed his body when he felt his tongue inside his mouth and he locked his arms behind Doumeki’s head, to pull his body closer. Doumeki sighed deeply and held him firmly from his back.

It was his first real kiss and it totally felt like one.

Inside him, the throbbing sensation was changing, now it felt like a flame, a flame that Doumeki’s kisses seemed to feed.

Nothing around him existed anymore, he forgot about time and where he was, the only things that matter were their bodies pressed together and their hungry mouths exploring each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note 12/26/2020: fixed some stuff. 
> 
> *** 
> 
> Like the last chapter, I'm sorry for any grammatical mistakes. 
> 
> ̶I̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶s̶o̶ ̶s̶u̶r̶e̶ ̶a̶b̶o̶u̶t̶ ̶"̶c̶o̶n̶t̶r̶a̶c̶t̶s̶’̶ ̶s̶m̶a̶l̶l̶ ̶p̶r̶i̶n̶t̶s̶"̶,̶ ̶b̶u̶t̶ ̶C̶o̶l̶l̶i̶n̶s̶ ̶D̶i̶c̶t̶i̶o̶n̶a̶r̶y̶ ̶s̶a̶i̶d̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶w̶o̶r̶d̶ ̶I̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶ ̶l̶o̶o̶k̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶f̶o̶r̶,̶ ̶a̶n̶y̶w̶a̶y̶,̶ ̶w̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶d̶o̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶t̶h̶i̶n̶k̶?̶ ̶I̶t̶'̶s̶ ̶f̶i̶n̶e̶ ̶o̶r̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶r̶e̶ ̶a̶r̶e̶ ̶m̶o̶r̶e̶ ̶c̶a̶s̶u̶a̶l̶ ̶w̶o̶r̶d̶s̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶e̶x̶p̶r̶e̶s̶s̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶p̶a̶r̶t̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶c̶o̶n̶t̶r̶a̶c̶t̶ ̶w̶r̶i̶t̶t̶e̶n̶ ̶i̶n̶ ̶a̶ ̶s̶m̶a̶l̶l̶ ̶s̶i̶z̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶m̶i̶g̶h̶t̶ ̶i̶n̶c̶l̶u̶d̶e̶ ̶u̶n̶f̶a̶v̶o̶r̶a̶b̶l̶e̶ ̶c̶o̶n̶d̶i̶t̶i̶o̶n̶s̶?̶ - Thank you twixpie. 
> 
> Also, I tend to write a lot, so I limited myself to around 2000 words per chapter. This chapter is a bit longer to compensate for the first +700 words from the Jorogumo part, which was already part of the original series. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading and for all the kind comments in the last chapter too. It made me happy. I'm eager to read your thoughts about this chapter too.
> 
> See you next Monday for the update.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now what?

** CHAPTER 3 **

"Did you clean all the desks?"

"Yeah, I just have to dust the bookshelf, and I’ll be done"

"Good"

Doumeki sat on one of the desks and watched Watanuki do his final task.

"If you help, we could be done sooner, don’t you think?" he asked ironically.

"I don’t want to 'ruin it', as you said" Doumeki commented crossing his arms.

"Idiot," he said turning back to finish his task.

All the people at school, why he always ended up with him?

"Here" Doumeki offered him a water bottle when he was done.

"Thanks" He grabbed it, feeling the heat difference between Doumeki’s warms hands and the cold bottle.

A chill ran across his spine.

‘It was just a kiss,’ he repeated mentally again to calm down the sensation on his skin. ‘A willingly kiss... A very _good_ willingly kiss’, he tipped his water bottle and drank, trying to drown his thoughts.

He couldn’t deny it anymore, that kiss had put his world upside down. He had kissed his friend, enthusiastically no less, and now he didn’t know what the hell to do. He couldn’t even meet his eyes after that night, because it made him blush and made him remember how good it had felt. How good _he_ had felt.

What was going to happen now? Were they going to ignore it like last time? He had the impression that now more than ever Doumeki’s eyes were glued to him. At least he hadn’t tried to kiss him again, and it had already been a week. Not that he was counting days.

He pretended to be drinking while he observed Doumeki gulping down the water, his Adam's apple moved, and he could practically _feel_ the pulse of his neck.

"Something wrong?" Doumeki’s question pulled him out of his trance.

Watanuki suddenly was aware of their closeness. He tried to step back but, a desk blocked his way, and Doumeki’s legs didn’t give him too much space.

"There’s water on your chin" his words died while he focused on his mouth and the water drop there.

When he came back to reality again, he realized that they were kissing. He panicked, they were at school after all, and quickly he separated from Doumeki’s mouth… Wait, when his hands grabbed his hips?

"It’s okay," Doumeki said but, he was already leaving the room covering his mouth with his cheeks so red that someone might misinterpret it as fever.

Classes were over for the day yet, he didn't realize it at the moment. Lately, his mind always seemed to be off somewhere else. He sighed, and let his head rest over his arms on his desk while looking at the clear blue sky. He could hear his classmates’ goodbyes and rumbles around the classroom but, it didn’t matter to him.

He closed his eyes and tried not to think about what has been happening in his dreams and how good they felt when he dreamed of Doumeki. He buried his face down in his arms, hiding the blush of his face.

"I hate you so much," he said, despising the vulnerable feeling inside him, that feeling that made him crave the proximity and attention of his friend like a stupid teenager in love. Wich, he definitely wasn't one.

"Hey," he repeated "Are you ok?" he asked crouching down next to him and using his desk for support.

Watanuki turned his face to look at him. God, he hated his stupid good-looking face so much.

"I’m fine," he answered him. "Let’s go" He intended to straighten but, Doumeki’s hand grabbed him by the nape and pressed their mouths together.

He gave in for a millisecond before pushing him.

"Are you insane?!"

He turned around his head ready to face all his classmates’ looks of disapproval just to find themselves alone in the classroom.

"I’m not that reckless" Doumeki commented.

"We can’t do that here!" he pointed agitatedly.

" _Soo_ , we can do it in other places?" Doumeki inquired with an amused expression.

‘Since when this idiot has other facial expressions?’, he asked himself.

"Idiot," he told him, feeling his face getting warmer while he put his things away.

"It's that a yes?" He added this time, leaning his face to meet his eyes.

Before Doumeki could say another stupid thing, he grabbed him by his shirt and yanked him against him for a quick, harsh kiss.

"Let’s go before Yuuko kills me" he stood up and walked away, not making eye contact because he was sure that Doumeki was wearing his stupid arrogant expression.

Without much fuss, he let Doumeki gave him a peck as a good-bye, not completely acknowledge the full extension of the permission until Doumeki kissed him again and then again for the next days.

Kissing was a very good feeling and a very addictive one. He knew that probably his kisses sucked, sometimes he was too eager and there was too much tongue and teeth clashing. Still, Doumeki didn’t complain and let him explore and adjust until both found a placid pace.

Soon, it became a nameless thing between them that grew over time. Many things were left unspoken, as Watanuki was still processing the 'why am I doing this?', and every time he believed to have found an answer, Doumeki was kissing him all over again and he was back at the beginning.

He tried different excuses to justify himself, maybe it was out of loneliness, maybe it was for the lack of proximity and human contact, maybe it was the excitement of the first experiences or their bond, or just everything together.

Did it really matter? At least for Doumeki, it seemed not.

As days passed by, Watanuki stopped to count who kissed who first because now he found himself wanting to kiss Doumeki all the time, wherever it was possible. He never thought that he'd miss the tingle feeling that their kisses left on his lips or the warmth inside his body, and it seemed that Doumeki felt the same, for the way that he kissed him after a long week of not being able to find privacy.

Doumeki had dragged him to one of the changing rooms, pinned him against a locker, and kissed him as if their lives depended on it. Watanuki was becoming fond of the feeling of Doumeki's arms around him and the smell of his body, he loved how light head he felt. But, they were at school, and soon enough some students began to enter the room, they separate quickly, afraid of what could happen to them if they were discovered making out.

If it was normal and expected for a heterosexual couple to not share public affection gestures for a two-boys-something it was even harder. They couldn't be closer and less kiss each other openly. It made Watanuki experience frustration that he didn’t know before.

They could only share discrete looks when they crossed paths at school. Outside wasn’t any better, people stare them if they were too close, too intimate for two men, and after a group of boys gave them a repulsive look when they caught Doumeki giving him a peck on his cheek, they stopped any kind of proximity that could show their status.

Watanuki feared that they might end up being beaten for it and he was not going to risk their integrity for a kiss, so still regretting the loss of affection, they chose discretion.

They tried their best to keep it a secret at the same time they kept up with Yuuko’s side jobs and errands, going to school and sharing lunches with Himawari. It was what it was.

"Doumeki is very popular," Himawari commented one day. "Most of my girl-friends have a crush on him"

They were in an archery practice and he was distracted by a group of nearby girls. He could see them talk and gossip about Doumeki.

Watanuki knew the “Doumeki-effect” now that he was experiencing it himself even so it left him with a weird feeling the realization that so many girls fancied him.

"And you Himawari? Do you like Doumeki?" He asked out of curiosity, without knowing what to expect from that question.

There were still feelings for her, he couldn't pretend the contrary however, each day that he spent with Doumeki made him felt so different about so many things.

"He’s a handsome boy, just like you Watanuki," she said. "But, I don’t have any romantic feelings for him, both of you are my friends"

He blushed for the compliment still, he also felt a little disappointed.

A big part of his teenage years he wished to be something more for her, he dreamed of becoming her boyfriend but, now she has said -several times- that Doumeki and he were her friends, closing any chance for romance.

His heart was confused, he was sad and at the same time relieved, what could have happened if Himawari liked Doumeki too?

"You’re my friend too Himawari" he commented with a fake smile.

That weird thing between them didn't have a name and it honestly didn't bother Watanuki.

A name will mean more commitment, a step that he was so unsure of taking, considering their safety and also that he didn’t understand his feelings and less Doumeki’s. He would prefer sticking to kissing and nothing else. Relationships were a complicated thing.

"I have practice today," Doumeki said while Watanuki was getting ready to left school and go to work.

" _I know"_ Watanuki answered him, holding his gaze.

He wanted to close the space between them and give him a good-bye kiss, this was going to be the last time they see each other for the day.

So much to say but, it seemed Doumeki could read his mind or even sense his own thoughts.

" _I know"_ he replied.

Both keep walking in different directions.

"Watanuki, are you going home? Do you want to walk together?" Himawari asked when they both ran into each other in the hallway.

"Himawari! Sure, let's go"

They changed their shoes and left the building but, Himawari forgot a book that she needed from the library, so they walk back to school.

While she was inside, Watanuki saw Doumeki walking with his bow towards the training field, he looked so handsome in his practice’s uniform.

Watanuki also noticed a girl that was following him and they stopped to talk.

"Doumeki is popular among girls" Himawari commented when she came back.

"Do you know her?" he asked.

"Yeah, we both take music together, she sings really nice," Himawari added. "A couple of weeks ago she asked me if Doumeki was single, she has a crush on him. It seems that she finally got the courage to confess"

Watanuki froze in place as jealousy filled his heart. He looked back to where the couple was talking, he saw Doumeki make a little reverence and keep walking. He couldn't see how the girl reacted because her friends arrived and filled her with questions. Although he didn't want to know, it made him felt nauseous, so he just walked away with Himawari.

That scene felt like a punch in the stomach.

He was aware of Doumeki’s popularity, at the beginning, he felt jealous of him and he couldn’t understand why girls liked him. Now, it seems that he still felt jealous but for others, completely different, reasons.

At night he couldn't sleep, he felt unconnected to his own mind as new feelings invaded him. He had come to peace with the idea of kissing his friend, he tried to fool himself by thinking that this was just kisses but, now he felt uneasy and hurt.

He wasn’t ready to date Doumeki and at the same time, the idea of Doumeki dating someone else made him sick.

When he fell asleep, he dreamed of Doumeki kissing him, it was a pleasant dream until he realizes that Doumeki was kissing a girl, and he was just a spectator.

"She isn't complicated. She doesn't see ghosts. She doesn't expose me to danger. I can kiss her and hold his hand. Girls are so much better" a voice repeated inside his mind while Doumeki's back was held by a pair of feminine arms.

He woke up feeling heartbroken.

The summer break was about to begin, he could hear his classmate talk about it. Sadly, planning a vacation trip has never been a worry for him. Or a possibility. Most likely, he would have to work harder for Yuuko.

He would miss Himawari but, she promised him that after her family trip they would go for an ice-cream.

"Sometimes I feel that I’m Yuuko’s slave, she can be so demanding" Watanuki commented, crossing his arms behind his head. 

"Are you going to spend all the summer break working?" Doumeki asked him.

"Yeah. I don’t get to go to places"

Doumeki didn’t respond, he seemed focused on his own thoughts, his brows were furrowed.

"What about you?," he asked back, trying to keep up the conversation, "Are you going to go somewhere?"

"I have to work at the shrine, I must help my family"

"I see"

Watanuki didn’t know what else to say and they walked to the shop in silence.

He wondered what was going to happen between them now that the summer break began. They didn’t have a reason to see each other every day and for what it seemed for their small talk, both were going to be busy.

He felt conflicted, he wanted to see Doumeki again -soon preferably- but, with no excuse, he couldn’t just show up to his house and hang out, right?

He was too stubborn to do that.

Before he could find a solution to his worries, Yuuko’s shop came to his view and for Doumeki an empty field.

The silence was getting too long and none of them made any effort to break it, either to walk away for the other.

"So… I’ll see you around" Doumeki eventually said.

Watanuki looked at him with an expectant expression, unable to say what he really wanted to.

"Yeah… sure" he responded in a low voice trying to hide his disappointment.

Doumeki move one foot towards him, he seemed unsure of what to do and that was so odd for him, Watanuki always pictured him as a decisive person. Doumeki sighed and came closer to him, he looked around to check if there were people and kissed him on the corner of his mouth when he was sure no-one would see them. It was a chaste peck, too short in Watanuki’s opinion but, it was better than nothing.

He touched his face where the kiss was placed and watched his friend walk away and disappear into a few streets down.

It was going to be a long summer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note 12/27/2020: update some stuff.
> 
> ***
> 
> Thank you for joining me for chapter three, I hope you enjoyed it :) 
> 
> We had some progress in the relationship and some bumps too. 
> 
> I wanted to mention, in the manga, in chapter 21 (Valentine's day) Doumeki saw Watanuki in a classroom and jumped through the window and then eat the valentine's chocolate. I found it hilarious, so I had to use that interaction. 
> 
> Thank you for the kudos and comments in the last chapter, I appreciate them. 
> 
> See you next week.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summer, some realizations and a no-date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In xxxHolic: Rei they "have" flip phones, that’s my poor excuse.

** CHAPTER 4 **

The first summer days he worked hard; he made a schedule to plan his weeks, and like last year Yuuko needed to clean her ‘treasure room’ -more likely “the trash-room”- and re-arrange it. He kept his mind busy with no time to think about his love life. He counted on Yuuko’s jobs as an excuse to see Doumeki again but, she hasn’t been assigning him errands lately. He sighed and kept dusting the treasure room.

Before all this mess, he used to worry about dinner or being on time to the market to grab the fresher vegetables, and now that felt irrelevant. Lately, whatever he was doing, his thoughts went to his friend, and there was a growing need of being near him, and he ended up blushing for his dreams.

During the day he stared at his phone’s screen where he had saved a text for Doumeki that he had written out of the blue, he wanted to talk to him only he didn't dare to send it, so he kept saving it and putting away his phone.

“What troubles you, dear?” Yuuko asked one evening after watched him carefully.

“Just wondering when I’m going to get some days off so I could enjoy summer a bit” he hurried up to say.

Yuuko and Mokona laughed and he rolled his eyes.

“I’ll let you know when the time comes, there are some things we need to do first” she said slowly exhaling smoke.

The next day, while he waited for the oven to finish his baking, he found himself staring at his phone's screen again. He had re-write the text a thousand times and still, he couldn’t get any phrase to sound casual to speak with his friend after days.

‘If he is interested, he could text me too’, he thought, as he realized that Doumeki hadn’t called him or make any intent to contact him either.

‘Probably he doesn't care anymore, or maybe...'

“Watanuki, Watanuki” Maru, and Moro came to the kitchen interrupting his thoughts.

“What happened?” both danced around him.

“The mistress has a client”

“She needs the tea”

How absorbed was he on his phone that he didn’t hear the client coming in?

“I’ll be right there”

He got ready a teapot, some cookies and carried the tray to the main area. He always tried to be prudent, especially when the client seems deeply affected like the girl now sat across Yuuko, she was silently crying and somehow it broke his heart.

“You should try the cookies,” Yuuko suggested “They are homemade”

The girl tried to smile at him while she grabbed one from the plate, she seemed young, around his age.

“I baked them” He added encouraging her.

The girl took a bite and her face lighted up.

“They are really good, thank you”

Watanuki smiled at her.

“I’m glad you enjoy them. Please eat as much as you want” he insisted on placing the tray in the middle of the table. He made a small reverence and left the women to talk.

At night, he made dinner and served it to Yuuko, it was usually his last task for the day, and he could go home.

“You’re worried about the girl” Yuuko mentioned when he didn’t leave immediately.

“She seemed so sad”

“Well, she is” Yuuko sighed.

Watanuki watched her drank some wine.

“I’ll let you know all the details tomorrow, now, go to get some rest”

The next day Yuuko was waiting for him, ready to go to pick up the payment from the girl. They walked some good blocks, he wondered if with the heat it would have been more efficient to take the bus or even use one of Yuuko’s portals but, he didn’t question his boss.

At the client’s house, Watanuki watched them have small talk and the girl handled to Yuuko a sealed box; it was heavy when Yuuko gave it to him to hold it while she gave her a small round crystal. He wondered what her wish was.

“Tell me Watanuki, have you ever been truly in love?” Yuuko asked when they sat down to drink some cold water.

He felt a bit awkward.

“Ah… yeah, Himawari…” he said yet, it felt like a half-lie.

“Last year you weren’t able to tell me why do you like her, what about now?” she asked while placing her chin on her palm.

Watanuki remembered that evening, and how he couldn’t add more adjectives that “cute” and “kind”.

“I see” she commented when no answer came. “This girl felt in love with the wrong person, well, that's what she thinks of”

“The wrong person? An older man?” It was kind of common for high school girls to have a crush on their teachers after all.

“No”

“Then?”

“She felt in love with her best friend, a girl”

Watanuki’s eyes opened in surprise and tried to hide the gasp that left his lips. Did Yuuko know what was happening between Doumeki and him and that’s why they were having this conversation?

“She made a choice and confessed her feelings however, they weren’t well-received”

“Then she made a mistake?”

“There are no right or wrong choices Watanuki dear”

“But…”

He couldn’t help but think that maybe if she hadn’t confessed, they could still be friends, however, for how long? How long a person can hide his true feelings? His heart pounded inside his chest.

“Instead of regretting what we cannot do, it is better to do what one can”

Watanuki looked at her, he was getting used to her slices of wisdom delivered in the moments when he didn’t know he needed them the most.

"We don’t get to choose who we love but, we can choose who we spend our time with" Yuuko sentenced.

He always knew that gay people existed and also the people who rejected them, in his own country was still a taboo topic. Even for himself wasn’t easy to accept that he might be one, after all, he was involved in a same-sex relationship. Still, his only interest was his friend and no other boys, so maybe he wasn’t that bad. Yet sadness invaded him, they could never be open about their relationship, Japan was too traditional for a relationship of that nature, they would be seen as freaks and marginalized for it, facing judgmental people, co-workers, and even friends.

Was Doumeki aware of that? Did he want to face all those troubles just to be with him?

He had grown surrounded by care and love in a traditional family, he had never had to face unconsidered looks and the feeling of just not fit in the society like him, an orphan boy who saw spirits. Doumeki wasn’t a misfit like him, why did he risk so much?

He started to feel a headache forming. Why it must be so complicated?

Yuuko stood up, interrupting his train of thoughts.

"Well, I have some business to attend this weekend. You can go home Watanuki and return to the shop on Monday" she said smiling at him.

After she left, he sat there for a long time, looking at the text that he hasn’t been able to send. Life is short, why is it so hard to fight his pride?

He stood up and walked to Doumeki’s temple, his heart was hurt and he needed to see him again.

When he arrived, he saw a lot of people working for the summer festival. He wandered around until he saw him, helping to hang some lanterns on the trees. When Doumeki noticed him, he excused himself and walked towards him.

"Hey" Doumeki greeted him.

"You seem busy" Watanuki commented, trying hard to not sound accusatory and failing miserably.

"Yeah, we had to deal with some stuff" He said, stretching his arms.

"Oh, I see" Watanuki lowered his eyes, somehow feeling anxious.

Doumeki moved his head to indicated him to follow him and both walked to a more private area in the temple’s courtyard.

"Do you want some ice tea?" Watanuki nodded and Doumeki left for a couple of minutes, he returned with two glasses of peach ice tea.

"Thank you"

"And you? Busy working?" Doumeki asked back, with no trace of irony.

"Kind of…" he murmured playing with the condensed water drops on the glass.

"I had to leave the city with my mom for a couple of days and I forgot my phone at home, that’s why I didn’t text you" He added after a couple of sips.

Watanuki’s eyes popped open and then he scratched his nape looking away.

"I didn't say anything"

"Hm" Doumeki hummed, and Watanuki caught a smirk behind his glass.

His eyes were unsure of where to settle, he felt like Doumeki could read him so easily. He wanted to make small talk and spend time with him but his feelings were mixed up between anger with himself and the rush of emotions that he felt after Yuuko’s words.

"Are you coming to the festival?" Doumeki asked, snapping him off from his thoughts.

"Yuuko gave me the rest of the week off…"

"You should come, it'll be fun"

He finally met his gaze. Doumeki’s eyes were looking particularly good with the dark green _samue_ that he usually wears when he works at the temple. The sleeves were gathered up at his elbows, exposing his strong forearms where a couple of visible veins were traced down to his hands. The _samue_ ’s neck was loose and he could also see his part of collarbones and the movement of his throat when he swallowed.

He was so distracted by the other boy’s neck that when Doumeki came closer and gave him a kiss it caught him by surprise.

"There are people here!" Watanuki exclaimed alarmed, looking around to check if someone saw them. Luckily no one seemed to be watching them.

Doumeki arched an eyebrow and grabbed him by the wrist to drag him to a more private area. They walked to the temple’s pond, behind some trees and bushes, hiding from the public eye.

"You have no sense of shame, don’t you?" Watanuki teased him and his breathing got caught in his throat when Doumeki came closer.

"Neither you do, idiot" He pointed in a rush while grabbing his face with his free hand and kissing him.

His tongue was cold from the ice tea but, it warmed up instantly when it went inside his mouth. It felt so good. Watanuki hugged him desperately behind his neck, pressing their bodies together.

"Someone is eager" Doumeki teased him back, nibbling his lower lip.

"Shut up and kiss me, you idiot" he demanded annoyed.

"So bossy" Doumeki’s hand put him closer by his waist.

They heard someone walking closer and quickly pulled away, pretending to drink their almost empty glasses. Watanuki’s heart almost left his chest, how terrible would it be if they were caught in such a compromising situation?

A couple of people passed near them carrying some boxes, chatting animated, they didn’t notice them. When they were out of sight Doumeki dragged him closer again to keep kissing him.

"We should stop… some-… someone might see us" Watanuki tried to say between kisses.

Doumeki pulled away and a not-so-manly sound came out of his mouth in protest.

"Do you really want to stop?" he asked in a whisper next to his ear, his hot breathing hitting his neck, sending tingles across his body.

"F-fuck" he whined softly.

He could feel the small smirk on his friend’s face but, this wasn’t the time to complain and he let him suck his tongue again. The kiss began to heat up and their young bodies were reacting to it. He felt himself getting hard and couldn’t hide a moan when he felt Doumeki’s pressing himself against his hipbone.

Doumeki’s tongue was twisting around his and they were moving to the nearest surface for support, their bodies kept pushing one against the other for proximity. Eventually, Watanuki felt his back hit something and used it for support as Doumeki pressed his hips against his.

The closeness was killing him, his head was spinning and a vertigo feeling took over his stomach. He only wanted to press himself against the steadiness that Doumeki’s body was, and kept pressing himself until disappearing into the heat.

Watanuki freed his mouth to breathe and kissed Doumeki’s neck, he could feel his pulse under his tongue and taste the saltiness of his skin. He lightly sucked his Adam’s apple and made his way down to his collarbones, sucking hard on the skin.

" _Shit"_ he heard Doumeki whisper in a deep breath.

Watanuki’s blood was on fire, his free hand tried to pull apart the _samue_ ’s collar when they heard Doumeki’s name in the distance.

"Crap!"

It was like they were in a trance and they had returned to reality too soon, both were panting and almost out of breath.

"Doumeki!" a girl was calling for him.

They rapidly separated and smoothed their clothes, Doumeki loosened his sleeves and Watanuki tried to fix his shirt, even then there was no way they couldn’t look like two people who almost fuck in a public place, shame was printed all over Watanuki’s face.

"Ah, Doumeki" the girl came closer smiling but, as soon as she saw Watanuki, the place where they were hiding and how closely they were, her expression changed.

Doumeki was more composed and stepped in front of Watanuki to protect his body.

"We were looking for you, we need indications about some lights" The girl was kind of confused but, tried to pretend that nothing wrong was happening.

"I’m coming in a moment, thank you, Miyamoto"

It seemed that the girl intended to wait for him to walk together although as the words left Doumeki’s mouth she left with a small reverence.

"Is she gone?" Watanuki asked, peeking up from behind his back.

"Yeah"

Watanuki sighed in relief. Sadly, the making out session was over.

"Do you want me to walk you home?" Doumeki offered.

"It’s fine, besides, you have work to do"

"I could use your help"

"Yeah, I don’t think so, you have like fifty people around"

"So, see you on Saturday?"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever" Watanuki said waving goodbye at the temple’s gate.

When he got home, he felt exhausted. He had walked a lot and the heat had made him sweaty.

While he showered and the soapy water was running over his body, his mind repeated his eventful afternoon. He felt the warmth expanding and his body getting sensitive at the memory of their kisses and the feeling of Doumeki’s firm body pressed to his. He groaned quietly when his hand grabbed his erection.

"Fuck" he whined under his breath and stroked his cock, a soft moan came out in the name of Doumeki.

His body was already aroused and soon he was leaking, he wished Doumeki was there in the shower with him, he wished to feel his naked body against his and to keep kissing his neck. The unexpected thought surprised him and felt his face turned redder but, there was no way back, he touched himself imagine Doumeki until he came murmuring the boy’s name again and again.

He was so screwed.

Saturday afternoon Watanuki put on his nicest _yukata_ and walked to the shrine. He felt his stomach tighten for the nerves and the anticipation. ‘This is not a date’, he reminded himself.

When he passed a showcase, he checked himself out, fixing his hair and the _obi_ ’s knot. Half through it he stopped and kept walking embarrassed. What he has become? He wasn’t a teenage girl.

Still, when he saw Doumeki leaning against the temple’s gate waiting for him, he felt butterflies in his stomach.

Both boys walked around the festival, a lot of people were there and everything was so joyful and vibrant. They played some traditional games and eat some food while they waited for the fireworks show.

As the people gathered around, they were pushed together, Watanuki could smell Doumeki's fresh soap and cologne. When the show started and all the people around laughed and shared the moment with their friends and family, a wave of unexpected happiness overwhelmed his body and his chest tighten. He cleared his throat and peeped Doumeki of the corner of his eye, it didn’t surprise him that he was already looking at him, his cheeks warmed up anyway.

Covered by the distracting spectacle and the long sleeves, he felt Doumeki’s thumb touching his pinky finger and softly caressed it the rest of the show.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note 01/10/2021: Updated!  
> ***  
> Hello!
> 
> I usually post on Monday, but tomorrow I have real-life-stuff to do, so I've anticipated :-) 
> 
> In Yuuko and Watanuki's conversation, I used real manga sentences, the ones about right or wrong choices, and the regrets one. 
> 
> Since you might notice, English is not my first language, so I wasn't sure if it was an "older man" or an "elder man", reading some forums seems to be an "older man", but I'm still not sure. 
> 
> Also, according to Wikipedia, "samue" is the name of the clothes Doumeki wears when he is doing the temple's chores. 
> 
> Thank you for reading, see you next week.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An important conversation and something more fired-up.

**CHAPTER 5**

“Did you enjoy the summer break?” Himawari asked them on Monday during lunch.

Watanuki felt the warmth creeping up his body and answered before Doumeki. 

“I worked almost all summer,” he begun “Yuuko gave me a lot of work to do.” He side-eyed Doumeki to make sure he had received his radio wave message of not telling the full truth.

“I’m so sorry to hear that Watanuki, I hope you can get some rest; you work so hard” she smiled at him.

He now knew that in another time that sentence would have made him dance in happiness. Still makes him happy, only a different kind of happy.

“What about you, Doumeki?” she continued.

He watched her talk to their friend; he still found her beautiful and the perfect girl although, it didn’t compare to that new feeling in his guts when he looked at Doumeki.

Before Himawari, Watanuki had never fancied anyone; neither girls nor boys. She was his first crush ever and he treasured her dearly. Unlike other classmates, she never felt sorry for him. On the contrary, she gave him her friendship and smiles every day; she was just too sweet but, he still wondered how she would react if she discovered what Doumeki and he hid behind closed doors. She was a nice person; would she be okay with them as a couple?

Well, neither Doumeki and he had talked about it; they weren’t a “couple”. He didn’t know what to think about the situation they were in, the “more than friends but not boyfriends yet” Did he wants to be in a relationship with him, to begin with?

Doumeki was raised by a priest and in a shrine -no less, how could he be okay with this?

Doumeki had kyudo that afternoon, so he invited himself to watch, he enjoyed the silhouette that the hakama and gi gave to his body, maybe too much. He texted Yuuko to let her knows that he would be late for work and promised to cook whatever she wanted for dinner, so he could be a little longer with him.

After the session, while he waited for him outside the changing room, he saw a familiar face, he didn’t recognize her initially but, when Doumeki came out and she approached him, he remembered her: It was the same girl who had confessed to Doumeki before the summer break.

Didn’t he reject her? He couldn’t remember if he asked him about it.

He saw them talk; he saw him _engaging in_ a conversation with her. Watanuki felt uneasy, he didn’t want Doumeki to give attention to her, he didn’t want that girl to talk to his… his… his what?

His phone rang inside his pocket, Yuuko was asking where he was. Great, now he was even later to work. He tried to make some signals to Doumeki but, he was just listening to that girl. Eventually, he paused their conversation and approached Watanuki.

"Hey-"

"Are you done? Yuuko is about to give me five more years to my sentence if I don’t leave now" he didn’t mean to sound rude or interrupt him but, he was kind of pissed off.

"Tsukuda needs to discuss something with me, it seems is going to take some time but… "

Watanuki looked at him indignantly.

" _Fine,_ " he said and turned away.

He heard Doumeki calling his name; he walked faster, ignoring him.

"Watanuki, I hope you have a really good excuse for this terrible fault to your duties" Yuuko teased playing the angry role.

"I’m sorry, I’m going to start dinner right now" he promised, hurrying up to the kitchen.

It wasn’t the vegetables’ fault but chop something off and watch it become little cubes was actually therapeutic.

He was really upset, upset, and pretty sad. He was a fool boy who had fallen into the most predictable traps of all times: “it’s just kissing” but, it really wasn’t just that.

It never was just that.

He wanted to confront Doumeki about it but, what the hell he was going to say? They weren't dating, there wasn’t any exclusivity clause in what they have, and he always knew that girl felt like flies for him.

(and no-one could blame them)

They were just friends. Friends who kissed each other and did weird spiritual things requested by his boss-witch that lived in a freaking Wish shop. Everything was nonsense.

He found numbness in exhausted himself and working until his legs hurt, and because he was tired, he knew he would fall asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. No time to torture himself about things he didn’t know the answer to.

He said good-bye to Yuuko and the girls and went home. When he was about to turn around the corner, he saw Doumeki standing there.

"Hey"

Watanuki ignored him and kept walking.

"Hey," he repeated now following him "What’s going on?"

He took a deep breath but didn’t stop walking.

"Hey, I’m talking to you"

"I’m busy," he said.

"Busy" Doumeki repeated.

"Yeah, busy walking home" ‘and away from you’, he thought.

"Hey- hold on!" Doumeki jogged to grab him for the wrist.

"Get lost"

"What is going on?!" Doumeki asked pointing each word.

Watanuki didn’t meet his eyes when his friend faced him.

"Hey"

"I’m pretty sure you know that ‘hey’ is not my name" he commented, still not meeting his eyes.

"Are you okay?" he inquired, softer this time.

Watanuki wanted to scream, how he could be so hurt and at the same time so comforted by the same person?

"Just tired" he answered calmer, he didn’t want to drag people’s attention.

"I'll walk you home"

He hated himself even more for giving in under Doumeki’s caring words.

He nodded and both walked in silence to his apartment. He knew it was late but he kept the door open for Doumeki, it was time to talk.

While he waited for the water to boil he tried to separate his thoughts from his feelings, especially from his anger and the irrational part of him that always wanted nothing but to scream. He was secretly grateful for Doumeki's understanding and the ability to filter and see the sincerity between the rage.

Speaking of Doumeki, he was sat down in his living area, arms crossed and a worried expression on his face. Watanuki refused to meet his eyes while he poured the tea, and he let the silence thicken.

"Is this an exclusive thing?" He asked placing his cup over the table, his stomach twisted in anticipation.

"What do you mean?" Doumeki asked back with a genuine incredulity expression.

"Y'know, are we _exclusives_?"

"Do you want to... see someone else?" Doumeki spoke after a long pause.

Watanuki took a deep breath, trying harder to not lose it.

"I'm not talking about _me_ , you idiot. It's not me the one who gets all the love confessions and chocolates for Valentin's day… " He was regretting this, he felt so pathetic.

"I don’t care about that" Doumeki insisted, sipping his tea.

"You don't care about anything but food" He didn’t mean to sound so acid with his comment, and Doumeki gave him a fierce look when he finally lifted his eyes.

"You really are an idiot" he stated, not breaking eye contact, he seemed almost mad and frustrated.

"What about Tsukuda? I saw her the other day while she was confessing. Himawari said that she has a crush on you and-"

"Yeah, I think she said something like that but I don't feel the same way about her" Doumeki interrupted him.

"And what about today?"

"She needed to know about the purification service that the temple has" he declared, crossing his arms.

The knot of his stomach seemed to loose only to be replaced by embarrassment. Jeez, he was so stupid.

"Oh"

"You thought I saw her as a possible partner?"

Watanuki felt the regret in the back of his mind, he had just made a jealousy scene based on his first impressions.

"I thought you liked her," he said in a low voice, lowering his eyes to the floor to hide in shame.

"Well, I don’t"

"It’s because you like…" he gulped nervously, "... _boys_?"

"I don’t like boys"

"And girls?"

"I don’t like any girl"

He took a deep breath, Doumeki could be so frustrating sometimes.

"Then… then am I some kind of twisted experiment to you?!" he questioned him; he wasn’t going to let Doumeki fool him.

"No," Doumeki seemed offended by his question "Hell no"

He raised his head and noticed how both were exalted: Doumeki’s shoulders were tense and he himself was fast breathing. However, he knew that because he already knew Doumeki, the jerk always managed to hide his emotions, and Watanuki hated it, at that moment, he hated how he could keep his emotions concealed, even from him.

"I truly care about you, am I not being clear enough?" Doumeki spoke again, this time leaning closer, and with a low voice tone that made him shiver. He swallowed.

" _Show me"_ Watanuki whispered as he, with both hands, pulled Doumeki to his face by the shirt.

Their mouths already knew each other, there was nothing innocent about the way they were kissing.

" _Watanuki,"_ Doumeki murmured between kisses "You’re such an idiot"

He held Doumeki tightly in retaliation, grabbing his shirt by the back of his shoulders, and pulled him closer to him, a bit more brutally than he had intended.

Their kiss was quickly heating up and a flame inside him was growing with each flick of his tongue. Their bodies’ weight pushed them to the floor, Watanuki groaned when Doumeki brushed his crotch with his thigh, his mind spinning in want.

"Let me… let me breath" He demanded tilting his head to the side but his hands kept Doumeki right there.

Not wasting any second, Doumeki kissed his jawline up to his ear, the moist of his mouth was driving him crazy and all his body tingled when he started to open-mouth kiss his neck.

"Fuck" he groaned and tipped his head back to give him more room, still clinging to his shirt. How on earth kisses could feel this way? But then, Doumeki gave a harsh bite at the point where his neck met his shoulder and he couldn’t avoid bucking his hips up. He was hard.

Doumeki made an approval noise and repeated the motion, this time, he also sucked the same spot and all his body tremble in his arms.

"Doumeki" he whispered and then again, they were kissing, urgent and desperately.

A hand touched his side under his shirt and his body curved in pleasure under the weight of Doumeki. Fingers brushing his nipples making him burn, he could feel the goosebumps forming on his chest and abdomen. 

Watanuki was in ecstasy, it urged him to be touched everywhere, _anywhere_ , even if he has never been touched by anyone but himself before. He suddenly wondered if Doumeki has done this before, being intimate with any boy or girl, was he going to ask him to _do_ things?

He gulped.

"We can stop if you want to," Doumeki assured him panting. "Do you want me to stop?" he insisted.

Watanuki felt his burning face, his neck was still tingling and a pulsing point indicated where Doumeki has sucked his skin. He also noticed how agitated Doumeki's breathing was and the way his shirt was twisted, he could see part of his belly and... oh. _Oh_ , was he hard too? Watanuki could see the outline of his dick in his pants and an immense wave of desire crossed him, he wanted to touch him, to make him felt as good as him.

Screw other people, Doumeki was his now.

"Don't stop" he demanded agitated, and pulled him back to him, mouths clashing and Doumeki making a sound between a moan and a cry. It was so hot and raw, and Watanuki wanted to know, wanted to discover all the sounds Doumeki could make, wanted to have them all.

So, in the same harsh way that Doumeki had bitten his neck, he bit and sucked his lower lip, which earned him a deep groan from the other, that somehow, went right to his lower half. 'Fuck yes’, he thought. He looked back at Doumeki’s eyes but, his triumphant expression died when he saw how dark his eyes were, and there was just a small lip twitching up in the corner before Doumeki pressed down his weight on him, grinding on his thigh and his brain stopped working.

There was a long moan, and he found himself enjoying the weight on top of him. His hips reacted naturally and followed Doumeki’s motion, and then, there was only delicious friction.

" _Watanuki"_ Doumeki whispered against his mouth.

And Watanuki hungrily kissed him, sliding his hands under his shirt too, feeling the muscles of his back tighten under his fingertips.

"Open more your legs" Doumeki demanded in a hurry, and when he did it, Doumeki rolled directly his erection against his.

"Fuck" he mimicked the movement, and instinctively he wrapped his legs around his partner's hips. Soon they were grinding against the other, chasing the heat between heated kisses, hands grabbing and pulling.

He was a babbling mess, the noises Doumeki could drag out of him were embarrassing, so in a brief moment of clarity, he quickly opened the first buttons of Doumeki’s shirt to expose more of his neck and he attached his mouth to it, kissing and sucking the hot skin more and more while both frottage.

" _Shit_ , Watanuki" Doumeki gasped breathlessly.

Watanuki smiled to himself somehow proud. His only thoughts were a line of 'fuck yes, this, this, this...'. The strong body on top of him was crushing him but he couldn’t stop, he imagined how good it would feel to do this naked. The image in his head sent tingles to his lower belly, he was going to come soon.

Doumeki pulled his hair to kiss him again, his tongue rough against his lips. It seemed that Doumeki was losing it too, his hips rolled faster and faster, the friction was a bit uncomfortable but, both were so aroused that only grinding together they could suffocate the fervor.

"Dou..meki...," he moaned his name "I’m going to cum"

"Me too, _shit,_ me too" he heard him say back between kisses and bites.

His subconscious continued imagining naked Doumeki on top of him, just like that, bodies rubbing together in frenzy, but also a new feeling was building in the back of his mind. And maybe it was because he had Doumeki tangled between his legs that deep down he sensed an urge to claim and being claimed. He wanted to experience how much Doumeki desired him, how good he could make him feel, how far they could go... and just the thought of all those possibilities sent him to the edge.

" _Ah! Shit... D-Shizu..._ _Shizuka_ " he moaned pressing with all his strength against the other body as he came. It didn't take too much for Doumeki too and he also came, gasping on his neck.

The room went silent again while both caught their breaths. He felt Doumeki untangling from his embrace and he closed his eyes, too embarrassed to look at him.

"This is the first time you call me by my name" he pointed after a moment fixing his messy black hair.

Watanuki felt himself blushing, even when he was pretty sure all his face was already red.

"I can get used to hearing you say my name, as long as you keep moaning it like that" Doumeki’s voice was raw.

"Oh, shut up," he said, hiding his face under his own arms.

Slowly, their actions settle down onto him: He had made out with Doumeki and both had come together, for the first time and after a fight, did this count as “make-up sex”?

‘Shit, shit, shit’, he was starting to hyperventilate.

"Hey" Doumeki called softly, grabbing his arms to see his face. "Do you really think that I don’t care about you?" he asked him.

Watanuki opened his eyes and contemplated him for a moment. For the first time he could see through the mask he wore every day. Doumeki’s eyes weren’t lying, he was concerned, almost vulnerable, asking him if he really thought that he didn’t care about him.

 _Oh_. His chest expanded.

"I do believe you," he assured him "It’s just… this is so complicated" he rubbed his temples.

Doumeki took his hand and kissed the back of it.

"It would be easy if you dated a girl and a normal one, no spirits, no errands, and no danger" he reflected.

Doumeki looked at him, fierce again.

"I want to date _you"_

His stomach made a flip inside him.

"Even if we cannot be close outside? Even if being with me is always being surrounded by danger?"

Doumeki cupped his face with both hands, staring at him.

"Stop being so dumb" he insisted, pinching his cheeks.

"Are you this romantic all the time?" he asked annoyed, poking him on the chest.

"Date me," Doumeki said, it wasn’t even a question.

"What? Did you listen to what I said?" he tried to gain more space between them.

"Yeah. Date me" but Doumeki held him close.

"You’re more stupid than what I thought" he chuckled.

"Date me" Doumeki repeated now in a whisper against his mouth.

Watanuki felt the blush returning to his face.

"You’re terrible" he lied.

Doumeki captured his mouth in a soft kiss and he couldn’t help but melt.

"Date me?" he said again but this time it was a question and not a demand.

"Fine, fine, I’ll date you" he admitted and buried his face in Doumeki’s chest to hide the red of his ears.

His _boyfriend_ ’s hands closed the embrace at his back and kissed his head, humming.

He realized Doumeki wanted to be with him, only he, and he really should stop lying to himself and start admitting that he wanted him in the same way.

"But no smooching at school and don’t you dare to tell Yuuko or Himawari or anyone" he sentenced before permitting Doumeki to kiss him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Update 01/26/2021
> 
> Hey! I added a few things here and there. I fixed some spelling problems. Although punctuation and prepositions are still terrible for me.
> 
> I also wanted to mention that the idea of "owning/possessing someone" I only added it because it’s a work of fiction. I don’t see it that way in real-life relationships.
> 
> *** 
> 
> Hello! 
> 
> Thank you for reading chapter 5. 
> 
> Probably I messed up the "in", "by" and "at" prepositions, I'm sorry! It's difficult sometimes. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter and the characters weren't so Ooc (which is also hard considering this is a fiction work) 
> 
> As usual, any comments or kudos are appreciated. 
> 
> See you next week.


	6. Chapter 6

**CHAPTER 6**

Watanuki has never liked Sundays. They usually look like Mondays with all the work he has to do: cleaning, laundry and ironing, cooking, and on top of that, homework. Somehow, since a couple of months ago, he has started to look forward to that day, as it is the only day of the week when -neither Doumeki nor he, have to pretend to be just friends.

It started with Doumeki’s self-invitation to lunch one day, and after a couple of weeks, it became a habit that it didn’t bother him that much if he was honest. It was nice to have company for a change.

"What are you doing?" Watanuki asked observing Doumeki opening his backpack.

"I have an English assignment," Doumeki said like it was the most normal thing in the world.

‘Right, we are high schoolers’, his thoughts clicked. Sometimes he forgets about mundane things, they weren't exactly his priorities.

"Ugh, I guess I could work on my literature essay" he complained yawning.

Doumeki nodded and indicated the space in front of him. Watanuki rolled his eyes.

"It's my house, you shouldn't be inviting me to have a sit." He went to look for his stuff and both worked in comfortable silence.

There was a sense of familiarity in Doumeki’s presence. He was still a reserved person, but Watanuki had learned more things about him. Sometimes he wondered if those things were there all along and he never noticed or they were new Doumeki-things that came with the intimacy and complicity of their relationship.

Being alone with him still made him feel anxious. Now he was his boyfriend and there were times when he felt that kissing wasn’t enough to calm down the fire inside his body, but Doumeki always seemed to have everything under control and he always stopped when things got steamy. Even when he wanted things to get steamy until he lost his senses, he just couldn’t bring himself to say it.

He would be lying if he said he didn't think about sex. He had a vague idea of how sex between men worked. Although his knowledge came from a dubious source -whispers in the changing rooms, he was confident that it shouldn't be so terrible: they had the same anatomy, so it should be easy to please the other, and there was no pregnancy risk.

Anyway, there was information that he needed, like, how could a man's body possibly _do that_ to have intercourses? He could always ask Yuuko, the only adult in his life, but the idea of having such a vulnerable talk with such a pervert woman made him shiver. It would also mean to have to explain to her their situation, and he wasn't sure if he was ready to live with her constant teasing and her warm eyes saying "told you so".

They could wait for another source of information for sure.

"What are you thinking?" Doumeki asked him, stopping his wet kisses on his neck.

"Huh?" he snapped back to their momentum.

"What are you thinking? Do you want to stop?" he repeated putting some distance between their bodies.

He observed the man under him: his hair messed up by his hands and his slightly open shirt showed the hickeys he had been working on over his collarbones. Still, his face was only barely flushed and he wanted nothing but to _wrecked_ him, to break the mask and see him really helpless, lost in the way he could make him feel.

"N-Nothing," he lied, feeling the warmth increasing over his face.

Doumeki studied him for a moment, and he had the impression that at any point given he would read his mind and it would be very shameful to explain his thoughts.

"God! It’s nothing, stop that" he hurried and grabbed his face with both hands to kiss him.

Doumeki groaned low and grabbed his waist to keep rolling their hips together.

Somedays, he was still amazed by the fact that he was allowing his 'friend' kiss him, and somedays, the only thing he wanted was to kiss his 'friend' until both were panting, and if he was in the mood, with this same 'friend' grind into each other until they came.

He discovered that it was a better use of energy, arguing didn’t make sense anymore.

"Doumeki and you are such good friends" Himawari commented after both had taken sit in the stands, they had come to support Doumeki in his autumn archery tournament.

"Eh?!" the comment found him off-guard. Himawari laughed next to him.

"You two are _really_ close" she explained, and Watanuki was amazed by her innocent smile and smirking eyes.

"That’s not true, he’s unbearable" he half lied, blushing, and she laughed again.

Himawari had that look in her eyes and for a moment it was like she knew something was up.

"I hope he wins," she said, changing the subject and avoiding more blushing for him.

"Yeah, me too" he sighed and let his face rest over his palm.

Kyuudo was growing on him, he understands it better and it was becoming easy for him to enjoy it. It had nothing to do with his boyfriend looking like an Adonis and all each time he entered the _dōjō_ wearing his full attire.

"Congratulations Doumeki," Himawari cheered, "I'm so happy that you have won, all your hard work is paying off"

"Thank you" He replied.

"Are we having lunch together to celebrate?" she asked them.

"I promised my mother I’ll eat with her, I’m sorry Kunogi"

"I see. Do you have to work Watanuki?"

"Yeah, but we can walk together if you want" He offered and Himawari nodded.

"See you on Monday then, Doumeki" She stated smiling.

"Well…" Watanuki trailed off while turning around to face him, it was awkward to pretend to say good-bye like friends now.

" _Tomorrow"_ Doumeki murmured, and his knuckle brushed shyly the inner part of his wrist.

" _Tomorrow"_ Watanuki repeated holding his gaze. 

He broke the eye-contact before it became too heavy, and walked away with Himawari. However, the warmth in his wrist didn’t seem to disappear. 

"How was Doumeki's competition?" Yuuko asked him cheerfully when he arrived at the shop.

"Great, he won first place" Watanuki happily commented while taking off his shoes.

" _Oh my_ " She gasped. Mokona and her shared a smirk.

"What?"

"I have good news too, Watanuki" She announced, still smirking.

"Are you going to give me a week off?" He suggested, half teasing her, half hoping it was true. He was in a good mood.

"Don't be silly. Why I would do that?" She laughed. "A client came today and as a payment, he gave me -well us, a free day at his hot spring. 24 hours of full service!!"

"Full services, full services" Maru and Moro chanted.

"Who is 'us' exactly?" Watanuki demanded, squinting his eyes.

"Well, obviously me, Mokona, you..." she paused with a wicked smile on her face. "And since Doumeki won, we could invite him too, don’t you think? Of course, Himawari too if she wants"

"That sounds nice, when do we go?" Watanuki tried to ignore the expression on his boss’s face.

"Next weekend, make sure to ask everyone and prepare some snacks, we are going to take a train ride"

As they walk towards the center city, Watanuki couldn't stop wondering what was going on. It wasn't until later, when he saw the ocean, that he forgot everything related to his job, allowing the breeze to take away all his worries.

They spend all day walking around discovering the place. It was a nice and calm town, with beautiful old buildings and a breathtaking landscape. The people around were mainly locals but they saw some tourists walking around too.

The autumn weather gave them a sunny day with a chill wind, it was a seaside town after all. The warms colors in beautiful contrast with the blue ocean, so different from the grey in Tokyo.

The four of them wearing casual clothes and doing normal things together, gave Watanuki a feeling of intimacy, seen Yuuko relaxed in a normal blue dress and Himawari looking beautiful in light blue jeans and a yellow sweater, and of course, his boyfriend, seeing him wearing something different from the school uniform and the temple’s _samue_ , made him oddly happy.

‘So, this is what having a family must feel like’, he couldn’t help but reflect on.

"I’m so tired, a nice bath is all I need right now" Yuuko commented when they returned to the hot spring.

Himawari and Mokona agreed with her.

A lady staff member guided them to the Women's side of the natural pool and Eric guide them to Men's side. He indicated where the lockers were, also the towels, bath cloth, and yukatas.

Watanuki was excited, it was the first time he came to a place like this one. He started to undress but stopped when he felt a pair of eyes glued to his nape.

"You know, it's rude to stare" he complained covering his naked chest.

Doumeki shrugged and turned around, he undid the buttons of his shirt and raised his arms to take it off. Watanuki observed attentively each movement and how the muscles of his back tensed and stretched. Suddenly his mouth was dry.

"You know, it's rude to stare" he heard Doumeki said while he was undoing his pants.

Watanuki blushed.

"I wasn't staring, you oaf" he lied, licking his lips to moist them and turning his face away to his locker.

"Whatever. I'm going to the shower"

After folding his clothes, he took the cloth bath and covered his parts. This was also the first time that he was going to be naked close to Doumeki. It wasn’t like he didn't know how a naked man looked like, but he wasn't just any dude.

He cleaned himself and head to the pool, the night had fallen and the low light around the natural pool allowed to stargaze. It was definitely an amazing place. Doumeki was already in the pool, surrounded by steam and clear water, that was just under his belly button. Watanuki sensed the rush of warmth across his body and for a moment he forgot how to breathe.

A chill wind blew and he shivered; the interruption was enough to remind him to function again and he walked slowly trying not to expose himself indecently. When he finally entered the warm water he submerged completely, leaving out his face only.

Both remained silent for a while, staring at each other. Waiting. Watanuki had the impression that they were playing the chicken game. In the distance, they could hear Yuuko, Mokona, and Himawari from the other side.

"I have never been in a hot spring before," Watanuki commented closing his eyes, trying to not think about the semi-naked man near him.

"Do you like it so far?"

"Yeah. It's so quiet and relaxing"

"It is. We should come back" Doumeki suggested.

"I don't think I'll ever have the money to pay even the dinner here"

"I'll pay half"

Watanuki opened his eyes, Doumeki was submerged now too and was offering his hand, he took it and let him drag him closer.

"I'd love that" he murmured.

Doumeki was gazing at him, with that hungry look in his eyes that made him tremble in anticipation.

"It’s risky" he warned, but still allowed him to come closer to his face.

"There’s no-one here but us" Doumeki pointed while he kissed his shoulder.

"Still, we shouldn’t… Ah!" he covered his mouth when he felt Doumeki’s teeth on his neck and then his rough tongue circling his skin.

"Hm?" he sounded amused. Doumeki looked at him again and he tried to keep his mouth covered to also hide the blush of his face. "Come here," he said and he sat him on his lap.

Watanuki let him pull him closer, nervous as they were practically naked and alone, he didn’t trust his self-control anymore.

He used Doumeki's thigh to rest his butt and interlaced his legs at his back, trying to not let his manhood touched Doumeki's.

He could feel the warmth on his face growing again and tried to not look at the other man in front of him. Doumeki kissed the corner of his mouth and made his way up to his ear with a soft trail of kisses and then sucked his earlobe while sliding his fingers between his black hair.

Watanuki closed his eyes, shivering from the way he was being taken care of. He let his head fall back and he observed the night sky. He felt in paradise, the chill air in contrast with the warm water, the feeling of the lover’s arms around him, and the delicious way he was kissing him, just like he liked.

He wanted this to be forever

"Kiss me" he heard Doumeki's said against his ear, in a needy voice that aroused him more than it should.

Their eyes locked and he indulged in caressing Doumeki's steady shoulders, his neck, and finally to hold both sides of his face and he kissed him, open-mouthed and un-hurried.

Doumeki groaned and skimmed his hands across his back, his fingers lightly pressing into his butt before they traveled to his legs. They gently caressed the inner part of his thighs, going back and forward without touch his -now, hardening cock.

"Shiz…" he stumbled. His breathing accelerated when their chest touched.

They were slowly but passionately making out, he could hear the wet sounds that their mouths were doing, his easy-going moans, and all the little noises that Doumeki made in his throat. He wanted to be touched and fall apart, especially since he could feel Doumeki's erection too, brushing his inner thigh, making his insides burn, he wanted to touch him so badly.

" _Shizuka"_ he whispered between long and deep kisses, he wanted to ask for more but nothing but his name came from his mouth.

"Ahem" came a third voice.

Eric was standing by the door, clearly in shock and uncomfortable for the scene he was witnessing. Both Doumeki and Watanuki separated, even though if they have already been caught.

Eric’s eyes went from shock to confusion to disgust and his voice was harsh when he spoke.

"Lady Ichihara will be waiting for you for dinner. It will be served in 10 minutes in the main dining room" and then he left.

Watanuki was sure he went away rambling about ‘fags’ and ‘disappointment’.

"Fuck" he cursed, grabbing his hair. "Do you think he is going to tell Yuuko?" Watanuki asked worried, all the excitement gone. "Are we going to get kicked?" He was panicking.

"No, no. It’s okay." Doumeki touched his arm in a comfortable gesture and pulled him into a hug. "Even if he tells her, she wouldn’t allow it"

Watanuki hid his face on the crook of his boyfriend’s neck. He felt terrible, the look in Eric’s eyes, full of repulsiveness, made him felt small and scared.

"It’s always going to be like this?" he wondered. Doumeki’s embrace tightens around him.

"Is he the client?" His boyfriend inquired, changing the topic. Watanuki nodded. "Did you feel something off about him?"

"No. I haven't had the chance to talk to him or look at him enough," Watanuki pursed his lips in a thin line. "I have the impression Yuuko doesn't want to tell me much"

"Hm"

Watanuki could hear the soft humming of Doumeki's throat. It was nice being held, being comforted, the warm water around them, even after that acid look. They kept floating in the pool for a couple of minutes, trying to wash off the bitterness. Finally, Watanuki kissed Doumeki’s shoulder and gave him an apologetic smile.

"We should go, are you coming?" he asked.

"In a minute"

Watanuki left the pool, dried himself, and changed into a yukata. Yuuko welcomed him in the dining room, Himawari was there too, looking all cute in a pink yukata.

"How was the water, Doumeki?" Yuuko asked him with a smile on her face when he walked into the room, a few minutes later than Watanuki.

"It was good" He commented with a straight face, not playing her game.

Even if dinner was delicious, the look on Eric’s eyes didn’t let him enjoy plenty, he was uneasy and the comfort he wanted wasn’t allowed in public.

"Is everything okay, Watanuki?" Himawari spoke softly, touching his right hand.

"Yeah, I’m just sleepy. I’m sorry to worry you" he answered in return and she smiled at him.

After dessert, Himawari left to sleep, but Yuuko wanted to keep drinking and eating with Mokona. Somehow, Doumeki refused the invitation to continue partying with them and both excused themselves to go to sleep too.

"Sleep well, children!" Yuuko smirked as Doumeki and he left the room.

They walked to the second floor where their rooms were. Watanuki looked at Doumeki when they arrive at his room, unsure what to say or to do.

"Do you want me to stay with you?" his boyfriend offered.

"It’s fine, I don’t want to… you know" he pointed to the main corridor.

"Well, goodnight then," Doumeki said grabbing his right hand and kissing each one of his knuckles.

"Goodnight" he replied, slightly blushed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: Updated 02/04/2020. Changed and added a few things! 
> 
> ***
> 
> Hey guys! 
> 
> Thanks for joining me for chapter 6, I hope you enjoyed it ;-) 
> 
> Thanks for the comments on my last chapter, it always makes me happy. 
> 
> See you next Monday for chapter 7.


	7. Chapter 7

**CHAPTER 7**

He turned around unable to sleep, he was troubled by the events in the pool. He was used to been looked at like a freak, but somehow this hurt him more. He sighed and turned again; his body was still cold and the idea of his boyfriend being in the same building as him and sleeping in a separated room made no sense at all now.

"Fuck it" he murmured after a couple of minutes.

Rolled futon under his arm he left his room and walked across the corridor towards Doumeki’s. He hesitated for a moment, he didn’t have a good excuse to bother him. He could always say that he saw a ghost or something like that and he’d let him in.

"Crap," he was doubting again. "This is stupid"

He sighed and turned around, but then at the end of the corridor he heard a noise and he froze in panic. He remembered in a flash when everyone went to the beach and he found himself in a very similar position. Although, this time he actually headed to Doumeki’s room for help.

"Crap, crap, crap… idiot, open it" he prayed, knocking the door repletely, the voices were closer.

Finally, a sleepy Doumeki opened the door. Watanuki didn’t give him time to react, he let himself in and shut the door, resting against it.

"What’s-?"

"Shh" he shushed him, pressing his ear to the door, listening to the voices in the corridor, it ended being two staff members passing by. Now he felt ridiculous.

"I thought they were… ugh, never mind. I’m sorry, I’m heading back to my room" he apologized embarrassed.

"S’okay, you can sleep here," Doumeki suggested. "I don’t mind at all"

Watanuki’s eyes captured the image of the other boy: mussed hair and a barely closed yukata, with a very lazy knot that hardly kept it in place.

‘Jeez. Self-control’, he reminded himself.

"Fine, but I have my own futon" he pointed not meeting his eyes after his shameless staring.

Watanuki extended his bed next to Doumeki’s and got into it, leaving only his eyes uncovered. Doumeki lay down next to him and turned the lights off.

The room went silent, he was so aware of the other body near him that he didn’t dare to close his eyes. Part of him wanted to lay there, immobile, and his other half wanted to go under Doumeki’s covers to seek out the comfort he needed. He pressed his eyes closed, he wasn’t going to give in to the provocation, his pride was already hurt by the fact of him being in his room, it couldn’t take any other assault.

"Aren’t you cold?" His boyfriend finally asked after a while.

Watanuki opened his eyes.

"A bit" he murmured.

Doumeki opened his futon, inviting him.

"You’re shameless" he accused him, but still pushed his futon closer and got under the now mixed covers to received his boyfriend's body heat. He let Doumeki tucked him next to him and he snuggle on his neck.

Yeah, this was so much better, why he always insists on denying himself such nice moments?

"Better?" Doumeki teased.

"Jeez, drop it"

Silent fell between them again, Watanuki let his body relax in the sensation of Doumeki’s warm breathing against his forehead. His hand was resting on his chest and his fingertips were making small circles over the cotton fabric. Doumeki’s exposed skin was a temptation and he was giving in; the love bites he had sucked on a few weeks ago were almost gone, he traced some of them, thinking about how much he loves to catch a glimpse of them when Doumeki wears his Gi...

He stopped abruptly when he noticed what was he doing.

He pretended to stretch and turned around to hide his blushing face. His pulse raised when Doumeki's hand came to rest on his hips, pulling him closer. Now his breathing was on the back of his neck, where a soft kiss was placed and then another, the hand on his hips was still but the fingers were pressing on his hipbone.

This was a bad idea, a very, very bad one.

Watanuki shivered and closed his eyes as Doumeki's kisses grew from soft pecks to open-mouthed kisses, exploring everywhere where he could reach. The hand on his hip started to travel through his body, touching his belly and chest until it reaches the yukata's collar.

"May I?" Doumeki whispered tugging the yukata. He nodded.

Doumeki pushed the fabric aside to expose more of his shoulder so he could keep kissing him. He kept his eyes closed, trying not to squirm as the room's darkness made his other senses became more aware.

His boyfriend's kisses were burning him, his mouth traced his muscles and bones. He didn't know he could be so sensitive there.

" _Kimihiro"_ Doumeki suddenly murmured into his ear, bringing him back to reality. "Can I touch you?"

The room was so quiet he heard Doumeki gulped.

"Fuck," he moaned softly, almost crying, he hated to be so easily turned on by his boyfriend’s low voice. "Yes"

Without stopping his kisses, Doumeki's hand traveled down, now more confident, caressing his chest and finding the knot that keeps his yukata closed. He untied it, letting the fabric falls to the side.

His warm palm touched the exposed skin, from his nipples to his navel and then through his leg. Watanuki felt his fingers burying into his flesh as if Doumeki needed to be sure that it was the real him.

"No underwear?" Doumeki teased, nibbling his earlobe.

His fingertips outlined his thigh until they finally reached his cock, tracing his length. Watanuki's dick twitched in response and he had to bite down the back of his hand to suffocate a moan.

Slowly but steady Doumeki's hand fully grabbed him and started to move up and down. Watanuki involuntary curved his back of pleasure. Never, no-one but himself had touched him there, he wanted to scream.

"Let me hear you" Doumeki demanded when he noticed that he was holding back his noises.

"Ngh… _shut up"_ Watanuki hissed, how could Doumeki dare to make him feel _this way_ and _ask_ such things?

" _Please"_ He insisted.

Watanuki had never heard Doumeki beg, less in such a needy voice tone. He, to persuade him, applied more pressure. Watanuki whimpered.

"Fuck," Doumeki groaned. "You don’t have any idea of what you do to me"

But Watanuki kind of knew since he could feel Doumeki's erection against his butt. His body spasmed again and brushed Doumeki's, completely feeling how hard his boyfriend was and he went on fire. Doumeki hissed when he moved, and he tried it again, this time Doumeki’s hips pushed forwards, sticking him hard.

"Kimi...- _Oh_ , Fuck" Doumeki choked on saliva.

His boyfriend’s hand felt incredibly good on him, sliding with the right amount of pressure that made him curl against him in pleasure. He cried when Doumeki squeezed the tip at the same time he moved and buried himself against his ass. He was impossibly hard and in the way he was breathing, he was enjoying himself too.

In a rush of excitement, and refusing to be the only one being touched, he told the other:

"I want to touch you too" and then turned around his body so he could face him.

Doumeki’s mouth captured his and they kissed deeply. Watanuki’s hand traveled down through the other body until he reached the yukata’s knot, his fingers were shaking as he tried to untie it with no success.

"Let me"

Doumeki’s hand undid the knot in half a seconds and the yukata fell open, exposing his side. For a moment Watanuki considered turning on the light, he wanted to see Doumeki’s naked body again, however, it will mean too much time far away from his embrace.

His cold fingers touched the uncovered skin, he could feel his pectoral tensing under his hand. Slowly he traced down, memorizing the firm abdomen, the belly button, and… fuck, is that…? Watanuki gulped, Doumeki felt large, large as the rest of his body, and thick and hot.

Both moaned in each other’s mouth when Watanuki finally grabbed him. He felt his lips getting numb as Doumeki’s kissed grew rougher now that both could now touch one another. Experimentally, he pumped his fist in the same way he did it to himself, his boyfriend whined between kisses. Watanuki's head felt fogged in the heat.

Suddenly, Doumeki used his strength to turn them around and pulled him over his lap, straddling him. His yukata laid open exposing _all_ his bronzed skin, while Watanuki’s was about to slide off his shoulders.

Open-mouthed Watanuki admired the man under him, damn it, he was handsome.

Usually, Doumeki was the greedy one, however, being on top always gave him a push of confidence. He bit his lips as he -with both hands, touched his chest, enjoying the avid look on his partner's eyes, while his hands grabbed him by the thighs.

Doumeki was strong and muscular, but still soft. He didn't have a proper six-pack but he was definitely toned. His eyes dare to look down, his cock stood slightly curved upwards, head flushed and hot. Watanuki's frontal teeth bit harder on his lower lip and his fingers slowly traced his vein until the tip, his fingertips dipping in the pre-cum there and somehow his mouth watered. He wanted to taste him. He even drowned a moan, that cock, filling his mouth, making Doumeki tremble under his ministrations.

"Fuck" Watanuki was amazed and he didn't understand the way Doumeki made him feel.

Doumeki's eyes were also roaming across his naked body, completely unabashed, and even though he was naked, his eyes still made him felt even nuder.

"You’re beautiful" he whispered amazed.

Then Doumeki’s hand lined their cocks together and took his hand so they could masturbate mutually.

"Like that," he said, showing him how he liked to be touched.

"Oh god," Watanuki moaned at the image.

All his thoughts were focused on their erections rubbing together without any barrier for the first time and their joined hands around them, pleasing each other. He could feel the pulse of Doumeki’s cock and his own throbbed at the excitement.

Doumeki discreetly put some saliva in his palm and spread it on their cocks, and the movements became smoother. Watanuki’s inside trembled, for once he didn’t mind Doumeki’s lack of shame-sense, on the contrary, him being dirty and possibly not having any inhibitions in bed awoke something in him.

He bucked his hips desperately in response, riding Doumeki’s. The freehand of his lover came to firmly grab his thigh, his fingertips burying on his flesh. He moaned when their eyes met again, Doumeki was looking at him with so much desire, like he could never get enough of him.

The pace was accelerating as the urges of the moment they were sharing possessed them. The hand on his cock was firm and he knew it wasn't going to last long, as their previous session in the water left him hanging already.

It was a contradictory feeling, wanting to culminate and at the same time keep going on forever. He was aware of their moans, of their synchronic hands, the palpitations in their most intimate place, Doumeki's hands over him, his eyes, his mouth... His inside wanted everything as he felt his orgasm building.

He wanted nothing but to be wrecked.

"I'm going to cum" he called, he was almost there. His free hand was digging his nails in Doumeki's hipbone.

Doumeki’s hand increased the speed and pressure.

"Me too," he said and Watanuki hurried.

He refused to close his eyes, he wanted to see the exact moment when Doumeki cum, he desired to see him being a mess like he was now; his hair in all directions, his body sweating and flushed, he wanted to hear him moan his name.

Watanuki's body started to tremble, he was cumming hard all over Doumeki's chest and cock. He felt the body under him tensing and a long groan leaving the throat of his lover as he cum too, warm in his hand and part of his chest.

It felt so good that he wanted to cry.

"Are you ok?" Doumeki asked when they stabilized their breathing. 

"Yeah, just a- _Ah!"_ he cried and his body spasmed when Doumeki’s hand moved again, using their mixed fluids, spreading them onto their cocks. "Stop it! I’m sensitive"

"Can’t you go again?" he asked amused, moving aside his hand.

"What? Of course, that-" his words died as he watched him licking each one of his fingertips.

"Don't be nasty!" he exclaimed, trying not to let him know that that was probably the most erotic thing he had seen.

"You taste good"

"Oh, shut up you idiot"

Watanuki stood up and walked to the bathroom to grab a wet towel to clean them up.

"Here," he handed it over to his boyfriend who had a satisfied smirk on his face.

"Thanks"

After cleaning up, they dressed back and arranged the futons again. Doumeki cuddled him closer.

Finally, he closed his eyes to rest.

"Was it good?" Doumeki’s question came after some minutes.

"Go, Shizuka, go to sleep" Watanuki rubbed his temples.

He felt Doumeki smile against his forehead when he kissed him goodnight.

"Good morning Watanuki," Yuuko welcomed him at the terrace with an interested smile. "Did you sleep well?"

He felt his face burning.

"Good morning everyone," Himawari happily greeted, appearing beside him. "Did you sleep well?" She asked with not bad intention, but Watanuki’s face got redder.

Maybe they were too loud last night.

"Yeah, good, and you Himawari?" he answered trying to not let Yuuko see through his face.

Doumeki arrived last and sat next to Yuuko.

"Did you spend a good night, Doumeki?" Yuuko tried him instead.

"Yeah, a very good one," he said, flashing him a look.

"Oh, my, my, sharing a look?" 

Food arriving saved him from death by mortification.

After breakfast, they went to their rooms to pick up their bags and get ready to go home. While they were waiting for the taxi outside, Watanuki observed Yuuko and Eric talk, he seemed uneasy and the more he focused on him the more noticeable it was a dark smoke around his neck that twisted around and covered his eyes.

On the train, when Doumeki and Himawari were distracted, he asked Yuuko.

"What was really happening, Yuuko?"

She observed him quietly for a minute.

"There isn't much to say," she commented in her mysterious way. "Eric's problem is something deeper and more personal than not knowing how to administrate. You know how wishes work Watanuki, if the person doesn’t try, nothing is going to really change"

He looked at her, so much he wanted to tell her.

"Don't worry," she smiled at him apologetically, "Everything is going to be okay this time" She promised, turning away her face. 

Watanuki felt the topic being dismissed.

At the train station, Himawari's father was there to pick her up. They said goodbye to their friend and her dad and watched the car disappear into the traffic. Watanuki peeked at Yuuko and she had an amused smile, he scratched the back of his neck to avoid her attentive look.

"Well, we’ll be going now," Yuuko said caressing both in the cheeks. "Take care children". She and Mokona started to walk away. Watanuki watched her go.

"Tempura for lunch" Doumeki announced when Yuuko disappeared.

"Will I have to feed you every Sunday?" he sighed. His boyfriend nodded enthusiastically and Watanuki rolled his eyes.

He cooked tempura vegetables for lunch, and they ate together, as usual. Later they watched a movie, Watanuki didn't realize that he had felt asleep until he woke up to Doumeki kissing his neck.

"I have to leave soon"

His voice was sleepy in the crook of his neck and his lips caressed his skin. The sun was already setting when he glanced and the credits were rolling on his small tv. Under the blankets that they shared his body was warm and Doumeki’s hands were already under his shirt.

Watanuki made some kind of approval noise and rolled over so both could face each other. There were lazy touches and sloppy kisses, hands caressing and grabbing. His breathing accelerated when Doumeki started to unbutton his shirt and kissing his skin, his fingers slid in his hair and then down his nape. His body tingled when Doumeki’s rough tongue circled his nipple, it felt unexpectedly good.

"I’m not a girl" he muttered trying to defend his masculinity, and his boyfriend went back to kiss him open-mouthed.

His body ached and soon his hips were bucking into the air, looking for the heat in the other’s body. Impatiently he ground on Doumeki’s thigh and a too much needy moan came from his throat. It took Doumeki some seconds to unbutton their pants and pull down the underwear to finally let their cocks rub together, both gasped into the other’s mouth for the contact.

His arms locked behind his neck and Doumeki’s arms firmly grabbed his back, while they kissed and their hips rolled together. 

The ardor in his being was like champagne’s effervescence, he could hear himself moaning between kisses and Doumeki’s groans against his mouth while he thrust his hips; everything was fizzy.

Waves of pleasure crossed his body, and he knew that soon he was going to come. He was becoming addicted to the feeling of his orgasms, he wanted it all the time. It felt like being drunk, drunk in Doumeki’s natural smell and his passionate kisses.

His voice was getting higher and higher as his hips thrust faster in need against the other’s body, then, everything was mute, wet and he was sleepy again. Doumeki was still catching his breath, but he didn’t stop kissing him, even with their pants already tinted in cum.

Doumeki left later that day and as soon as his presence wasn’t there, Watanuki craved his company in a way that he never thought couldn’t be possible. Even with the heating on, he felt cold.

He took a bath to compose himself and to warm his body, water so hot that it left his skin pink. He cleaned the foggy mirror and observed himself, there was a clear love bit on his shoulder and one on his neck too, while other small pink and red marks were almost imperceptible.

"That brute," he said, tracing them with his fingertips. He wanted to be mad but he secretly enjoyed them. There were primal and hungry, just like Doumeki.

He laughed and turned around so he could see the ones on his shoulder’s blades. His back was mostly clear, except for the small of his back where was a permanent sensation of Doumeki's warm hand pressed. 

He wasn’t sure if it was the heat in the bathroom or the one in his inside, but he felt his face blushing to remember the moments of intimacy, the look that Doumeki gave him in those times, a hunger that consumed him too… At which point their friendship turned into something more?

Doumeki had been his friend for a long time now and everything about their relationship felt so natural. He couldn’t unsee it now, in the same way, that he couldn’t deny that Doumeki had always been there for him, since the beginning. He never thought ill of him, even when all his classmates saw him as a weirdo, he was always interested in what he had to say, he listened to him in imperceptible ways and accompany him wherever he had to go.

Although when they met things didn’t start in the best way possible, and even later, when he rejected him, screamed at him, and insulted him, Doumeki stick by his side anyway, exposing himself to risky situations... He had half of his eye! Everything he did was for his sake and safeness.

He wondered if when his wish was finally accomplished Doumeki will still be by his side. He didn’t know how much time it would take to fulfill it, what will happen if it took years? Or worst, working for Yuuko all that time could only mean exposing themselves to a more dangerous situation, what if Doumeki get injured? Or something irrevocable happened…

Fear revolved his stomach, the mere idea of losing Doumeki made him tremble in anguish. He wanted both of them to be safe, he wanted to kept their closeness and intimacy, damn, he wanted to keep making him lunch and the out-of-season dinners and snacks he requested, he wanted to keep kissing him and made love with him...

He froze in front of his mirror; it would hurt him so much to lose him.

His heart jumped on his chest.

‘Oh, no’, he thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: Updated! 02.07.2021
> 
> ***
> 
> Hello everybody! 
> 
> As usual, thank you for coming to chapter 7. 
> 
> Now, I was editing one of the future chapters and I noticed it was too freaking long, so I had to divide it in two, that's why now instead of 15 chapters we have 16. 
> 
> This chapter is quite long too, I hope it's not tedious for you! 
> 
> Also, this fic is mainly a long excuse to have the characters fall in love and woohoo-woohoo since I think this fandom doesn't have enough consensual healthy sex (I have found the most horrific fics, with no 'rape' tag, and it made me cry since I don't find rape an excuse to bond people together... like, they already had been through so many terrible situations, why you want them to suffer? even, why two lovable characters have to do that to each other? ugh! but, if it's your cup of tea, it's fine, but it's not mine... and also, no lube??? like... WHAT?!) and I wrote this for me, but then I decided to share it too, so this is my contribution to the fandom, SO, I added the 'porn with feelings' and 'porn with plot' tag too because from now on, this fic is mainly porn... 
> 
> I rambled too much... 
> 
> I hope you have a great week and see you next Monday for chapter 8.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raging hormones

**CHAPTER 8**

School always seemed to him an odd, dull thing.

Watanuki was eager to finish high school since it wasn't really a nice place to be. Not only he had to deal with the spirits that haunted the place and gave him headaches and nausea, but he also had to deal with all those awful classmates that mocked him. He knew he was a ‘weird kid’, he didn't bother that nickname, not anymore, but it did bother him that they still talked to his back, always wondering why a freak like him was so cherished by Himawari and Doumeki.

When he was younger, he used to wonder if he was a misplaced soul or if his past life has done so much damage that he was now paying for it. Those thoughts didn't help at all and after maturity -well, some of it, he had come to peace with the idea of being just a sad and lonely person in the world.

Meeting Yuuko was the beginning of a chain of changes in his life, a promise of normality and a life with no spirits harassing him every day. His part-time job at the shop made him feel useful, even with the constant teasing from Yuuko and the not-really-so-helpful help from Maru and Moro.

Yet, if he was working to pay for his wish, he still felt that what Yuuko gave him it could never be repaid. Not only that woman offered him a purpose and taught him important life lessons, but also gave him the chance of meeting people, the opportunity to change by those encounters and grow.

He wondered if without her, would he and Doumeki have become close?

Probably not, and for his present self, that thought left him with a bitter taste on his mouth.

Now, the obligation of attending school wasn’t so tiring. He had friends. It was so infinitely better thanks to Himawari and Doumeki, particularly for him. The sensation was a mix of happiness and frustration since the true nature of their relationship should be kept as a secret to everybody.

Usually, the first days of the week were fine. He still had fresh memories of Sunday. Wednesday and Thursday were still kinds of fine as Doumeki walked him to work. But Fridays were sometimes unbearable as his body ached to be close to his and he knew Saturdays were absolutely the worse since they didn't see each other at all.

Biologically speaking, he knew that being a hot-blooded young man his body was going to experience changes, desiring things that came with a relationship and the sexual awakening of his body. He had started to touch himself more often, thinking about Doumeki, in the shower, before bed, or even when he was cooking his body would betray him and beg for some attention. He supposed Doumeki felt the same since now either of them pretended to play the game of the cat and the mouse and went right into their business. Their raging hormones were making him wonder: is this too much?

The problem was that he started to have those thoughts at school during class time.

He stared at Doumeki so hungrily that he was surprised that no one had told him anything. It wasn't easier when they had P.E. Being in the same changing room as his naked boyfriend and not being able to look at him was torture. He just begged not to get an erection in front of his classmates.

It didn’t help the fact that Doumeki was good at math and sometimes the teacher would rely on him for the answer to the most difficult problems. Watanuki always squirmed on his chair while he watched him write on the whiteboard the explanation. He fantasied about Doumeki being a teacher and having him between his legs on his desk…

Damn, he was hard and there were still 30 minutes left.

Doumeki came back to sit next to him. They were in the back of the classroom since they were the tallest boys. Suddenly, Doumeki's hand came to rest on his knee and gave him a small squeeze. Watanuki trembled when he felt the hand on his legs traveling up.

Doumeki glanced at him and raised an eyebrow when he felt him hard in his pants. Watanuki swallowed embarrassed. He watched his boyfriend pretending to be taking notes, but really, he wrote a message on a paper sheet and handed it to him.

_"Why are you hard?"_

'Crap', Watanuki thought.

_"Not your problem,"_ he wrote back.

_"Need a hand?"_

Watanuki rolled his eyes.

" _We don't have time today"_

_"What were you thinking of?"_ Doumeki wrote ignoring his previous answer.

Watanuki knew that it was a dangerous game. At any minute the teacher could see them, take the paper sheet, read it and both of them will be in trouble. He didn't write back and Doumeki’s leg hit his under the table to hurry him up.

"Tell me" Doumeki whispered to him pretending to help him with the exercise when the teacher looked at them.

Watanuki eyed his watch, they still had 15 minutes left. He sighed, ‘I must be insane’, he thought while writing on the paper sheet and passed it to his boyfriend.

_"You, between my legs"_

Watanuki watched Doumeki read the note. His Adam's apple bobbed and when he looked at him, god, Watanuki could have sworn that his eyes were dark, pupils dilated and lips open...

" _I want to touch you"_ Watanuki read and his cock leaked, he just needed to touch himself a bit, release the pressure and he will come in his pants.

"Watanuki, are you alright?" He heard the teacher asking him, he almost jumped off his chair.

Doumeki discreetly took the paper sheet and put it under his notebook.

"Your face is flushed; do you have a fever?" the teacher continued, coming closer.

Watanuki cleared his throat, he needed not to sound like he was about to have an orgasm.

"I have a cold" he lied.

"If you need to go to the infirmary, go ahead. I'm sure Doumeki can accompany you"

Watanuki didn't get the chance to answer as Doumeki started to put his things in his bag.

They both left the classroom using their bags to hide their crotches and Doumeki dragged him into the corridor.

"The nurse's office is on the other side, you idiot" he pointed.

But his boyfriend seemed to be in a hurry and didn’t answer. They fast-walked until the corridor’s end where Doumeki opened a door and both entered a small broom closet.

"We have 10 minutes," Doumeki said locking the door. He pushed him against the wall, pressing hard his body and Watanuki almost came right there.

They hungrily made out against the wall. Doumeki took both Watanuki's hands and pinned them with one hand over his head, to then kiss his neck and place his thigh between his legs, rubbing his erection.

"Fuck" he groaned.

"There is a classroom next door" Doumeki warned him; calm as if they weren't in a closet at school about to mess around, and he nodded at the implications feeling his pulse accelerating.

Still holding his wrists over his head, Doumeki's other hand started to unzip his pants. He barely opened them and pulled down his underwear, finally touching his neglected cock.

Watanuki moaned louder and guttural this time. Instantly, Doumeki was kissing him again, and in the same rough way, he bit down his lower lip.

" _Kimihiro_ "

‘Fuck, fuck’, Watanuki's eyes filled up with tears. It was too much. Damn Doumeki, why he had to be so fucking hot?

"We need to be quiet," he said more softly this time, sucking his achy lip "I'll make you come, just- hold on"

Watanuki nodded and Doumeki let go of his hand. He went for a deep kiss before dropping to his knees.

He wanted to protest but as soon as Doumeki's mouth took him full in he could only cover his mouth to prevent himself from being so loud.

Watanuki wished he could record the scene: those golden eyes fixed on him while his cock filled his mouth. Doumeki was sucking him off hard, no games, taking everything.

"Is this what you wanted?" he asked eventually, breathing hard over his shaft.

He felt like crying, and Doumeki seemed pleased with finally finding a way to kept his mouth shut. He had a small smirk on his lips before returning to his previous task.

While one of his hands muffed his sounds and the other twisted into Doumeki’s hair, just to hold onto something. He felt like at any point he was going to disintegrate for the hot sensation of his boyfriend’s warm and wet mouth around his cock.

He couldn’t hold himself any longer, his body was trembling and he was about to come.

"Pull… pull out!"

Doumeki ignored him and he tried to push away his face, but his boyfriend grabbed his wrist and sucked him even harder, his cheeks hollowed.

Watanuki couldn’t resist anymore and he came, feeling how the throat greedily swallowed everything he had.

While the adrenaline was going down, his knees gave way and he was just melting against the wall.

"I hate you so much" he complained in an ecstasy state.

Doumeki held him.

"You don't"

He chuckled.

"Yeah, I don't"

They heard the bell rang, Doumeki came to kiss him, but he turned away his face.

"Don’t be nasty"

"I have to go" Doumeki murmured, pressing their foreheads together.

Watanuki sighed and allowed him to kiss him. He could taste himself and it was as disgusting as it was erotic, but it was the end of the day and now Doumeki had kyudo, so he let him be.

"Let me… um, return the favor," he asked, feeling him over his pants.

"I have to go"

"But…" he insisted.

"Next time, I really have to go" Doumeki assured him, still with his forehead pressed to his.

They softly kissed each other again. Watanuki didn't want him to leave, he wanted to keep being held.

Finally, Doumeki's erection was down and he discreetly left the broom closet.

Watanuki tried to fix his hair and smooth his clothes. His knees still felt like jelly and he could swear he smelled like sex and Doumeki's cologne.

"Are you sure that it’s fine you giving me this many chestnuts?" Watanuki asked looking at the heavy bags in front of him.

"Yeah," Doumeki answered crossing his arms "I like them roasted"

Watanuki rolled his eyes.

"Make sweet chestnut purée," he added, "chestnut cheesecake and..."

"Okay, okay, that’s enough. Don’t be so demanding," Watanuki protested before Doumeki could name an impossibly long list of dishes. "I’ll see what I can make and I’ll bring it to the shrine"

"I’ll be waiting"

Even if he always complains about Doumeki being an insufferable glutton, he always ends up cooking what he requests. He really should stop pretending that he hates it, he likes the praises Doumeki gives him, why does he still insist on denying himself nice things?

He made some of the chestnuts roasted and others in a delicate chocolate-chestnut mousse. Yuuko almost ate all of it paired with rosé wine. Luckily, he separated a portion, packed it, and walked to the shrine.

When he arrived, he found Doumeki in the courtyard walking next to a woman in a beautiful magenta kimono.

"Good evening," he said coming closer.

"Hey" Doumeki greeted him in his typical way. He almost scolded him about it.

"Good evening, you must be the famous Watanuki," the lady spoke and he blushed a bit. "My son had spoken a lot about you" she continued.

"Nice to meet you… um"

"Doumeki Shino" she smiled at him.

Doumeki’s mother was a beautiful mid-aged woman, with dark brown hair and honey eyes.

"I have brought some sweets that I made with the chestnuts from your shrine," he said offering the _bento_ boxes, snapping out from his stare. "I made enough for your family"

"That’s so sweet, thank you Watanuki, I’m looking forward to trying them. Shizuka always talks about how great is your cooking"

"Thank you, but I’m sure that nothing compares to food made with a mother’s love"

Doumeki’s mother smiled at him again.

"What a sweet boy. I’m glad that my son has such a nice friend. Thank you Watanuki" she repeated.

"Please, enjoyed them" he insisted on with a small reverence.

"We will, I have some friends coming over for tea, would you like to stay?"

"You’re too kind, but I have to go back to work"

"Well, then you can come for dinner whenever you want, you’ll be always welcomed here"

"Thank you so much. I’ll come soon"

Doumeki’s mother thanked him once more and went inside.

"Are you sure she’s your mom? Where all of your manners went?" he teased Doumeki when she was out of their sight.

"When will you come?" Doumeki asked him, ignoring his comment.

"Hm, what about Saturday?"

He nodded.

"Bring your toothbrush and stay the night" as usual, the sense of _asking_ was lost on Doumeki.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: Updated 02/15/2021
> 
> This chapter had minor changes, it doesn't affect the plot. I'm trying my best to fix all the grammar mistakes, but I guess you might find more, if so, I'll be happy if you point them to me. 
> 
> *** 
> 
> Hello again! 
> 
> As I already said, we're half-through it! I'm so glad, thank you for your support and to bear all my grammatical mistakes. 
> 
> Some clarifications: 
> 
> -Reading the xxxHolic wiki, it seems that Doumeki's mom has a name, I don't know where it came from, but I used it, so I also changed the tag. 
> 
> -Speaking of tags, I also updated them, I added the 'light Dom/sub' because I'm trash for that dynamic, even though it doesn't necessarily represent reality, I also like switch!DouWata, but I don't think we will be exploring that side in this fic. 
> 
> Thank you for your comments, see you for chapter 9.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My main inspo was this phrase "also Doumeki is into kinky shit and I don’t know how that isn’t a canon fact yet" by gayandsuffering on Tumblr. 
> 
> Thank you.

**CHAPTER 9**

– The sweets were delicious, thank you Watanuki – Shino complimented him next time they saw each other.

–I’m happy you enjoyed them– he said blushed – I brought you some more– he pointed the _bento_ boxes he carried.

–Oh dear, thank you– she took the _bento_ –I'm glad you have such good and well-educated friends, Shizuka. I hope you’ll choose your wife with the same determination – she smiled them, unaware of the situation.

Even if he had lecture Doumeki many times that they should be discreet about their relationship’s nature there was an uneasy lump in his throat.

–It’s been so long since Shizuka brought friends home, let alone let me meet them, so please bear with me a little, Watanuki– Shino told him when both went to the kitchen.

–There’s no problem, I’m glad we could meet– he replied haply. 

–Tell me Watanuki, is my boy popular among girls? – she asked in a whisper, while he helped her to carry dished to the main dining area. There was a hidden worry behind his curiosity intentions.

–Oh yes, he is– Watanuki laughed to comfort her.

–Why he doesn't have a girlfriend yet? He's about to finish high school… – she asked in the same low voice.

–Ahem… – Doumeki interrupted them and gave him a side look.

–Oh dear, there must be someone that you like at least– Shino said, placing the dishes on the table.

Doumeki turned his head to him, Watanuki opened his eyes in shock.

‘Don’t you dare!’, he mouthed.

Luckily for them, Shino didn’t realize.

There was a suiting atmosphere, besides Yuuko at the shop and Himawari at school, this was the first meal that he shared in the heart of a family. It was a whole new side of Doumeki, who was still expressionless as always, but there was a soft and respectable air in the way he looked at talked to his mother.

Shino was a pleasant woman, very traditional but kind. She had some of Doumeki’s mannerisms, or he should say, Doumeki had some of her mannerism and they resembled in so many ways. There was some of Haruka in him too and secrets that he eventually would know. He couldn’t avoid thinking of if there were still some of his parents’ habits on him, it has been so long.

While they ate dessert, Shino talked non-stop about all the cute things his son did when he was a baby, and even promised to show him some pictures for his next visit. Doumeki ate in silence, but he caught one of his soft expressions, he was happy.

–Your room is like my whole home– He commented later when both went to sleep.

Doumeki and Shino lived in the temple’s grounds, in a more private area. His room was spacious and well illuminated, with light blue walls and an en-suite bathroom. Under one of the windows, there was a desk and a small library where he kept his school books and _mangas_. On the walls were hanging his bows, some arrows and some traditional décor, there was also a wall-size closet facing the bathroom.

–Too much space to clean up – Doumeki said, opening the closet to get a futon.

–You’re just lazy–

–Whatever–

It was the first time he visited Doumeki’s home, they usually spend their time in the temple, in one of the spare rooms, but this was actually his daily space, his family’s and his intimacy. It made him feel nervous and at the same time, grateful.

He helped Doumeki to arrange two futons, even after he gave him a surprised look. Watanuki’s excuses were that he was too warm and too heavy to sleep with and Doumeki rolled his eyes.

While Watanuki was using the bathroom, Doumeki changed to pajamas and closed the curtains.

–Crap! – Watanuki cursed in the bathroom. –I forgot my pajamas – he commented shyly, opening the door.

Doumeki stood there, crossing his arms and raising an eyebrow.

–Are you out of your mind? I’m not sleeping naked–

–I didn’t say anything–

–Yeah, but you thought of it – he accused him, squinting his eyes.

–Maybe–

Watanuki rolled his eyes.

–Closet, second drawer– Doumeki pointed.

Watanuki exited the bathroom shirtless and with his pants open, he wasn’t completely comfortable with total nudity yet.

–I can believe it…– he muttered under his breath while he roamed in the closet.

Doumeki gazed his exposed back, his angular shoulders and the soft hollow of the small of his back.

–Hey! – Watanuki exclaimed when Doumeki’s arms encircled his waist. –What do you think you’re do-… –

There was a tender kiss placed on his nape that cut his words.

–Shizuka– he warned, –Let me get dress–

As usual, he ignored his request and pressed his chest to his back, while he kissed his neck and slowly went for his shoulders. The cotton of his shirt brushing his naked back gave him tingles, and he closed his eyes.

Doumeki’s hands moved across his chest, caressing his abdomen and brushing his nipples, slowly pinched them.

–Shizuka– he shivered and tried to move away.

One of Doumeki’s hands grabbed his chin, and tilted his head to the side, to make more room for his mouth, while the other brushed his navel and the sensitive skin of his hipbones, to rub his thighs from inside his pants. It was a tender touch, but there was an unspeakable indication, ‘Do not move’. 

– Your family is here– Watanuki tried to resist, even when Doumeki’s hand was already palping him.

–Then, don’t be so loud– Doumeki whispered in a low voice.

– It's dangerous–

– You didn't seem to mind hundreds of students when I went down on you at school the other day, why now? – Doumeki asked, in the same dark tone.

Watanuki let his head fall back as he remembered that day. Doumeki turned him and pushed him against the closet, his eyes were dark and greedy, and as their eyes meet so did their mouths.

–Although, you were making some very nice sounds that day– He murmured while his mouth reached his collarbone, and softly suck his skin.

–Fuck– Watanuki whined quietly, feeling the textured tongue licking his nipples.

His boyfriend didn’t say anything else since his mouth seemed too busy kissing and marking his chest.

Watanuki could have sworn that his skin, body, mind, and soul were on fire at the same time, it was Doumeki’s secret skill. The sensation of his body heat near him, his hands touching him in the right places and his mouth kissing, licking and nibbling him like he was some kind of delicacy and he was going to devour him at any moment.

His debt floated on his mind, feeling a bit bold, he used his strength to turn their bodies, so now Doumeki was against the closet.

–Let me… let me taste you– he murmured while his hands reached Doumeki's pants to touch him.

He dropped to his knees and felt the heat creeping up his neck, his heartbeat was pounding on his ears while he pulled down the cotton pants. Doumeki’s breathing accelerated when they made eye contact, and he felt powerful. 

Watanuki stuck out his tongue and gave it a tentatively lick through all his length, Doumeki’s eyes closed and his head tilted back, groaning aloud. Happy with the reaction, he repeated the process until each side possible was covered in saliva.

He didn’t know anything about sucking a dick, he actually never thought of it before. Whoever, now with one on his mouth he just wanted to be good and please his boyfriend, and by the way Doumeki's eyes were staring him he felt he was doing it just fine.

He then licked the tip, slightly sucking it, and Doumeki’s hand grabbed his hair, the small pull electrified his body. He could _feel_ the pulsing blood and throbs, the weight on his tongue made him hungry and he opened his mouth to take every inch he could.

Doumeki groaned louder this time and Watanuki meet his eyes, he coughed when the head brushed the back of his throat, and it wasn’t even completely inside. Dear lord.

–Breathe through your nose– Doumeki said.

Watanuki nodded, trying again to suck him completely. His boyfriend was large and thick, heavy and hot. He didn't know until now how full he could feel with a cock in his mouth and at the same time, so needy.

– Breath in–

As Watanuki did what he was told, Doumeki slid all his cock inside, his eyes watered for the slight fraction of time he wasn’t able to breathe.

– _God_ – He sighed, pulling back except for the tip, – Touch yourself–

Watanuki obey, he lowered his pants and his free hand came to touch his neglected erection. A moan came, vibrating in his throat.

–Breath in– came again the command and again his cock filled his mouth. – _Shit_. So good– Doumeki said caressing his tearful cheeks.

Of all situations, it was less probably that Doumeki could be vocal during sex, Watanuki thought, but it was incredibly hot at the same time, those words were only his, and his head felt light with the reassurance he was getting. He sucked enthusiastically and Doumeki made a mental note of his reaction. 

–Take a deep breath and relax your jaw and throat all you can–

Doumeki watched him did it and push all the way in his cock until his nose was pressed against his pelvis. He held his head in place with one hand and with the other he reached for Watanuki's throat, applying a small pressure so he could feel his own hard cock through the skin.

– _Kimi…hiro_ – He deliciously moaned his name, which made him want to cry.

He choked and let the cock go to catch his breath, his face was red and small tears were rolling on his face. Watanuki watched Doumeki using his saliva to touch himself, and with his other hand, he reached his reddish lips.

–Are you going to come soon? –

Watanuki whined in response and Doumeki took off his glasses.

–Good. Come _here_ –

Doumeki pointed by pulling his head back towards him, he barely had time to open his mouth. This time it wasn't so merciful, as the hands that were caressed him now were in both sides of his head pushing him in and out. Something primal took over Doumeki as he watched his cock disappear inside his lover’s mouth.

–Fuck, you look so good like this, all flushed while I fuck your mouth–

Everything was blurry, his body was experimenting so much pleasure that he could only let tears out, unable to contain his emotions and sensations. The feeling of his boyfriend taking all the pleasure for once and the knowledge that it was him the one making him made those sounds. His mind fogged, lips and tongue numb. 

Doumeki took it all out, and just like a baby who had been separated from the breast, Watanuki chased it to be filled again. Doumeki's hand pulled his hair, keeping him from any contact.

– _Shizuka_ – he cried.

Doumeki groaned and put it back inside his mouth and keep pushing his hips until he saw how Watanuki came and all those trapped sounds vibrated through him. He pulled back again and started to stroke himself.

–Tongue, out– he commanded as white spurts of cum started to fall all over Watanuki's tongue, lips, chin, and his face.

He hissed when Watanuki closed his mouth around his glans and swallow the rest of it, even if he was sensitive, he let Watanuki keep sucking and licking until he swallowed everything until both came down from their orgasms.

–Look at you– Doumeki said, still catching his breath, and opened one of the closet doors to reveal a full body mirror inside.

Watanuki didn't recognize himself: the boy in the reflection had the pants open, his own cum all over him, his face flushed, his lips puffed, dry tears on his cheeks, his hair was all messed up and all his face was covered in semen.

–You look so beautiful like this–

Doumeki’s thumb slid over some cum on his chin and spread it across his bottom lip, then twisted it around his tongue. His aroused body didn’t belong to himself anymore, Doumeki’s eyes were everything he could see.

–You should clean yourself–

Watanuki's finger slide through the white fluid on his face, he examined it for a moment and then licked it, moaning in agreement. He repeated the process, aware of the dark golden eyes staring him on the reflection. When he was done, he turned to his boyfriend, looking him in the eyes.

–Let me do it again–

Doumeki left out a soft moan.

This time Watanuki took control and softly sucked and licked the cock, feeling it hardening again. He could see himself in the mirror, he could see how his cheeks hollowed and his throat expanded. Inside him everything was on fire, his body ached as he got hard again and later came again.

He was so dazed after they both came the second time that he didn't feel anything else. He recovered the full consciousness when a warm towel slid on his forehead.

–Are you okay? – He heard Doumeki's words, he seemed so worried.

–Yeah, what happed? – he blinked a couple of times.

–I think you passed out–

He was now laying down on a futon wearing some pajamas that smelled like laundry soap, lavender, and Shizuka.

– I didn't mean to push you like that – Doumeki added, passing the towel on his hair’s ends.

–I didn't do anything that I didn't want to do– he admitted, too tired to be embarrassed. He read the guilt on his boyfriend’s eyes. –I'm fine, trust me, a good honey tea is all I need–

–I'm going to make you one–

Doumeki left the room and came back with a warm tea a couple of minutes later. He drank it feeling the warm relief in his aching throat. 

–I’m tired– he said putting the cup back on the tray, Doumeki squeezed his hand and left the room again.

*********

–I'm so sorry we didn't wake up for breakfast– Watanuki apologized with a very low bow when they met Shino at the kitchen.

–Don't worry my boy, I hope you rested well–

Watanuki smile trying to hide his blush.

–Please let me cook lunch for you– he asked apologetically.

Shino laughed and let Watanuki use the kitchen. Doumeki offered tea and she sat down to peel some potatoes.

–Thanks– Watanuki said sipping the tea that Doumeki gave him –Which sauce do you want for lunch? – he asked.

Shino observed them discuss lunch, Watanuki seemed an energetic boy, he talked to his son in a high tone and Shizuka played his game. It surprised her because his son has never been a social person, never like that. She knew he was kind and hard-worker, just like Haruka had taught him, but there were times when he resembled his father so much. 

Both Haruka and she tried to teach him that he must find friends and companionship in life, after all, duty wasn’t everything. When Haruka lived, in those senile last moments, he apologies to her, because he wasn’t able to rise his own son to love her right, and he tried to mend his mistake by teaching Shizuka about important things in life.

But sadly, after he passed away, Shizuka took his duties and responsibilities too seriously, to the point that he was missing his own years of youth for looking after her and being what he thought his grandfather expected of him.

Since that moment, there was a tall wall that divided them, and she felt guilty and terrible because she could never reach him.

When she heard of Watanuki for the first time during a quit dinner she almost cried, not only his son was opening to her a part of his life but he had a friend, a very dear one it seems, for the way of Shizuka’s voice softened when he talked about him and Watanuki had lived up to her expectations and more.

Since their meeting, she has discreetly watched the interactions between the two boys, mainly because it was new to her see his son with a friend. She noticed how their bodies gravitated around, not only sharing food and inside jokes, but also an intimacy and complicity that she didn’t completely understand. Sometimes she would hear them discuss school out loud and others, they would whisper to each other in a conversation about things that she didn’t comprehend.

At the end of the day, his son still wears his impassible expression, but in his eyes, there is a fondness and warmth that lighted him from the inside, at that times, she felt relieved, and there was peace in his heart from the knowledge that everything was going to be okay. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again, I hope you enjoyed chapter 9. 
> 
> We had a tiny story progression and some porn. It felt weird to mix up Watanuki spending time with Doumeki's mom in the same chapter he gives her son a blowjob in his home... but it's fiction sadly. 
> 
> Anyways, in Adayume, Doumeki's mom seemed so sweet and worried about his son and his friends, I really wished we had more family interactions. 
> 
> My main Tumblr account is flagged :c but maybe you would like to pass to my second account (reinerubin.tumblr.com), I plan to post some art and fics there too. Actually, today I posted a fanart that I made this morning, that's why this update is so late... 
> 
> I hope you'll have a great week. See you next Monday.


	10. Chapter 10

**CHAPTER 10**

– _Meeting person always separated_ – was what his grandfather told him and his mother the day his father left home.

He was too young to comprehend why his mother cried and why his father never came back from work, and so much later he understood the fact that not all unions are blessed, that it’s not gods’ fate or bad omen, as some people found peace in those words, instead, he knew it was because people were selfish, people lied and some people didn’t care enough to work on their problems.

He never missed his father because Haruka took his place and there were moments when he felt that his grandfather was the best father he could ever have asked for.

Haruka taught him many things, from how to use the toilet to how to set the offerings to god or how to use salt after conducting a funeral. He followed his teaching with respect and always tried his best, occasionally he questioned why instead of talking about his schoolwork, Haruka took him to different places and taught him about nature, balance and the unseen. Sometimes it was frustrating for his kid brain to puzzle his lessons with what his teacher would say at school. 

–Just because you can’t see it, it doesn’t mean that doesn’t exist– Haruka used to say, and he would nod politely.

His mother worked hard, not only at the office, but also in the temple and at home, her cooking wasn’t the best, but he ate gratefully what he was given, even though if sometimes he preferred to eat with his grandfather in those fancy adults’ place where he took him.

–I hope your future partner can keep up with that _gourmand_ spirit of yours– Haruka laughed when he didn’t eat or even touch some dishes.

–Something’s missing– he tried to explain, but he wasn’t able to say what it was.

–I hope someday you can find what it lacks– Haruka said taking his hand to go back home.

When his grandfather insisted on him participating in the archery club, he was reticent, it wasn’t that he didn’t like the sport, but it didn’t make any sense for him, still, he obeyed.

–There’s energy on your soul, you have to learn to canalized it and used it– 

He thought it was just an excuse to continue with the tradition, because there was nothing abnormal or powerful in him, just what his body could do.

While he grew strong and smart, he also grew apart from his grandfather’s beliefs. For him, it existed the rain, a natural part of the water’s cycle, for Haruka, it was the powerful spirit of the rain trying to say something. For him, any supernatural event always had some sort of scientific explanation, but Haruka always countered his arguments with some knowledge that escaped his skills.

–Just because you can’t see it, it doesn’t mean it not exist–

He nodded, and learn to heed.

–Meeting person always separated– his mother said they day Haruka passed away.

He didn’t cry, he couldn’t, there was so much expected from him, now he wasn’t a kid anymore, he must take care of his mother and assume his part on the temple’s work.

–Were those lessons necessaries? – he asked his grandfather’s corpse while rolled a cigarette for him. –Today’s world doesn’t need to know about the supernatural–

“To see is to believe”, was the motto he adopted during those lonely years of middle school.

His mother never pressured to follow Haruka’s steps and become a priest like him, which he was truly grateful for since he lacked the faith that such an important job required. He still honored the Doumeki last name and keep practicing archery, helping those who went to the temple and sharing his knowledge, but then, Senior High School began…

How powerful could a simple boy be to change his mind in a matter of months, when not even his grandfather could do it in his lifetime?

He had heard of Watanuki Kimihiro, his classmates usually laughed at him, he was always running, dizzying and screaming, especially screaming, how he could be so loud?

He didn’t care about him, it was just another person in the world and each person has his own reasons to act in the way they do, and yet he always found himself looking at him. He had that façade of greatness and self-sufficiency that only the lonelier and saddest people had, and he wondered what that boy could be possibly hiding.

One day both met in the staircase, Watanuki had the bluest eyes he had ever witness, and also a blind rage behind them. The boy jumped and tried to kick him in the face, his reflects were quickest and he avoided it. Then, both were arguing, Watanuki was so noisy and said so many weird things that for a moment he considered that he had some serious mental problems.

Any normal person would have taken some distance from him, but he found himself spiraling down with Watanuki in a world of unexplainable experiences, and slowly all his grandfather’s teachings puzzled in his mind, thanks to Watanuki and the mysterious woman self-named Ichihara Yuuko.

That woman lived her life under the rules of ‘ _Hitsuzen_ ’, and she resembled his grandfather in ways that terrified him. It seemed that Watanuki didn’t believe in _Hitsuzen_ at the beginning, but slowly his mind was accepting the ‘fate’ as part of his life. He didn’t blame him, after everything he had been through, maybe his mind needed a reassurance, something that could explain all those horrible successes.

However, he didn’t believe in fate. He was the architect of his life by taking actions and making thoughtful choices. There were obstacles, coincidences, that he could sort out, but he was determinate to be the one with the final word. Yuuko used to smile at him with that mischievous smirk, ‘that’s why you don’t need to see my shop’.

It took some time, but finally, the paranormal encounters were having a real impact on his life. He couldn’t see them directly, but somehow, he believed in Watanuki so much that it became his reality too.

–Encounters change people– Yuuko said once while she smoked.

Watanuki ignored her comment but it nailed something inside him. His life has been the same for so long, and he always took pride in his meticulous choices, until Watanuki, who was a typhoon of twisted emotions, impulsivity and stubbornness, that dragged him to the world his grandfather always spoke of. 

He did inexplicable things for him, saved him so many times and accompany him everywhere, in part because they were friends, even if Watanuki barely saw him as one, but the moment when he almost died because of that woman, and he had to make one of the most difficult decisions on his life by shooting her, he understood that there was something else on his chest.

Yuuko’s _Hitsuze_ n was merciless, and he lost an eye in an unharmed way that he never could have seen coming. Watanuki gave his own eye to gain back his. They were teenager, they didn’t deserve any of that! Shouldn’t they be playing in the arcade or eating burgers? And not sacrificing parts of their own bodies to supply for the other? _Hitsuzen_ was truly merciless.

Yet, after that he gave half of his eye, and finally Watanuki accepted his help, and both learn to listen to the other, he was able to live in peace with the word ‘in love’. Yuuko would say it was the price, fair or not.

There were many bizarre things in this world, but for him, an ex-ordinary temple’s boy with divorced parents and exorcist blood, the most incredible experience was to realize how much he loved his friend, all his quirkiness and fails, but also his warm smile and kind soul, he loved him so much that he’ll follow him anywhere and he’ll fight for him against anything.

–It’s a negative 1– he pointed the wrong part of the equation.

Watanuki made a frustrated noise and rubbed his temples.

–Crap! I thought that I changed it– he said re-reading the exercise.

Midterms were coming, since Watanuki’s fort wasn’t math, he had offered to tutor him in exchange for certain desserts and lunches. His boyfriend accepted reluctantly, or at least he acted that way. 

_His boyfriend._ The words filled his chest.

Watanuki had changed so much, opening to him in a way he couldn’t even dream of. There were small looks at the beginning of their relationship and blushing cheeks that evolved into shy smiles and laughs, long conversations about everything and nothing, and he just being a silly teenage boy. Doumeki loved him relaxed and young.

At a certain point the looks became bolder, Watanuki stopped to look away when he founded him staring at him and actually held his gaze. Before, he would have raised an eyebrow and Watanuki would have flushed, but now he smiles him seductively lazy and gave back the same eyebrow-raising. It made his pulse accelerate and he had to remind himself to not walk across the classroom and kissed him right there.

There were days when he felt he couldn’t live without a kiss, even less without touching his nude back and caress his legs, he couldn’t live without the scent on his neck’s crook and how beautiful he looked when he orgasmed, how his body contracted in his arms and that gorgeous face, eyes half-opened and reddish lips, pink cheeks, hair spread everywhere and the murmuring of his first name dropping from his mouth.

There were many incredible things in this world, and Watanuki Kimihiro was one of them.

–Shizuka? Hey! – he snapped back. – You looked like a creeper staring me. I’m done – he said extending him his notebook.

Doumeki read the exercise, Watanuki was a very dedicated person, he had improved a lot since they had started to study together. 

–It seems that you’re not a dumbass in math anymore– he commented when he didn’t find any mistake.

Watanuki rose his fist in the air in a triumphant way.

He was such a dork, and Doumeki could be more in love. 

–Sadly, that you’re still the Home Economics dumbass– he teased him back.

–What about my payment? – he asked relaxing his arms and ignoring his comment. 

Watanuki rolled his eyes while collecting his notebook and supplies, cleaning the table.

–Yeah, I know. I’m going to start dinner, I’m making _nabe_ since it’s quite cold now –

Winter had already begun, Doumeki looked outside, the dark grey sky and the heavy rain pouring.

–It hasn’t stopped raining– Watanuki commented while tiding his apron.

–It’s just water– he added sipping his tea.

–I wish I could ask the Ame-Warashi to give it a break, but she was quite happy, after the long dry-season – Watanuki commented while he opened his fridge.

–I can wait until it stops to go home–

Watanuki stood there with a pot on hand.

–You can stay the night – he said without facing him – but only because I don’t want you to catch pneumonia because of me kicking you out of my home–

He saw the faint pink on his boyfriend’s cheeks when he turned to the countertop.

–Then, I’m having a bath– he sentenced while standing up.

–You’re so rude– Watanuki rambled. 

–Take a bath with me – he suggested coming closer to him.

–Jeez, and such a pervert! I have to make dinner; don’t you want to eat? – Watanuki said raising a hand between their mouths.

–Fine– he gave up and walked to the bathroom.

–There are clean towels in the cabinet. Here – Watanuki passed him a pajama, –I think this one might fit you – he added grabbing the shirt and extended it over his chest.

–Thanks–

Doumeki closed the door and he quickly texted his mom. He undressed and took a shower before relaxing into the warm water. It was a small bathtub, or maybe he was too tall, his knees were bent to his chest and there was no space for his arms. Watanuki was less build that him so he probably fit well there.

‘Definitely, I’ll get a house with a bigger bathtub to fit both of us’, he thought absently.

He looked around the small bathroom; since Watanuki lived by himself he didn’t really need much space. Everything was clean and spotless; the towels were folded perfectly squared and even the laundry basket was tidy and dustless.

However, the lonely blue toothbrush was a sad story by itself.

He never felt sorry or thought less of him for his situation. When Watanuki rarely talked of his parents he couldn’t help to feel a tight knot on his stomach and the immense need to stay by his side. He would vow it for life if it was necessary, to never let him alone, to never let any harm come to him. As a friend, as a lover, it didn’t matter, he loved him just too much.

Soon, the delicious smell of dinner came from under the door. He dried and put on the pajama that Watanuki gave him.

–Ah, you’re done! This is simmering, count 15 minutes and turn it off. I’m bathing– Watanuki said passing him a kitchen timer when he exited the bathroom.

He watched the close door and for a moment he wished that all his life could be the same.

–You’re quite mute today– Watanuki commented when they were having dinner, –Well, you aren't really chatty, I guess is fine–

Doumeki observed him, their time together had given him expertise on his boyfriend’s sense of humor and all the unspeakable things that his body said for him.

–The food is really good– he assured him, –Thank you–

–I know, _I_ made it– Watanuki put his chin on his palm, trying to hide his blush.

He loved the way his face easily blushed, he loved his pale skin in contrast with the pink taint on his cheeks and he loved it, even more, when he could see it all over his body, on his neck when he was kissing him or in the tips of his ears when he whispered him dirty things or… 

–You’re being a weirdo again, stop staring me! Don’t make me kick you out –

–You’re cute– he simply said and kept eating; he knew that that comment would make him blush more.

–And you’re an idiot– he said, clinging to the soup bowl, hiding his face. 

After brushing their teeth, he cleared the table and while he did the dishes, he could hear Watanuki in the other room, mumbling a song while he extended the futons. He didn’t realize when they have become so domestic around each other, but it was calming and natural, and he really wanted it for the rest of his life.

He looked at his reflection on the window and wondered if there was a way for them to get married, maybe they could move to another country? He shook off those thoughts, those were too many steps ahead, but still… 

–Hey– the voice of his boyfriend came from the futon next to him, –Are you okay? – he asked.

Doumeki turned his face and body to look at him, the room was dark but he still could see the outline of his body.

–Come here– he invited him, opening his futon.

He knew if he made that invitation with the lights turn on, Watanuki would have dismissed it. He had learned to wait a couple of minutes after the lights went off to ask him. He also knew that every time they slept in the same room, Watanuki had to make the same show of extending the two futons even if both knew that they would share one eventually. Although, if he commented on it, Watanuki would deny it and play the role even harder, so he just waits.

–Did something happen? – he asked after slid under the futon and into his embrace.

‘Yeah, I want you to marry me’, he thought.

–Wondering what you’ll make for breakfast– he said instead, poking him on the ribs. 

–How can you be thinking about food when we had dinner a couple of hours ago? –

He interrupted him and kissed him tenderly. 

–One day, you would get fat and I would laugh about it and said ‘told you so’– Watanuki commented pausing the kiss. 

It made him oddly happy to hear that his boyfriend pictured a future together.

He cupped his face and kissed him again, he was looking too beautiful with that cute smile and he could do something stupid like proposing him.

Their lips moved in synchrony and their tongues twisted together in a familiar way, that it never stops feeling amazing. He had also learned to not make any move on him, not until the first soft moan, and then he could proceed to touch him under his clothes. His body always shivered when he undressed him and he always slid his hands up and down his spine to warm him up.

He loved the feeling of his pulse under his tongue and to kiss his neck while slid one hand across his back and the other between the soft black hair. Watanuki’s breathing will always accelerate when he sucked his sweet spot, he could feel his leg curling around his and the cold toes rising up his pajama pants.

– _Shizuka_ – the whisper of his name made him aware that he had sucked his neck too hard. He licked kindly the spot, asking forgiveness. Sometimes his instinct clouded his judgment, at that time he couldn’t help to desire to mark him all over, to make him his in the same way he was already his.

Watanuki liked it too, and his own neck and chest were a map of hickeys, but he had forbidden to mark him over the neckline of his school uniform, it could be troublesome if _someone_ ; ahem, Yuuko; saw it.

Slowly he trailed down his exposed chest with kisses.

– _Shizuka_ –

Gosh, he loves to hear his name like that. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all, 
> 
> Here again, posting on Sunday. I think the next chapters would have an irregular update, maybe on Sunday or Monday or Tuesday, mainly because of IRL work. 
> 
> This chapter is my favorite, I felt the last one wasn't good enough, I hope this one mend it. 
> 
> I took some freedom to write about Doumeki and his life, as you could see, this chapter was his POV and the next one is also his POV. 
> 
> The phrase "Meeting person always separated" it's a Japanese proverb. I really liked it and decide to use it, I feel that it mimics the song that Haruka teaches Watanuki in the manga: 
> 
> "Meeting and joy, the bitterness of parting. Meeting, without parting I hope [...]" 
> 
> (I love that song) 
> 
> Also, I can't believe that we're on chapter 10! We have only six to go.
> 
> I hope you have a great week.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can’t believe I wrote almost 4k of them fucking. I’m sorry.

**CHAPTER 11**

The distant alarm woke him up, he felt Watanuki stretching next to him to turn it off but before he could stand up, Doumeki hugged him to keep him there.

–We have to go to school– his boyfriend yawned, still sleepy.

He had never been the kind of person who complained about the cold, but the sensation of their bodies pressed together under the covers was luring him to stay there and forget about the world, the cold and especially school.

–Shizuka, we have to go– he insisted stretching his arms like a cat, but he didn’t loosen his embrace and kissed his nude shoulder.

–Mmhh… Let’s skip school– he murmured, going for the back of his neck.

–What?! You, of all of the people, you want to skip school? –

–Huh – he kissed his hairline and then softly bit down the earlobe. His hands roamed over his chest, brushing against his nipples and finally grabbing his morning erection.

– _Damn it_ – he heard him curse under his breath. –Last night wasn’t enough? Huh? – he teased him.

–Mh– He hummed against his skin, pretending to be meditating his question.

–We have to go– he repeated, more determinate this time.

Doumeki wasn’t going to give up the chance of staying home with him, probably they would have to make excuses, but at the moment that wasn’t a concern, he was more interested in Watanuki’s skin because something was hypnotizing with it; it was an open invitation to kiss and nibble everywhere he could reach. He loved how his shoulder blades met and formed a deep hollow when he squirmed. He open-mouthed kissed his back, his scapula and lower until the small part of his back and then slid his tongue up across his spine.

–Mhh– Watanuki whined softly.

He turned their bodies and he connected his mouth to his neck, licking across the tendon and feeling him bucks his hips against his hard-on.

–We don’t have time for this, I have to make breakfast and lunch… – Watanuki said, contradicting himself with a gasp when he then sucked his nipple.

Doumeki thought of a dirty line to answer him back, but the idea of separating his mouth from the peach-pink nub wasn’t a good one. He kissed his other nipple and then slightly nibbled under his ribcage and then the prominence of his hips, to finally wrap his mouth around his boyfriend’s cock.

– _Shizuka_ – Watanuki moaned, tangling his fingers in his hair, now long enough for him to pull it.

‘How to suck a dick’ was never a question for him, not until the first time he went down on his boyfriend at school. He didn’t have any idea of what was he doing, he just wanted to make him feel good, and the idea of devouring him, making him come with his mouth was enough to fuel him.

Although, he had to admit that now it was his favorite thing to do and it had become something pleasant for both. It took some time and enough tries to find out what and how the other one enjoyed it. The self-discovery journey was much more fun with your partner, especially if they left their inhibitions outside the bedroom and even if sometimes Watanuki pretended to not be that much interested, he was really eager.

– _Shit._ S’good– Watanuki covered his face with his forearm, but he could still see his open mouth moaning soundless.

–Hm– he agreed and his voice vibrated across the length. He curled his tongue around the tip, making his boyfriend shiver. 

–Hey– Watanuki suddenly called pulling his hair and he moaned around his cock, –I… I want to do it too–

Doumeki saw hunger on his eyes and couldn’t resist to kiss him, rough and hurry. They rolled around when Watanuki put his legs around his hips, pushing their cock together, and the futon rolled around them. His boyfriend’s moan broke the kiss when his hand grabbed both cocks.

–Not that precisely – he said.

–Hm? – he tried to kiss him again.

–No – this time his voice was almost desperate –I want to… at the same time you do it to me– he spoke each word lower and lower, at the same time his face grew redder.

So cute and so hot.

As if the futon was to blame, Doumeki pushed it aside with force and kissed Watanuki one more time before laying down, onto his side, in the other direction. They accommodate themselves and again he took him back into his mouth. Watanuki trembled while his own hands guide his length to his mouth.

He let a heavy breath through his nose and closed his eyes, focusing on the feeling of both pleasing each other at the same time. His body and his mind only working on giving and receiving, in the heat of his cock being sucked and licked while the other did the same. He had never loved more the fact of the two of them being men like he did it at that moment.

His hands slid around Watanuki’s thighs, firms and longs, who would say that running around that much would give him such beautiful legs? And such tight butt?! He groped it, digging his fingers into the flesh to encourage his boyfriend to go faster and deeper into his mouth.

One of his hands slid between his legs, to massage Watanuki’s testicles, his fingers dangerously brushing near his entrance but he didn’t push aside his hand, so Doumeki decided to give it a try and tease the zone. He sucked his finger and slid it between his buttocks, the soft sound that his boyfriend made after that, made his blood boil.

‘Fuck, fuck, fuck’, he thought at the same time that his excitement made his hips move faster. He felt his boyfriend moans vibrate against his cock. He had become more skilled at this and he couldn’t be happier about it. His tongue twisted in a delicious way and he had to close his eyes; it was too good.

–I’m going to cum– he warned, trying to make him slow down, he was close, but Watanuki ignored him and sucked even harder. He could feel his saliva slid down his balls and Watanuki’s slurps. – _Fuck_ – It was simply too much and he came with a deep groan, pushing his hips, feeling the back of his throat against his glans.

He stayed still for a second to enjoy the sensation of his orgasm but soon enough Watanuki thrust into his mouth and he resumed his task, it didn’t take too much longer before his boyfriend was whimpering and cumming into his mouth too. He let him wriggle his body freely until he came down and relaxed next to him.

He let go of the softening cock and turned his body to embrace him.

–Are you ok? – he asked, caressing his back.

Watanuki nodded lazily, his arms went around his lower back and for a moment, when he opened his eyes, he thought they were bluer… how someone could be this beautiful? Doumeki leaned for a kiss but stopped when he saw a drop of his own cum on his mouth’s corner, absently, he slid his thumb to clean it and pressed it against Watanuki’s lips. His boyfriend made eye contact and licked it clean, moaning in agreement.

His eyes widened and his cock throbbed in response. ‘Shit’, he thought, Watanuki could be so endearing some times. He leaned to tried to kiss him, but he moved away from his head.

–Don’t be nasty– he murmured.

–Hm– still, he grabbed his chin and pushed his tongue inside his mouth, because he would let him do it anyways. The taste of both mixed up on their mouths, yeah, it was nasty and dirty and obscenely hot. He groaned when Watanuki returned the kiss with the same passion.

He sucked his lower lip while pressing their bodies together, his hands traced his back until his butt and massaged it, in response, Watanuki pushed their hips together, grinding on him. They kissed until both were panting, Doumeki looked down his boyfriend, his face totally surrendered to pleasure, in a marvelous afterglow.

Yet, the fire in his guts didn’t disappear, it wasn’t enough.

They stared at each other, neither of them wanted to break eye contact. Doumeki’s heart was beating so fast that it scared him. His hand cupped Watanuki’s face, if he focused enough, he could catch a reflex of his own eye on his face, their pact. He kissed his forehead, trying to distract himself from his want, they were united in other ways, they didn’t need to do it now… 

Suddenly, Watanuki’s hand rested over his chest, feeling his heartbeat. His cold hand felt good, calming the heat of his body and mind. But his hand didn’t stay there for long, he caressed his shoulders, his pectorals and he shivered. Slowly his finger went down, between his abdomen and his navel, touching his muscles, and lower.

– _Shizuka_ – he said in a whisper of hot air against his mouth, his pleading eyes accelerated, even more, his pulse. –I want you–

Instantly their mouths were attached and they lay there, in each other’s arms while making out. Doumeki tried to calm his mind and heart, for so long he dreamed of a single touch, of a look, so long he had wanted to hold him like this, that heard him said so openly that _he_ wanted him and that _he_ was ready to take this step with him, it made him incredibly happy.

He hoped this wasn’t a dream.

He took a quick shower and while Watanuki took one too, he reached for a book they had managed to find that explained what and how they needed to do it. His fingers felt cold while flicked between pages, even if they had already read it.

He barely had time to extend the poor messed futon when Watanuki was back, for a moment he thought that the shower changed his mind, but he lay down next to him, hair still wet dripping over the pillow and down his neckline, still with eyes full of want. 

–Can I kiss you? – he suddenly asked, as if this was the first time, they would do it.

Watanuki raised an eyebrow.

–Don’t make this weird –

He kicked himself mentally, the last thing he wanted now was break the moment. He leaned towards his neck to kiss a drop of water there, loving his skin’s scent. Watanuki’s body was getting cold fast and his hands tried to warm him up.

He made the most of his neck, kissing and nibbling in the way he knew Watanuki liked, and at the first quite moan he pushed their hips together, one of his hands came to grab both cocks and rubbed them at the same time.

Watanuki’s breathing accelerated while his hands caressed his tensed shoulders and chest until both cupped his face and he brought their mouths together for a sloppy kiss. Doumeki sighed at the sensation of his tongue curling around his.

His fingertips slid down his chest, raising his thin body hair, feeling the goosebumps formed under his touch. Watanuki’s nipples were hard and cold, so he slid both hands over his chest and pressed his thumbs over the nubs to made small circles and squeeze them. His boyfriend exhaled and he lowered his mouth to warm them up with his tongue.

They made eye contact while he sucked one of his nipples, with enough pressure to leave a blossom love bite. Watanuki’s eyebrows were furrowed upward, his mouth slightly open, breathing harder and harder with each flick of his tongue.

–Don’t be so rough– he asked.

He nodded but didn’t stop and more tenderly slid his tongue over the nub, massaging it.

Watanuki’s back arched and his leg curled around his, pressing him more into his body. Doumeki couldn’t resist and kissed again his neck, nipping across it up to his lobe and then down across his shoulders, and lower. He trailed down his chest with kisses, following the soft skin of his abdomen, and the V-line. He pushed one of his legs aside, kissing the joint of his hips with his legs.

At this point, Watanuki was heavily breathing and undeniable hard, his pale member raised with the red tip already dripping. He licked it, following the vein up, watching without blinking the expression on the other’s boy face: eyes closed and mouth open, his chest rising and falling… losing his composure bit by bit while his mouth devoured him.

It electrified him in ways he couldn’t explain.

Watanuki was distracted, enjoying himself in the calming thought of him already knowing how to please him, so he grabbed the implements they had already brought and opened the tube of lube; he squeezed a ridiculous amount on his fingers. Watanuki’s breathing intensified when his fingertip circled his entrance.

–It’s cold– He heard him talk while he still sucked him.

–Sorry– he mumbled. 

With his middle finger, he applied a small pressure and Watanuki tensed around him.

–Relax–

–Easy to say– Watanuki chuckled.

He kept making pressure while alternating with circles until his finger easily slid in.

–Does it hurt? – he asked, pushing inside out his finger. Watanuki shook his head.

–N-no… it’s weird…– He was panting.

The unmeasured amount of lube poured out his entrance and slid down his buttcheeks, he used his finger to collect it and pushed it inside his boyfriend’s body. He was making a mess; his hand was sticky but it allowed him eventually to insert two fingers without much fuss…

Watanuki’s body contracted, his face showed his disconformity. He stopped.

–Does it hurt? –

He was quiet for a moment.

–A bit… no, it’s weird…ugh, just… be careful–

–Just tell me if you need me to stop– he assured him, kissing his thigh and then resuming his previous task to distract him.

Keeping an eye on his boyfriend’s face, experimentally, he twisted his fingers and pushed them deep, spreading inside the lube, slicking everywhere he could reach.

His own cock was painfully hard with precum already leaking and for a moment he got lost in the bliss of the moment; Watanuki’s breathing, his cock on his mouth and the feeling of his inside clenching around his fingers that he didn’t realize that was making him come already. 

–Shiz… ah, _shit_ – Watanuki groaned loud and grabbed his hair, pushing his head down. His body spasmed while he came, spurting inside his mouth for the second time in the morning. Doumeki moaned and haply drank his reward, to later let go of his member, allowing his boyfriend to come down for his orgasm.

–Jeez– Watanuki spoke after some minutes, –I didn’t mean to cum yet– he admitted embarrassed, passing his hand over his hair.

–I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself– he said with a small smile.

Doumeki stretched his fingers inside him, Watanuki’s body was more relaxed, but he still needed to loosen him up a bit more, otherwise, there was no way he could fit his throbbing cock inside him.

– _Shizuka_ – Watanuki whimpered his name while trying to sit.

–Does it hurt? – he asked moving his fingers a bit faster.

–N-No, I’m sensitive– he whined and tried to close his legs.

–I know– he remarked and used his free arm to prevent him from doing it.

Watanuki’s body spasmed again when he curled his fingers upwards.

–Oh god–Watanuki said breathlessly. – It felt… it felt nice there–

–Here? – He asked pushing his finger in the same place.

– _Yeah_ –

Watanuki covered his mouth as a new desperate moan emerged from his mouth. Doumeki could see the tip of his ears in a dark shade of red.

His body was so worked up in the fantasy that his reality was that he could feel his body heat radiating out of him, his hairline was moist and his lower back was a bit damp. Still, there was no way he could and wanted to stop himself.

Slowly, he pressed his third finger against Watanuki’s entrance, the muscle didn’t fight him and he pushed all the way inside. Lube came out but he used his thumb to press it inside him. He observed all the reactions on his boyfriend’s body for any sign of pain, but he was just lost on the sea of the new experiences, feelings, and pleasure.

Patiently, he stretched him. He was so nervous at the beginning but it seemed that his body knew what to do all along. He took one of Watanuki’s hand and pour some lube on it.

–What? – he asked out of breath, half opening his eyes.

–Touch yourself– he requested, guiding the hand between the legs.

Watanuki whined a bit but obediently comply with his request. With a few strokes, he was fully hard again. Ah, teen’s bodies. What a delight.

–How do you want to do it? – he questioned dragging out his fingers when it’s seemed enough. 

–Looking at you–

He tried to dry his hand with the bedsheets, the lube was sticky but still, he managed to roll on a condom and applied more lube on it.

–I’m going in– He announced and grabbed the back of Watanuki’s knees to put them over each shoulder. Then he guided his cock to the entrance, rubbing it against the skin.

– _Please_ – Watanuki whispered almost inaudible, accelerating the rhythm of his hand. 

The tip pressed against it, and he had to push a bit harsh to cross the muscle’s rim. Watanuki cried and moved around, it was a bit thicker than three fingers.

–Slow– he asked with a shuddering voice, his chest rising and falling quickly.

As careful as he could, he went in, sliding slowly inside the exquisite warm. His body trembled, all his muscles were tensed, he could hear his shattered breathing as he tried, really hard, to not push all the way in and just take everything.

Finally, an important part of his cock was in, Watanuki exhaled.

–Fuck, you're so big– He chuckled more relaxed this time.

Gently, he pulled back a bit, all the lube made everything so easy. When he felt Watanuki moaning he pushed in again, this time completely.

–I’m all the way inside you– he pointed out, humming against his knee when he bottomed out.

_–Shit_ – Watanuki cursed and he rolled his hips again, and again, and again. 

He looked down between their bodies, the image of his cock thrusting and expanding the skin, glossy with the lube that spilled out his boyfriend’s body, was probably too much, it absorbed him. He had to bit his tongue to prevent himself from coming already.

–Ah, shit– Doumeki groaned closing his eyes.

Firmly grabbing Watanuki’s legs, he bent them over so they could kiss.

Watanuki’s face was a masterpiece, so full of pleasure. He pushed his hair back to kiss his forehead, he could barely keep his eyes open.

– _Fuck, fu- ck_ – Watanuki said almost crying, a drop of sweat slide down his hairline.

He curled one of his arms under Watanuki’s head and the other under his lower back, grabbing his ass. He buried himself inside, he mentally begged to not go crazy, the feeling was incredible and his boyfriend’s moans against his ear were the cherry on top.

Watanuki’s feet locked behind his neck and his arms made themselves room on his shoulder too, in a tight embrace while they kiss. Finally, they were as close as they could get, physical and emotional. 

Doumeki tried to keep the steady rhythm, but each moan that he received made him go a bit faster. He forced himself to hold on and not come yet.

Using his weight, he pushed Watanuki’s hips a bit higher, changing the angle and Watanuki whined long.

–There, right? –

–Fuck, fuck, fuck... _Yeah_ –

He speeded up, his thighs were slapping Watanuki’s ass and the sound joined to their moan, and Watanuki was moaning so loud that he probably wouldn’t have voice later.

–Fuck, you felt… _so good_ – Doumeki admitted breathlessly. 

– _Ah… fuck… fuck… Shizuka_ –

Doumeki knew then that Watanuki was on another plane, panting for air with each shove. His cock was rubbing between their abdomens and Doumeki hoped that he could cum like that, there was no way he could untangle from his boyfriend’s grip to touch him.

– _There, there… Oh please, there, please_ – Watanuki’s voice echoed and he kissed him, his tongue deep as he could, twisting around Watanuki’s, who just kept on making those beautiful sounds.

–Damn it, I'm going to come– he admitted between thrusts. His face felt hot as he was using all his strength to hold his pleasure back, but now it was just too much.

Watanuki babbled something that seemed ‘me too’.

He really didn’t want to stop but when he felt Watanuki's entrance tighten strongly, he couldn’t hold it any longer, he let himself go in a deep push. His mind went blank for a moment, the wet feeling on his belly assured him that his boyfriend had come too. The only sound he could hear was their agitated breathings as both rode down their orgasm.

He felt Watanuki’s hand resting on his cheek, he kissed his palm while opening his eyes. His face was warm and pink, his forehead a bit sweaty and his black hair was spread out in all directions, but he had a beautiful satisfied smile on his lips. 

They kiss slowly as if they had all the time in the world, in the bliss of the moment that they had just shared.

–I can't feel my legs– Watanuki finally said after some minutes.

–Sorry– he mumbled and they untangled, letting his boyfriend’s body fully rest over the futon and carefully Doumeki pulls out. –Are you in pain? –

Watanuki shook his head, but still, helped him to lay on his side and rubbed his lower back.

The cold in the room made their bodies lose warmth and the adrenaline of the moment. He really hoped that he hadn’t hurt him.

–Ugh, get me some tissues – Watanuki asked, seeing the mess on his belly.

Doumeki obeyed and tossed the condom in the bathroom’s bin. He helped his boyfriend to clean themselves.

–Are you ok? – he inquired again, caressing his arm.

–A bit sore, but fine– he sighed –I’ll need a shower though, I’m sweaty and sticky. You probably need one too, I think I put lube on your hair–

Watanuki reached out his head, looking at the sticky hair ends. 

–‘kay– Doumeki nodded-, taking his hand and kissing it. –I guess we’re really skipping school– he commented later when he helped Watanuki to get to the shower.

–Ugh! I hate you so much–

–You don’t–

–I’m not making breakfast; your lazy ass is getting me hot chocolate and some cake from the bakery–

He kissed his nape.

–Deal–

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everybody, I hope you had a great weekend!
> 
> I still managed to upload on Monday, although is pretty late here in my city and I'm sleepy. Next week I'm not sure when I'll be able to post, I hope on Monday aswell. Fingers cross.
> 
> Important things to point out: this is fiction, it shouldn’t be taken as a trustworthy source to anal sex. 
> 
> Thank you for reading to this point and to bear with my English. I still hope to find a Beta and at some point review the writing and the syntax. 
> 
> Have a good week and take care of the virus, wash your hands and don't be racist!! 
> 
> Stay safe!


	12. Chapter 12

**CHAPTER 12**

Yuuko was lounging on her couch smoking her pipe, letting out perfect smoke rings from her mouth while Moro and Maru tried to catch them.

It was early in the morning; she usually didn’t wake up at this time but when she tried to go back to sleep and was unable to do it, she knew that there was a reason for it.

Suddenly, she felt the dimension’s strings shift around her. She extended her sight to the unknown and unseen, some of the strings and threads were cut and others immediately appear while others branch off to the infinity and others banished into nothing.

–Interesting– she commented.

She extended her hand and flick it in the air, making the strings move around her. Her abilities allow her to see every string at the same time, her mind was sharp and she could maneuver between them without a problem.

–Mistress? – Maru and Moro asked in unison.

–It’s going to happen soon– she whispered coming back from her trance. –A lifetime opportunity–

The phone rang a couple of hours later.

–Ichihara Yuuko– she answered.

– _Yuuko! I didn’t think you would pick up the line so early_ –

–Watanuki, is that how little you think of me? – she laughed –Are you calling me from school? –

She heard an inaudible curse on the other end.

– _I’m not feeling very well, so I had to stay at home and I don’t think that I can go to work today_ –

Sweet boy, trying not to lie.

–We’ll be okay here; we have leftovers and snacks that you made. You’re a very good employee–

– _I’m going to make you whatever you want to eat tomorrow, without complaining_ –

–Ah! You know me so well. I assume you would work extra time to recover the missing hours from today, right? –

– _Yes, yes, I know_ – he sighed.

–I’m glad we’re on the same page. Take care Watanuki–

– _You too, bye_ –

The line died and she hung the phone.

–Is Watanuki sick? – Moro asked.

–He won’t come today; we’ll be by ourselves– she commented patting their heads.

–Maru is going to heat mistress’ breakfast! –

–Moro is going to prepare the tea! –

Both girls left the room dancing towards the kitchen.

–Yuuko, are you going to visit Watanuki? – Mokona inquired when Yuuko returned to her couch.

She smiled at him* and smoke.

–He already had someone taking care of him– she said, never intending to sound melancholy.

*********

The holiday break wasn’t Watanuki’s favorite one, it was a constant reminder of how alone he was. Usually, he handled well his self-pity and after so many years he had learned to not cry over his Christmas dinner.

Having Yuuko’s company was an improvement, even if that meant cooking an outrageous number of overcomplicated dishes and providing drinks every 10 minutes or so. But, like last year, Maru and Moro had done an impressive job decorating the Christmas tree and even Mokona behave decently during dinner time.

Watanuki slept with a full stomach and a warm soul.

For New Year’s Eve, Doumeki invited him to spend it with him at his family, his mother also extended an invitation for him.

Watanuki supposed that they have relatives, some uncles, and cousins, but he never imagined that they would be so numerous. Shino had been all day in the kitchen cooking and he helped her. It would be more accurate to say that he cooked all day and Shino helped him, but he wasn’t going to be impolite.

Doumeki was busy, setting the table and checking from time to time the temple’s visitors, lucky for them that they had personal to help with the busy day. 

–Watanuki dear, thank you so much for your help– Shino sighed having a sit after hours of work. –Now I ask myself: how did I manage to cook so much before you? –

Watanuki was finishing with the decoration of a cake that Doumeki requested. 

–You even made a cake! – she pointed while drinking some tea.

–I’m used to cooking a lot, you know, my boss and Doumeki both have and bottomless stomach–

Shino laughed, she was such a light person and so easy to get along with. Watanuki had found some trust to even tease Doumeki in certain aspects with her.

–Uncle Eiji called, they are going to arrive soon– Doumeki announced entering the kitchen.

Watanuki caught Doumeki eyeing the cake even when he tried to hide it with his body, he had told him that they wouldn’t have time to bake one.

–Okay, it’s time to get ready then–

Shino quickly washed her cup and left the kitchen. Doumeki rested his shoulder on the door’s frame and waited to hear the _click_ in her mother’s room.

–So, is it a chiffon one? –

–Drop it –

Watanuki placed the cake on the fridge before going to Doumeki’s room where he had his kimono. He took a quick shower to mainly wash away the smell of fish and spices from his hair and get dressed. He tried different knots for his obi, trying to get the patterns to match and look appropriated, after all, he had the impression that Doumeki’s relatives were also wealthy.

–Your kimono is so beautiful; you look so handsome– Shino’s voice spoke from the salon.

Watanuki was wearing a navy-blue kimono, with a light grey obi and a _haori_ in the same dark blue. His face blushed lightly.

–Really? –

Doumeki’s mother smiled him and walked closer to him, she fixed the fold of his neckline.

–Of course, you’re a really handsome boy – she patted his head affectionally and for a moment Watanuki almost cry.

–Yours is very elegant – he pointed, blinking quickly.

She was wearing a light dusty pink one, with a red obi in a very delicate fold.

–Shall we? I’m sure Shizuka is eating something on the dining room –

The temple was quickly receiving all the relatives, Watanuki lost count and forgot the names of some of the people who he was introduced. He didn’t really bother to be: ‘He’s my friend’, ‘He’s Shizuka’s friend’ and ‘I’m Doumeki’s friend’, not even when he noticed a girl being too nice to Doumeki and other was staring at him in the distance.

But when an uncle asked Doumeki if he had a girlfriend, and how he didn’t have one? That his son; who was a couple of years older than Doumeki; was already engaged with a beautiful young lady from a very good family, was when he felt uncomfortable, and for the forced expression on Doumeki’s face, he also was.

Most of his relatives were nice, they ate and praised his food and some of his aunts complimented his appearance, one of them asked him if he was single too because her daughter was also single and it would be so great if they know each other.

Courteously Watanuki exchanged some words with said girl. She was very pretty, with her light brown hair and hazel eyes, but she was also uncomfortable in the situation, so he tried to make some jokes until she laughed and relaxed.

During dinner time, he was asked to sit next to her, it was easy to talk to her or maybe he was becoming better at small talks. From the other side of the table, Watanuki saw Doumeki glancing over him from time to time while he tried to pretend to be interested in the girl next to him.

–Tell me, _boy_ , since you don’t have a suitor, what are your plans for the future? – the same uncle inquired when the dessert was served.

–Medical school– Doumeki answered calmly.

Watanuki saw how other members of the family commented about how a great choice it was and how smart he was. 

–Huh, I thought you were following my father’s steps since you live _here_ – he scoffed.

–My grandfather’s work has no comparison– Doumeki added, still calmly.

It surprised Watanuki since it seemed that that uncle was picking on him.

–Are you okay? – the girl by his side asked him and he noticed that he had been fisting his kimono tightly.

–Are you going to UTokyo? – Doumeki’s cousin inquired. He had the same nose bridge that the impolite uncle, so Watanuki thought it might be his son.

–Yes–

–That’s great! – an aunt happily commented –My husband studied there– 

Soon, the conversation shifted to which university was the best and the topic of Doumeki’s future was forgotten.

When dessert was over, some people went outside to smoke and others drank tea, Watanuki helped to carry some bowls when he found Shino in the kitchen, grabbing tightly onto the sink.

–Are you okay? – he reached to her, touching her shoulder.

–Yes, yes. I’m sorry. You can put the bowls into the sink – she said quickly and for the corner of his eye, Watanuki saw her watery eyes.

–There’s something I can do? – he asked, it wasn’t his place to offer comfort, but he couldn’t help it.

Shino tried to laugh, but a lone tear slid down her face.

–Sometimes I can’t stand the way he treats us– Watanuki didn’t need to ask about who she was talking about. –He never liked the idea of Haruka allowing us to live here, especially since I’m the ex-wife of his brother. Every time he comes, I had to put on a face and let him look down on us… and I can’t say anything, it’s not my place–

Watanuki had never experienced something like what she was describing, but he offered an apologetic smile.

–Actually, no-one can, since he’s the eldest son, he’s the patriarch of this family…– Shino took a deep breath. –He doesn’t like Shizuka since you can probably tell. Haruka always gave him more attention than any other grandson and he couldn’t stand it… this situation became worst when he died and, in his will, he stated that we; Shizuka and I; would inherit this house… that infuriated him…–

While she spoke, Watanuki helped her to put aside in Tupperware the rest of the food.

–I had never felt more alone than when Haruka died, not even when Shizuka’s father left home…– she commented more calmed –I can’t imagen how Shizuka must have felt, he loved his grandfather so much! And he’s grown so fast… I used to be so worried about it, that I wasn’t going to be able to raise him good, and I feared that all the Doumeki family would kick us out from here if he did something wrong… I never told him but I know he knows that, and he works extra hard just to keep good relations with his father’s family side… –

–He’s a good person; you have done a great job– he assured her and she smiled at him.

–You’re such a nice boy Watanuki, I’m sure your parents would have been so proud of you– Shino said and gave him a tight embrace.

She knew what happened to his family, they had talked about it, but the topic was never going to stop being difficult, he could feel the tears on his eyes.

–I hope you two can find happiness and form families for your own, and that your children never have to endure what you– she added, patting his hair affectionally.

–Everything is going to be okay– he promised her, and let the feeling of a mother’s love flow to him.

*********

–So, you’re aiming for medical school? – he finally got his chance to ask after a couple of days after the holidays.

Doumeki nodded him in the reflection on his mirror while he brushed his teeth.

–Hmm, is weird though– he commented absently, trying to really picture his stoic boyfriend as a doctor. –But you’re a hard-worker, I’m sure you’ll be fine–

Watanuki lay on the futon, he heard the soft _click_ of the light switch and Doumeki walking to bed.

–Do you have a B plan? – suddenly he was curious about the future that his boyfriend wanted to build for himself.

–Not really– he paused accommodating himself near him –I was between medicine or Japanese folklore, but I feel the first option the most suiting–

–Folklore? Really? – he couldn’t avoid a small laugh –Why you would pursuit that? Your brain is all numbers and equations–

–My grandfather left a lot of unknown objects, they made me curious– he simply said, setting his alarm for tomorrow morning. 

Watanuki thought that it sounded like a half true, but he didn’t push him.

Doumeki was a very capable person, whatever he decided to do he probably would succeed. He didn’t rely on others and always took an active part in his life path. That’s why he didn’t need to see the shop, whatever he wanted he worked for it.

–What do you want to do after high school? – he asked him while tucking him into bed. 

–Honestly, I’m not sure – he answered rolling onto his back, –I still have to pay for my wish… –

–You have been working there for almost two years–

–Yeah–

He wasn’t really sure how much time he had left to pay for his original wish. It was an uneasy feeling to acknowledge that soon or later his current lifestyle would change.

–Lately, it has been quite calm–

Watanuki looked at his boyfriend.

–What do you mean? –

–You keep working for her, but not much had happened–

It was true, he had spent most of his afternoons in the shop cooking and cleaning. Rarely Yuuko had asked him to do something spirit-related. When was the last time he saw the Ame-Warashi or the Zashiki-Warashi? He couldn’t remember.

–Yeah… I didn’t realize it– he commented uneasily.

–Is that a bad thing? –

–Not really. Actually, I cannot remember the last time I was chased by a huge spirit– 

Maybe it was because now he spends almost all of his free time with Doumeki, either eating, studying or just enjoying each other’s company.

–That’s good– Doumeki squeezed his hand in a comfortable gesture.

Watanuki looked at him, he had that fierce look on his eyes but softened with all the love and care that he felt for him.

Soon, Doumeki’s breathing was over his mouth to kiss him.

He felt like crying, a weird mix of overwhelming sensations, conflicting feelings and pleasure. Doumeki made love to him so tenderly that night, kissing the back of his neck and shoulder blades while he entered him.

His breath didn’t calm and his vision was fogged, all his body tingled while he tried to not be so loud, which was really hard, considering Doumeki’s own groans on his neck and the magnificent feeling that was going across his body.

Unlike the many nights where Doumeki slept at his home, sleep seemed to never come. By now he was used to Doumeki’s body heat and his heavy limbs around him, but this time his mind didn’t find any rest.

Soon, high school would be over and at some point, his wish will be fulfilled. No more school, no more Yuuko. Just he and his reality in that tiny apartment.

What was he going to do? University? Work? Being masochistic and keep working for Yuuko for free?

He realized that all his life had revolved in finding safety from those horrible things that chased him. He never thought that he was going to live this much, he had nothing planned for his future.

As Doumeki said, he had been working for Yuuko for two years now, how much was his original wish? He never asked and now he felt that entering in a contract with a witch not knowing how much he was giving was very naïve from him.

What if it took five years? What if it took a lifetime? Watanuki felt anxious about it.

He cared about Yuuko and loved her in a familiar way. She had taught him so many things but he also hoped that at some point he could be able to have control over his life… was it possible to have both at the same time?

Uncertainty, that’s all he could see in his future, and it was unfair to Doumeki, who already seem to have a path to walk.

Shino’s wish crossed his mind. Doumeki and her were tied to his family’s status and situation. Doumeki had a role to play and he was her only child, by keeping their relationship they were doing something irremediable to her and the family.

He thought of Haruka and how important he was for his boyfriend; wouldn’t he want to make him proud?

He reflected on how he was taking away from him the chance of having a normal life, a full life of love from a wife that would be there for him, cherishing him, that would cook for him and give him children. A wife that he could show of in family parties and work meetings. A wife that he wouldn’t need to mask as ‘a friend’, a wife that would be publicly accepted.

While he, in the counterpart, he only had taken from him, not only his time but also part of him. He literally had half of his eye! And after all this time he only had given him worries and pain, and if they ever saw a future together, it would always be hiding, always behind closed doors and fear.

Doumeki deserved everything and he was just being selfish by staying by his side.

He didn’t realize that he was crying until Doumeki adjusts himself behind him, spooning him more.

He prayed for the strength of not being selfish anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again!
> 
> Chapter 12 is not very happy, but an important one. 
> 
> At the beginning I referred to Mokona as "he/him" but I did it because I didn't want to use "it" and I don't know if those things have a gender? but it's 2020, what gender is anyway? 
> 
> In the manga (I think in Rei, but I'm not sure) Doumeki spoke of medical school, I thought it could be a nice change of career for him. 
> 
> Next week I'm still not sure about the update day, even now I'm publishing it in a hurry. 
> 
> Stay safe. 
> 
> Au revoir.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Watanuki is a mess.

**CHAPTER 13**

–So, is Doumeki still single? –

Ayumi, one of her girl-friends, asked her one day while they were out having coffee after the holidays.

–I suppose – Himawari answered unsurely.

–He’s been single since forever! Maybe he has a secret girlfriend, like in another school– Kai; another girl-friend; joined the topic.

–Don’t say that! I want to tell him that I like him, but I’m afraid that I’m only going to be “another rejected one” – Ayumi sighed while stirring her tea.

–Well, he has never accepted any girl… at least at our school. If he got himself; like, a secret girlfriend; she must be like heaven– Kai added.

Himawari sat there listening to her friends talk about Doumeki, she knew there were a lot of girls who had a crush on him, however, she never asked him anything about it, mainly because she didn’t want to become a source of information for others.

–… but it’s really hard to see him alone, he’s always with that weird boy; what was his name? –

Himawari focused back at the conversation.

–Are you talking about Watanuki? – she asked, –He’s not weird– she sentenced on the defensive.

–I’m sorry Himawari, I know your friends with him too but you have to admit that he’s a bit weird… –

–That’s rude, he’s such a nice boy– Himawari wasn’t going to allow anyone to speak ill of his friend. 

–Maybe they are… you know… _together_? – Kai suggested in a low voice.

–Why on earth you will say something like that?! – Ayumi seemed so disturbed.

–Think about it you dummy: they have been friends since the beginning of senior high school, they spend all the time together, Doumeki had rejected every single girl and we have never seen him date anyone… and neither Watanuki …– Kai pointed with each finger all her suggestions.

–He can’t be gay! And less in a relationship with…- –

Himawari saw Ayumi biting her tongue.

–Boys can be close friends – she said, trying to maintain the calm but was getting tired of the comments. 

–Himawari, you are the only girl that Doumeki hangs with, you had to have seen something going on– Kai inquired, leaning her body towards her.

–They’re good friends! Please, don't say inappropriate things–

Ayumi and Kai shared a look and apologies to her, but she was sure that when she left, they will keep talking about her friends.

The truth was that Himawari had never talked about dating and love life with his male friends. She remembered that once Watanuki asked her if she liked Doumeki, but that was it.

While she walked home, she reflected on her friends’ behavior, sure, once or twice she had caught them out of the corner of her eyes looking into each other too much, and there was that time when Watanuki couldn’t hide his blush when Doumeki praised him, or when she had caught Doumeki glancing at Watanuki in the distance in an unbreakable staring, or that time when she found them really close behind the lockers, or…

Himawari stood in front of her home’s door with the keys in her hand.

–Oh! –

Snow covered the school’s patio, so bright that it made Himawari’s eyes hurt. She was walking through the corridor towards the stairs where Watanuki had said they would have lunch.

Watanuki, as usual, had made a magnificent _bento_ for them and her mouth watered. 

–Did you submit your career choices to the teacher? – she asked after a few bites.

Doumeki nodded while chewing and she caught Watanuki forcing a smile.

–Not yet– he admitted.

–But, are you going to take the entrance exam, Watanuki? –

–I’m not sure– he said with the same forced smile and she carefully observed Doumeki side-looking at him.

–Well, I think you should try at least… I mean, you still have some time to decide– she tried to encourage him and almost touched his shoulder, but her hand stopped midway.

–Thank you Himawari, you’re always so supportive… tell me, what do you want for dessert tomorrow? –

–Chocolate mousse– Doumeki spoke, she laughed and Watanuki started to ramble about his impoliteness.

The conversation returned to their typical rhythm, but it felt different. Himawari knew that something else was going on behind the curtains, but she trusted that her friends would let her know if something important happened, after all, what are friends for?

*********

January was passing too fast, Watanuki couldn’t tell apart for which exam he was studying for or which homework he was doing. All that he knew was that he had to yield.

Himawari ended up convincing him to take the entrance exam, but he never really studied for it; not like Doumeki and she did it; because he wasn’t even sure of what was to become of his life.

As expected, Doumeki did notice that something was off with him, but every time he brought up the subject, he dismissed it.

–Aren’t you supposed to trust me? – Doumeki questioned him once after he had been changing the topic for over two weeks.

–Aren’t you supposed to believe what I’m telling you? How can you be so difficult? –

Watanuki kept walking and just a few meters he noticed that Doumeki had stopped and was staring at him.

–Are you going to say something? Or at least move? – He asked; harsher than he intended, –I have to work, you know? –

Doumeki moved again and both walked in tensed silence.

A few blocks from Yuuko’s shop both stopped at the intersection where they usually part ways. They didn’t kiss goodbye, but Watanuki felt that even if they did it, Doumeki just wouldn’t kiss him back at that moment.

Before Watanuki continued his way, Doumeki grabbed his wrist.

–Would you tell me if something is wrong? –

–I already told you… – he was about to lose his patience.

–I know– Doumeki interrupted him –If something happens, would you tell me? –

–Yes, yes, you stupid donkey– Watanuki let go of his wrist. –See you tomorrow– he added dryly.

He quickly turned and walked away, not meeting Doumeki’s eyes once neither turning to check if he was still there or was already gone.

People fell out of love all the time and everywhere, yet, he couldn’t force it.

At first, he thought that a clean break up should be easy, but Doumeki was stubborn and he just didn’t give up. Watanuki wasn’t being clear with his intentions either, he tried to put some distance, to avoid spending nights with each other, finding “important things to do” that could work as an excuse to not spent evenings together… and all that “not-really-interested” façade worked but somehow Doumeki always found a way to kiss him breathless and he just couldn’t resist.

Watanuki had been so drunk in euphoria and so blind under the lights of the first love that now trying to get down of the train felt impossible. Even his body felt the consequences of his state of mind, he had constant headaches and nausea that made him stay at home.

–You should be careful – Yuuko told him one evening when he had vomited dinner at the shop.

He nodded her shakenly because something in her eyes made him realize that she knew more than he thought. 

He clung to what he considered right, the only determination he had was to not be so selfish but he lacked strength.

He looked at his parent’s picture and wondered if her mother would have loved him dearly as Doumeki’s mother did it. Would she have wanted his happiness too? Finding a sweet wife and forming a family of his own?

If Shino was his mother, he’ll try all his best to make her happy.

The once comfortable silences were now awkward, filled with tension. The once silly discussions were now real, Doumeki and he argued about simple things and he insulted him, waiting for the moment when finally, he would lose his patience and leave him.

It was so twisted and he cried in rage and desperation because he could see how his attitude affected Doumeki and how he was unable to know where did this mess came from.

He was destroying the strongest connection that he ever had with someone, the only human contact that he had ever felt, the only safety he ever found besides Yuuko.

But Doumeki would never understand his feelings and the way the situation weighed on him.

–Did you complete the form that the teacher requested for? – Doumeki asked him in one of those days when he was too tired to even try to argue about absolutely anything.

Even then, Watanuki hated how Doumeki had developed a way to discreetly know if he was _moody_ or not, so he could plan how to talk to him beforehand.

How long Doumeki would put up with his temper?

–I already told you that I’m not planning on going to university–

Doumeki pursed his mouth.

–It’s good to have options for the future and… –

He groaned in frustration.

–Why don't you mind your own business?! – he snapped at him. 

Doumeki held his gaze with a hurt expression.

–I was just a question… You still have time to decide what you want to do in the future–

In his plan, there was no place for guilt, even if part of him wanted to amend his mistakes.

–Shizuka, have you _really_ thought about the future? – Doumeki looked him attentively. 

–What do you mean? –

Watanuki inhaled and tried to ignore the knot on his stomach.

–There’s more than university, you know that your family expects you to get married and have kids, right? – Watanuki paused, –And you also know that I can’t be that person–

–Then, I guess that I’ll never have children– Doumeki simply said.

There it was again, the rage bubbled inside his chest, why Doumeki gave up his future so easily for him?

–We can’t hide forever –

–I know–

–Your family might like me as your friend but you can’t be “single” forever–

Doumeki wasn’t an expressive person, but after so many months together Watanuki knew what each movement of his facial’s muscles mean, and right now, he had just understood everything.

–I’m planning on telling them about us when admitted to university– Doumeki hurried, –And I’m sure… –

–I don’t think you should, you’ll break your mom’s heart then–

Doumeki stopped there, in shock and Watanuki chuckled mentally, he knew that he wasn’t going to be able to hide forever his intentions. Doumeki understood immediately where his feelings were coming from and also that it was too late, he had already made up his mind.

Still, he tried to take his hand but he stepped away before it happened.

–Kimihiro… –

–I do think it’s better this way–

–No, it isn’t– Doumeki insisted.

–But I do–

– _Kimihiro_ –

Doumeki was agitated and tried to grab his hand again.

–Don’t touch me–

–What the hell are you talking about?! –

Watanuki couldn’t recognize if it was his heart or Doumeki’s the one furiously beating.

–You heard me; I’m breaking up with you–

Doumeki’s hand was fisting his school bag, hard enough to leave his knuckles white, and the silence stretched.

–I’m tired of this…– he vaguely pointed between them, –I have been thinking about it, and I don’t want to be with you anymore– he sentenced carefully because it was the only way that Doumeki would accept it, he’ll never do something against his will. –Don’t look for me anymore–

Watanuki knew there were millions of thoughts on Doumeki’s head, but he wouldn’t voice them. He probably was seeing where all the fights were coming and Watanuki hopped that his act was good enough to convince him.

–Is this what you truly want? – he asked. 

–Yes–

–Kimihiro… –

–Don’t use my given name–

‘Coward’, he thought of himself when he didn’t dare to look him in the eyes and see the pain that he was causing him.

In the distance, the wheels of a car creaked on the pavement.

Watanuki took a deep breath, he knew that Doumeki wouldn’t take the first step and walk away, so he did it, turning around he dragged one foot in front of the other, fighting all the strings that pulled him closer to Doumeki.

It hurts so much more of what he had anticipated, but he knew that soon or later everything has to end. It was for the best, nothing good would come from that relationship. 

*********

Doumeki jolted awake with his pajama stuck to his lower back, he had a terrible nightmare where Watanuki was trapped in a glass box, and no one saw him but he, and when he tried to break the glass, his hand didn’t have any strength and he was old and became dust before he even could say his name.

His heart was still heavily beating when he got out of the futon.

It was the second weekend after the graduation ceremony. A ceremony that felt more like a funeral. He was tense and couldn’t stop looking to Watanuki who was so serious. They shared only space in the room, the official photo and then he was gone. Not a single look.

He felt guilty, how many things he didn’t notice about their relationship? The break-up came of nowhere, he barely had time to process that he was losing him, like water through his fingers.

He wanted to comprehend ‘why’, he tried to call him but he never picked up his calls and when he went to his apartment no-one answered the door.

Watanuki was truly gone.

His mother noticed it, even if he tried to be subtle. She had tried to talk about it but he couldn’t, there was too much to say and he didn’t know how to star.

He missed his grandfather so much.

Doumeki got up and took a cold shower to numb his mind and walked over the small archery field on his home, he had a lot of energy to burn and needed his mind focused on something else.

Near midday, the mailman came to the temple, he didn’t realize how much he had sweat until his fingers damped the envelope. It was the letter with the answer to his applications.

He took another shower and sat on his bedroom floor, somehow nervous, an important part of his life was going to be decided.

Probably he could have been happier for the result, he was accepted into medical school with a scholarship due to his qualifications and his sport’s achievements, but it felt just like a piece of paper on his hand.

Now that his future seems to have some kind of direction, he needed to make another decision.

It took him another two weeks to gather what he needed and finding a job for the summer when he felt it was appropriated, he waited for his mother in the kitchen. 

He wondered if having this conversation before would have turn things differently… but now there was no way to know that.

–Shizuka, I didn’t know you were home – his mother commented when she saw him –I thought that you were already gone to see Watanuki–

–Changes of plans– he simply said, masking the sadness that heard his name was.

–Is that from University? – she asked sitting in front of him, –How it went? –

Doumeki gave her the letter and her mom cried in happiness.

–My love, I’m so proud of you–

–There’s something I need to tell you– He spoke before he could regret it.

His heart was beating fast in his chest and his hands went cold.

–What it is? –

–I’m sorry– he told her, bowing his head.

–Huh? –

–I’m not going to be able to give you what you want– he began –I have been lying to you– her mother looked him with a confused expression.

–What do you mean? –

–I have been dating someone a whole year now–

Shino tensed up in the chair.

_‘Shit’,_ he thought.

–Watanuki– He said, still not meeting her eyes.

She covered her mouth and thick tears rolled down her face. Doumeki felt terrible, but his choice was made. 

–What are you talking about? – she asked with a broken voice.

Doumeki preferred to avoid her more pain and disrespect, and he didn’t explain to her how everything went between them.

–I’m aware of how much shame this brings to our family and I’m not going to ask you for acceptance – he paused –I’m going to move out; not with him; by myself near University–

His mother muffed more crying sounds when she did say a word, he stood up.

–I’m sorry– he murmured before closing the sliding door.

He walked to Watanuki’s apartment out of habit but even if he knocked on the door for some long time no one answer.

–He’s not here– the neighbor said annoyed, –He left early in the morning. –

Doumeki thanked him and left the place. He knew that Watanuki was hiding in the shop since he couldn’t see it.

He stood outside the empty field, what he wanted? What did he wish for?

His heart contracted.

–My, my – Yuuko's voice interrupted his thoughts, –Do you have a wish Doumeki? That’s odd–

He looked her, casually resting on one of the entrance’s poles as if she had been waiting for him. Behind her a house appeared, a house that could only be described as _her house_.

–Is he here? –

–Always so direct– she commented sighing, –You might come in; he is in the backyard–

Doumeki nodded and walked around the shop, his stomach tightened when he saw him. Watanuki was sat on the porch wearing a light blue yukata, his eyes were lost in the sky, never acknowledged him.

‘It hurts’, he thought. 

The sound of his footsteps alerted him, and their eyes met.

Doumeki forgot what he was supposed to say, he missed him terribly, but at the same time, he recognized how different this Watanuki was from the one who was his.

–I got accepted into University– he spoke before the silence became awkward. 

–I was sure that you would make it– Watanuki simply said, looking at the sky again.

Silence again.

–I’m moving out of the temple–

Watanuki looked him again, the fake calm faded away, and there was anger again.

–It was worth breaking your mom’s heart for this?! IDIOT, I’m not getting back toge- –

–I know – He cut him.

Fucking hell, it hurt so much.

–I was being dishonest with her, she doesn’t deserve it, now I’m in peace. – he paused, Watanuki didn’t say anything –This is my choice, it was my call to made and my life to live too–

Watanuki observed him, his eyes were watering, but his pride stopped his tears.

Doumeki softened his expression.

–I still care about you, I always do. No matter what you wish for now –

Watanuki lowered his head and covered his mouth.

‘Please say something, please’, he mentally begged, ‘anything’.

But Watanuki kept still, not a single word.

His heart was screaming on his chest when he walked away.

–A sake bottle is fine? One of my grandfather’s, I’ll bring my payment later– he said looking at Yuuko.

–Indeed– She nodded.

Doumeki walked out of the shop with firm steps, his mind was made, if Watanuki wished to hid there, he should respect him. If he didn’t want him near, he also should respect his choice.

Oh, but his heart was another history, it felt like it was made of rubber and each step away from the shop, from Watanuki, pulled it and stretched it. He touched his chest, it physically hurt.

–This is the only closure we’ll have– he said looking at the same blue sky where Watanuki’s eyes were lost minutes ago.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Work kept me busy, I'm sorry for this unintentional hiatus, and also, I'm sorry for coming back with this sad chapter. 
> 
> I'm hoping to return to my usual upload schedule (◕‿◕)♡ 
> 
> I had so much trouble with this chapter because it was so weird to picture a break-up and how they would react. For the moment I like the two POVs about it, we even got a Himawari POV! I like to think that even if they wanted to be discreet, sometimes you can't just hide love without your friends noticing. 
> 
> About Doumeki "coming out" to his mom I had a lot of thoughts. He's such a composed man and he knows what he had to do and why. Here "I gave him" the chance of exploring his love for another man and also the choice of coming out or not to his family. At first, like in the manga, he probably would have never told her about it, because he respects her and he knows his duties, but I ended up deciding that he would want his mom to know for the same respect. I don't know if he's gay or Watanuki-sexual, at least in this fiction I pictured as gay, but we'll see how this statement affects the future. 
> 
> What do you think? 
> 
> Regarding the timeline in this chapter, I read that in Japan the entrance exam is in mid-January, but I'm not sure of when they get their results, so I improvised a bit.
> 
> I had more things to say but I can't remember right now (ง ื▿ ื)ว 
> 
> Have a great week! ❤


	14. Chapter 14

**CHAPTER 14**

The red light from the traffic light stood out against the monochromatic building behind it, against the white snow and the dark grey from the pavement too.

He blinked to adjust his eyes to the brightness and the green light flicked.

–Do you need help with the bags? – Doumeki spoke next to him.

–I already gave you the heaviest ones– he said, looking at him by his side.

–Hm–

Both walked in comfortable silence, under the soft snow that melted on the tip of his nose.

–Let’s take a detour– Doumeki pointed with the head the street next to them.

The vending machine biped for the third time rejecting Doumeki’s bill, the sounds were lost with the metal of the train against his rail that traveled in the bridge over their heads.

–Why do you like this machine so much? – Watanuki asked, taking off his glasses to clean the dry water spots on them.

The sound of an opening can and Doumeki sipping the coffee joined to the train’s one.

–That coffee brand is being sold everywhere–

Doumeki’s hand stopped his midway when he tried to put back on his glasses and he barely had time to raise his head when his lips touched his. 

–We’re outside– Watanuki whispered and Doumeki pressed their bodies together, pushing them next to the machine, hiding from the public view.

–It’s not about the vending machine… – He murmured between kisses and his hands slid down his back, warming it in the process, and settle in his lower back.

Watanuki’s cheeks probably were in some sort of pink shade, but Doumeki’s body heat and coffee-flavored kisses soon made him forget about complaining.

His arms encircled Doumeki’s shoulders and his foot lost balanced in the uneven ground, Watanuki jolted awake, hugging still the pillow that smelled so much like Doumeki, even if he had washed it countless times. 

–Go away– he said rubbing his painful eyes.

–Watanuki, the oil is burning– Yuuko pointed out from the door’s frame.

–Huh? – the knife he was using slid off his hand and hit the floor right next to his foot. –Shit, shit, shit– he quickly turned off the stove and opened a window to let the smoke out. –I’m sorry Yuuko–

He felt her eyes following his movements, and for once all his confidence in the kitchen went away when he realized that it was the fifth time in the week that he messed up something while cooking.

–You haven’t had any sleep– Yuuko added. 

–I’m just worried about my exams, it’s normal– he tried to lie.

–You know that’s not the only true, dear– Watanuki turned and she was smiling him softly. –Maru, Moro, please prepare us some tea–

–Yes! – Both girls pushed Watanuki out of the kitchen and Yuuko signaled to follow her.

Yuuko and he sat in silence for a long time, he wasn’t sure from where to start and he even wondered if he really needs to tell her everything, he had the suspicion that she already knew.

–I cannot read minds Watanuki– she said caressing his hair in comfort, and that gentle touch was enough to release the weight of the year through his tears. 

He told her everything, about Doumeki and his love for him, about his family and his future’s fears, he cried until his eyes were swollen up.

Maru and Moro brought him a damp cold towel for calming the pressure in his forehead.

–Why it’s so important to please others for over your happiness? – she asked. 

Watanuki snorted.

–No one is going to accept that kind of relationship and I don’t want to be the reason that a family might break up, I don’t want that for him–

Yuuko smoked her pipe and let the smoke dissolve in the air.

–Was I wrong? – he inquired worried at her silence. 

–Whatever your choice, you’re not wrong. But, at the same time you’re not right either– she paused, –All yours and Doumeki’s decisions had brought you here. It’s time to be brave and choose to where now–

Watanuki was getting ready to go home, his conversation with Yuuko left him with more questions than answers but now, he had to confront his home, full of memories and lucid dreams.

He sighed.

–Yuuko, can I… stay? – He asked while she was accompanying him to the front door. 

–Since it’s not part of your job is going to cost you–

–Would you add it to my debt? –

–Of course–

She smiled at him and Maru and Moro happily placed the futon in the spare room.

One night became a week, and weeks turn into months. Yuuko didn’t mention it and Watanuki felt grateful that she didn’t kick him out.

His time at the shop passed in a blur, he knew he was cooking, cleaning and going to school, but when there was nothing else to do, it was like he had stopped to exist, was the same for Yuuko? He barely remembered the graduation ceremony.

The shop was helping him to endure the outcoming of his choice, or at least that was his interpretation. He engrossed on reading every book available about the supernatural, he didn’t care about the amount of time he would have to give in exchange for housing and knowledge, there was nothing else for him outside anyways.

Yuuko gave him jobs again and it felt good to be useful again, even if he was afraid most of the time, still, he refused to even think about Doumeki. He had to learn to deal with kinds of stuff by himself.

But then, one-day Doumeki appeared in the shop to make everything worse.

He didn’t ask what his wish was or why he couldn’t respect his demand for ‘do not look for me’. He listened to him, with a forced calm until he said “I’m moving out the temple” and he knew what he had done.

Rage was little to describe his emotions.

How Doumeki dare to break what he tried so hard to protect? How he could have done exactly what he was trying to prevent?

–It was his right to make a choice too– Yuuko pointed out.

His wrath and disappointment eased one morning while he was brushing his teeth and his right eye reflected a golden one. Doumeki’s half eye. _His debt._

He panicked and quickly looked for a patch to cover it, the last thing he needed was re-opening the connection.

While he walked to the coffee shop where he’ll meet Himawari he remembered that all this mess began because he tried to express his gratitude to Doumeki for saving his life.

He found himself in a relationship that gave him comfort and safeness, while also soothing the needs of his body. He never refused his kisses or the touches and the intimacy that followed up… but he wanted all that?

He cared for him, yes, he was his friend and classmate, and losing him would have been painful, but did he really _love_ him? Or it was just his subconscious accepting the circumstances as part of his way to pay off his debt?

He observed Himawari sat in front of him, asking the waitress which cake was her recommendation, and he also wondered if he ever truthy loved her.

She was beautiful, charming and kind, his heart beat faster in his chest when she spoke to him, but it was love?

The pedestal where she was in his life, during the past year, had slowly disappeared and he had managed to see her as _human_ , a friend.

How affection-starved was he that he thought that a nice human gesture was love? How confused and lonely has he been that he thought that caring for someone immediately was being ‘in love’? 

He laughed of himself, how pathetic he felt now, so desperate for love and warmth he was that he fell+ in love with the first girl that was nice to him.

–I’m starting university next week, but I’ll try my best to have time so we can see each other– Himawari promised when both were walking to her bus stop.

–Do your best Himawari, but don’t overwork yourself–

She nodded.

–You too Watanuki– and she paused, looking at him seriously – _We_ care about you, so please, take care of yourself–

She left with a smile and he walked home while the sunset.

University.

In a couple of days, Doumeki was going to start attending classes too. Probably his female classmates would fall for him and he’ll move on. Eventually, he would date a girl, and eventually, she would cook for him and eventually they’ll get married, they would have children and his life will be fortunate and normal…

And he tried his best to be okay with that idea. Doumeki and his mother deserved happiness and there was nothing he could give them because he simply had nothing to offer.

*********

Yuuko was lounging on the porch, sat down in her wicker armchair, drinking beer with Mokona while the girls played in the small swimming pool.

–Yuuko– Mokona called while placing down the can, –is everything alright? – he asked with that serious attitude that rarely she saw. –Mokona sensed something, but Mokona can’t tell what it is–

She sighed and extended her eyesight to the boy cleaning the back garden, the boy who resolved his problems by hiding, himself and his eye, the boy who grabbed the broom in a tight grip and sometimes looked outside the shop, waiting. 

– _Almost_ –

Watanuki had been working for her for a long time, she knew beforehand they would meet and how things would end for her, and she wished to have more time. It was paradoxical to think that her business was to fulfill wishes and yet she could not complete hers in the same way she couldn’t foreshadow her future, only traces of it.

But death was a certain thing, even if for her took the long road…

Yuuko loved the boy in a parental way; even if she never had a chance to be a mother in her human days; and it broke her heart to see Watanuki lost and alone. He had finished high school as a normal student, but he was isolating himself from the world.

The summer they were living felt so different from the last one.

A boy without parents, relatives or self-value, with his friend busy and his formed friend/lover cast aside… Watanuki was utterly alone.

She didn’t count herself; she knew that her existence was conditioned, and that terrified her; because now that Watanuki didn’t have an anchor to the real world, he was easy prey for the shop and his tempting offer of numbness.

The worst part was her role, as a shopkeeper, she wasn’t allowed to give anything without payment, and Watanuki already was running short.

She looked into the strings of the future, but again it didn’t give any clear reading.

–Someone else has to make a choice– she told to Mokona.

Before Doumeki decided to go further in his relationship with Watanuki, before their bond deepened, the future of his apprentice would have been terrible, trapped in the shop, living in a purgatory motivated by a promise made in a whim. 

She wanted him to be happy, to have friends and fall in love, to live a mortal and simple life, not like her, cursed and alone, waiting for a time that it seems to never come.

However, if Watanuki kept evading the real world he would choose that destiny, a life in confinement. She couldn’t say anything to him, not directly, the choice it would be his, but she wanted to push him towards the outside, to the simple life, to the open options.

–Yuuko, I’m going to start to make dinner– Watanuki interrupted her.

–Okay, make something fresh– she smiled at him.

–Mokona wants ice cream– Mokona said jumping over his head.

–Ice cream, Ice cream– Maru and Moro chanted around.

–That’s not dinner! – He claimed.

She observed him walk away to the kitchen with the girls behind him.

Soon his time will be up, she would be able to grant his original wish but, when was soon? The end of the summer? Did they have time until the end of the year?

–This food is delicious as always Watanuki – she complimented him.

–Thank you–

–It’s a shame for those who live without it, haven’t you thought about having your own business? – She asked carefully, she just needed to plant the seed.

–What?! Do you think that I could do that? – He seemed surprised.

–Of course! Your food is great, the best I ever had–

–I don’t know if I would be able to do that… – he commented with a thoughtful look.

–Why don’t you attend culinary school? You can become the greatest cook or confectioner–

Watanuki stopped abruptly and his face frozen.

–You won’t be here forever– she added extending her cup.

–It would be nice though– he said, coming back to himself, pouring her more sake.

Her chest tightened, Watanuki was already contemplating the idea of staying here.

–Don’t you remember your wish? –

–It’s been so long since that… – he sighed and resumed his task of serving dinner.

‘I don’t want to be alone’, she feels his thoughts, a wish that he had, but was afraid to ask for.

–There are prices that we don’t have to pay– 

Watanuki looked at her.

–Are you tired of me Yuuko? – he asked, with watering eyes and a broken smile.

She extender her arm and patted his head affectionally.

–You have grown up so much and you would continue doing it, and I want you to be happy–

She could feel the strings of the shop pulling around her. She could not give without taking.

–I’m happy here–

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everybody, 
> 
> We're in the final stretch! 
> 
> In this chapter, I used again some of manga-Yuuko's phrases and also we had a Yuuko POV. 
> 
> Yesterday I was re-watching Holic S1 and I have to say that chapter 11 it's my favorite (because of how cute Wata looks when he give back Doumeki's soul) and also chapter 21 when Doumeki invites himself to Wata's home and asked him to make dinner (and Wata actually does it!). Those chapters always motivate me to write domestic blissness. 
> 
> Until next week!!


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope 5K it's a good way to come back.

**CHAPTER 15**

Watanuki walked under the midday sun, summer was already over, but somehow, he hadn’t noticed.

He watched the kids and teenagers passing by, going to school, and living their carefree life like adulthood was some distant future. It made him feel nostalgic. He didn’t necessarily miss high school but what it meant it and the people he had met.

While he waited in the checkout line, he texted Himawari back, she had started University already and sometimes it was hard to keep in touch, but she was happy and making new friends, she had moved on.

He would like to admit that he had moved on too, and in a way, he did it. Part of him was bustling with work, Yuuko sometimes dried out his energy, and between errands and the maintenance of the shop, he barely had time to feel sentimental. Yet, there were also moments when he couldn't avoid feel nostalgic, and even stupid or simple things would make him think of Doumeki, and he wondered if he had moved on too.

His heart yearned him then, and he reminded himself that he shouldn’t be selfish. They were no longer together, Doumeki owed nothing to him and he must let him go. It was the best thing he could do for him in return. 

When he was back in the shop with groceries, he saw an extra pair of shoes in the _genka_ , meaning that Yuuko must be with a client. Pausing his thoughts, he hurried up to the kitchen to make some tea when he saw Doumeki Shino sat at the kitchen table.

–Watanuki! I’m glad to see you– she greeted him with a warm smile.

He was perplexed for a moment, he looked at Yuuko who was sat in front of her. 

–Just in time. Mrs. Doumeki is here to talk to you– she said in her business tone before standing up and leave the room.

–Would you like some tea? – he offered her, almost too quickly when the door closed.

–Yes, thank you–

His scattered mind seemed to not settle for any coherent thought, even his heart seemed to be on the edge of an arrhythmia. He kept his hands busy to avoid this weird encounter as much as he could; he boiled the water and made tea, then placed a tray with some sweets that he had made early in the day and when he was about to wash the knife Shino broke the silence.

–Watanuki, sit down, please–

He gulped and took a sit in front of her, he couldn’t look her in the eyes, for a mix of shame and guilt, where he should begin with? “I’m sorry for sleeping with your son?”, that wasn’t remotely acceptable.

–I must admit I’m a little disappointed– she spoke quietly first. 

–I’m so sorry– he hurried up, –I _never_ meant to disrespect you– Watanuki tried to explain himself.

–That's funny, Shizuka told me the same thing– Shino smiled sadly at the memory, –It wasn’t easy to hear him say it but… – she cleared her throat, –but that wasn’t what surprised me to most–

She made a pause and Watanuki wasn’t sure if he should push more the subject.

–I’m afraid that I’m not understanding– 

She stared at her reflection on her cup, steaming hot, she blew it out before lifting the cup to her mouth.

–You see, as a mother, you wish all the happiness in the world for your child, but I never thought, in a million years, that it was going to be me the one hurting him–

–But you haven’t– he hurried to reassure her.

–Yes, I have– she sipped her tea before continuing –I always pressured him to get married and have children because I believed that that was happiness, or at least it was for me, and I never considered that maybe he didn’t want any of that. And now, he’s thought so badly of me that he thought it would be better if he left home... – her voice cracked but she kept talking – How terrible you must be to make your only son feel he should leave home because he can’t give you what you want? –

Shino busted in tear and Watanuki reached tissues for her, still confused by the words his mind couldn’t follow, he recalled Doumeki telling him something about leaving the temple, but since he lost track of him, he never knew what happened.

–I want my boy; my _only_ boy; to be happy and live a life that would make him feel fulfilled, I want that so much, even over the responsibilities of the Doumeki’s household–

Watanuki was left speechless, so many emotions were blending inside him. 

–I shouldn’t be this selfish, especially with the family that took us in, even after Shizuka’s father went away, but I can’t let my son go through that hardship–

–You have all the right to be selfish and protective over who you love– He said to encourage her, but those words, coming from deep down his heart, made _him_ aware of something else.

Shino smiled at him.

–When he first told me that he planned to leave home to go to live somewhere else, my heart broke. I know that a lot of students do that when they go to University, but I wanted him to stay a bit longer with me, is my son after all… – she chuckled while drying her cheeks – It seems that I need him more than he needs me–

–He loves you dearly too; he is just a bit… stubborn–

–Yeah, he is– she laughed now, more relaxed. –Well, he’s living with me, but he still wants to move in a couple of years. He’s working at the archery field near home as an instructor, to make some money–

–He would have been a great teacher, he taught me math and helped me to get better grades– he tried to say it playfully but soon enough he realized how sad he sounded. 

Shino eyed him over her cup.

–Somehow, I knew about you two– she took one of the sweet he had made, –I could see how happy he was, but I was so blind at the same time–

Watanuki heard her ‘so good’ while she tastes it but he was focused on not letting his tears down. Talking about the good times felt like a punch in the stomach.

–Shizuka told me that you were no longer together– she added with caution. 

He nodded.

–Yeah, I wanted for him to be _happy_ and fulfill his duty–

–I thought you love him – Shino said surprised. 

Watanuki felt his heart accelerate in his chest.

–I… –

She observed him and grabbed his hand over the table.

–So considerate with others, my dear boy, what about yourself? –

Watanuki looked at her wide-eyed, tears rolling down his face. 

–I had accepted the situation, it wasn’t easy, to begin with, but I love my son too much to lose him over him not liking girls–

Watanuki grabbed her hand more tightly, Shino stood up and embrace him, patting his hair while he cried.

–Forgive me, this is so embarrassing – he said trying to gain back some composure.

–It’s okay, we all need someone who dismisses our fears and held our hand in the difficult times– she reassured him now while cleaning his tearful cheeks.

It made him think of his own mother and the times she kissed his head and sang him to sleep.

–Now– she added while smoothing his hair– We would love to have you back, however, if you had already made your mind, we’ll understand that too–

Shino left the shop looking calmer and taking home some of the sweets he made. She talked briefly with Yuuko before she dismissed her at the gate. 

Watanuki sat still in the kitchen, crying silently over the cold tea when he heard Yuuko coming back.

–What are you going to do, Watanuki? – she inquired.

He sniffed and looked at her.

–I’m just a foolish boy–

Yuuko came closer and softly caressed his head. 

–You have to choose, there are not going to be second chances and you might die before getting another opportunity to have this option in your lifetime–

A few days later, he was still weighing Shino’s words, and how they had changed his perspective about what he had done and what it needs to be done. Yuuko had said that we couldn’t go back in time, and the past was something we couldn’t change. Yet, part of him was allowed to dream, just a little bit, about all the possibilities for now on.

Yuuko was a loyal believer of ‘Hitsuzen’ but she also talked about how each one must do his part to bring change, and if one wishes it, with all his heart, perhaps the desire will come true.

In the end, the will is one of our most potent ways of magic.

And, after everything he had been through, he still wished to find normality.

–Yuuko– he began after he had served lunch; she leaned his head attentively. –I’m going back to my apartment– 

–Oh dear, I’ll miss having pancakes for breakfast– she commented theatrically, putting her forearm on her head. –I’ll die of starvation–

Maru and Moro jumped to hug his legs.

–Watanuki we’ll miss you–

–I’m not leaving forever; I still have a debt to pay– he patted their heads affectionally.

The girls leaned and kissed his cheeks at the same time, he wondered if even in their soulless existence they could really experiment emotions and feelings, or were they an extension of Yuuko’s? Since Yuuko only smiled him proudly.

Nevertheless, that afternoon he packed his clothes and left the shop with firm steps. He needed to try to gain back his life, to make his own choices, and good ones, ones that involved living in the real world. 

His landlord was happy to see him back, he was a discreet man and asked nothing about his departure. He gave him the mail that had accumulated over his absence and Watanuki remembered he was a real person, after all, a person who had electricity bills to pay and food to put on his fridge.

His home was the same; lame and cold; he had missed summer and autumn’s cleaning and dust was over every surface. It took him two days to clean and arrange everything, to pay his bills and bring food, he even had to turn on the central heating since winter was coming.

He touched the _tatami_ floor and looked around his home.

–I’ll try my best–

The thing was, he didn’t know how to fix the mess he had created. It wasn’t easy for him just to say ‘sorry’ and ‘thank you’, especially when those words were for Doumeki. He knew what he had to do; the problem was actually doing it.

His mother would be so disappointed in his behavior, but he couldn’t help to feel in that way when he looked at Doumeki, even after all those months together. He drove him out of his mind, and at first, he had mistaken his feelings for hate, but later on, he truly experienced how short the line between hate and love was. One day he wanted to punch him in the face and the next one he just wanted to kiss him breathless.

God, he had been so stupid.

He never allowed himself to admit he ‘loved’ Doumeki. Love was such a compromising word, and for him, a person who grew without the normal human affection, he craved it, he knew that and even if the idea seemed so sweet and nice, to be over the moon for somebody, he was well aware that this lack of affection would make him cling onto the first person who gave him any kind of affection and attention, with his teeth and claws, and dependency and loneliness were not love.

Besides, convention and society always made him believed that he would marry a lovely wife, and it was a whole revelation to admit he didn’t want a sweet stay-at-home wife, except that _he_ wanted to be the one being cherished and embraced, and there was nothing wrong with that. If Doumeki was willing to work out a relationship with him, he owed him at least to try and gave back something too.

There was still the chance that Doumeki would turn him down, because, who in their right state of mind would forgive him? but even if Doumeki rejected him, wouldn’t be nice to part ways with no hard feelings? He also owed him that.

The train ride was uneventful, he was particularly tired like every Friday since he had started to work at two places at the same time, since Yuuko’s wasn’t exactly a remunerated job and soon or later the government was going to cease the allowance that he received, he felt obligated to work in the meantime.

It wasn’t easy at the beginning, but he was a very diligent boy, and every day he did his best, even if that meant to leave home early in the morning, then go to Yuuko’s and then go home late at night. He never overslept, but his body could no longer wake up before 10 o'clock on Saturday morning

Watanuki yawned and the glass on the train door fogged, he was planning on how much he was going to enjoy his Friday afternoon just by staying in bed when he noticed the rain pouring heavier and heavier each time his stops came closer. When the doors opened at his station he shivered, maybe this weekend they would have the first snow of the winter. 

He had borrowed his umbrella to one of his co-workers but observing the weather he considered buying a new one since the walk wasn’t exactly short to his apartment but he discarded that idea; he wasn’t going to waste that money. He stood looking at the sky, wondering if it was going to stop soon and how fast he should run to get home as soon as possible.

Just when he was going to adventure outside the station’s roof a hand grabbed his shoulder.

His blood went cold and he turned around in fear of being robbed in the middle of the day. Still, when he looked at the person next to him, he almost had a heart attack.

– _Doumeki_ – The murmuring of his name left a bittersweet taste on his tongue. –What are you doing here?! – he asked paranoidly; as if the train station wasn’t a public place; and regretted it as soon as he said it.

–Coming home from classes– Doumeki spoke with his calm voice tone and Watanuki tried to ignore his agitated pulse. 

–Oh–

He noticed his hand was still over his shoulder and Doumeki let go of him murmuring ‘sorry’.

–You’re going home too–

Watanuki nodded at his more-affirmation-than-a-question and Doumeki approached him his umbrella.

–Huh? No, it’s fine, I don’t need it–

Doumeki stared at him and Watanuki’s inside throbbed when he recognized his ‘Yes, you do’ kind of eyes.

–Take it. It’s fine–

–My home is closer than yours, and it’s not the first time that I walk under the rain without an umbrella, don’t worry– he insisted on, pushing away Doumeki’s hand.

–Yeah, but you don’t have to do it now. Here, take it–

Doumeki lifted his hand and placed the umbrella on it, Watanuki was immobile by the moment, the circumstances, as everything seemed to be the same even if nothing was... He could _hear_ his brain processing; like a computer; whatever was happening.

–Why are you like this? – Watanuki asked softly; more like a thought than a real question; looking down at the ground and wondering when his shoes got wet.

–Because you’re an idiot– Doumeki added in the same whisper tone.

Watanuki didn’t refute and stared at the damn umbrella. Somehow the wind sounded like Yuuko’s voice and the whistling seemed to spell ‘Hitsuzen’.

–Use it– He sentenced.

In a blink, Doumeki was beginning to walk out from the station, and before he could step down the stairs, Watanuki shouted.

–Wait! – He extended the umbrella over their heads. –My house is on the way to yours. We can walk together, then you can go with the umbrella–

Doumeki observed him for a minute too long and nodded. Both walked in silence, trying to balance the umbrella between them, which was pretty useless since they were still getting wet with the rain and wind.

His mind was blank, not sure if it was because he was thinking so many things or nothing at all, and Doumeki’s firm shoulder pressed to his wasn’t helping at all.

When his apartment complex came into view it wasn’t raining anymore but hailing, Watanuki’s bones hurt from the cold.

–If it’s fine with you, you should wait for the storm to end before going home– he suggested, and if the spirits were listening to him, a thunder rumble.

Doumeki’s eyes were attentive, his face was the only part of him that wasn’t wet and Watanuki could see his breathing condensate out of his nose.

–I... your clothes are still here; you could change at least– 

–Sure– 

Watanuki punched himself mentally, why he has to be like this? His heart wasn’t calmed for bumping into him and now, after months, they were hanging together again. His fingers were shaken while he put the key on his door, and not only for the cold that drilled his body.

Still silent, they both took off their shoes and jackets. Watanuki hurried and went to his room to get clothes for Doumeki.

–Take a shower first, meanwhile, I’ll prepare tea, I’m showering after you–

Doumeki nodded glancing at the floor and went to the bathroom. After the door closed Watanuki grabbed his head.

‘What I am doing?!!’, all his being was overwhelmed by his impulsive actions.

–If he goes home all wet because of me he would get sick– he whispered to himself to try to find a justification.

He peeled off his damped clothes, dropped them in the kitchen sink, and put on a robe while he waited for the shower.

Meanwhile, he put some water to boil and set the cups. He remembered the _mochi_ that he had made and he could only hear ‘Hitsuzen’ all over again.

He tried to not look too much at Doumeki coming out of the shower, with the clothes that he usually wore when he stayed with him.

He hurried to the shower, the hot water felt heavenly, he was so cold that his feet burned with the contrast of the water and he couldn’t feel more blessed than when he put on dried, soft and warm clothes.

He served the tea and snacks, and they ate in silence, awkwardly interrupted by the sound of the tea’s sips. Neither of them making eye contact.

Out of courtesy, Watanuki asked him about classes, and the topic later changed to his new work. While Doumeki spoke, his eyes ventured to his companion, shyly at first, he notices how much he had changed since high school, how his body seemed larger and by the way the shirt was hugging his shoulders he seemed to have gained some more muscles. Watanuki clinched at his cup trying not remembering how his back used to feel under his fingertips.

–Thanks for the food– Doumeki said when he was done.

–You don’t have to do the dishes– Watanuki hurried when Doumeki stood up with the plates and walked to the sink.

–Let me, before I leave–

Watanuki stopped midway, somehow his words made him feel sad.

Doumeki did the dishes in the exact same way he had instructed him how to do them. Watanuki observed his focused expression while leaning against the countertop and he crossed his arms to hid his anxious hands.

The clock’s _tic-tac_ was never before this annoying.

He grabbed their clothes and went to the bathroom to load the washing machine but mainly to escape from the suffocating room, where his thoughts didn’t seem to _click._

How long have been he waited for a chance to see Doumeki? How many times he tried to go and talk to him but always ended up running away? He had to be brave now, it might not get another chance. 

His mouth was dry and he felt like he was going to be sick at any moment, he took a deep breath and washed his face to calm down the growing redness on it. When he went back to the main area, Doumeki was standing in the kitchen, his body leaned against the sink, arms crossed and the most unreadable long face he had ever seen.

Both stared at each other across the room, the weather outside, and the clock on the wall were the only noises in the room, and Watanuki’s ears were starting to hurt by the silence.

–I’ve been meaning to talk to you for a long time– he opened up and Doumeki relaxed his shoulders immediately. –I guess I was just hiding and running in circles–

Doumeki hm-ed and Watanuki continued.

–I… I’m sorry– he breathed out; because he wasn’t going to overcomplicate the situation. 

It was a fraction of a second, but Watanuki saw the surprise on Doumeki’s face, his lips parted a little bit, breathing to calm down. 

–We both made our choices, it’s okay now–

–Don’t give me your sympathy– he said defensive.

–I am not. It’s true– Doumeki continued calmly.

–How can it be? How can be everything okay when I…? –

–I care about you– he interrupted him, and now it was his turn to be surprised instead. –I told you before, didn’t I? –

Watanuki was taken aback for a moment, Doumeki had softened his expression too.

–Still, it’s not an excuse for the way I acted and what I said– He apologized, scratching his neck.

–I know, it’s okay–

Watanuki chuckled.

–You’re still unbearable at times, so pretentious– he leaned his shoulder to the wall and when he looked at Doumeki, across the room, he was kind of smiling.

–You’re still a clueless fool–

Watanuki narrowed his eyes offended but then he busted into laughing to hid his crying interior.

–This is just so… I mean… – he took a deep breath, Doumeki had moved a bit, as he intended to come closer but decided to not. –I just wanted to part in good terms–

–I see– Doumeki made a long pause staring at him, his eyes pierced his skull. –It’s that all you wanted? – 

He seemed disappointed and Watanuki blinked perplexedly.

–I mean… yeah–

What else he could ask for when he owed so much and gave so little back.

–It’s what you _truly_ want? – Doumeki pressed and Watanuki was left speechless.

–Doumeki… I… –

–Answer me– 

–All this time; and you still are going to ignore what people say to you? – Watanuki avoided his eyes and intended to walk away, but Doumeki was faster and grabbed his arm.

–Don’t lie–

Watanuki startled at the sudden movement, and instinctively tried to free himself, but Doumeki’s grip was firm. 

–Just because I let you go that time, doesn’t mean I wanted to – Watanuki was shocked by his confession. –But I’ll let you go if you answer me, _honestly_ this time–

Their eyes were glued, so many emotions trying to come out at once, Watanuki could feel Doumeki’s pulse and see his chest expanding with each breath. Finally, he lowered his shoulders.

–It’s what I have. I can’t ask more from you; I already took too much–

In an instant, Doumeki pulled his body closer, embracing him, his hand grabbed his head, and the other his lower back, with a bit more force than a loving hug, could be considered.

–You’re so dumb– Doumeki spoke in his hair.

Watanuki closed his eyes and allowed the lukewarm sensation to invade him.

–Who are you calling a dumb, you dickhead? – he asked rhetorically.

–Hm, I thought you liked dicks–

–Oh, shut up–

Doumeki relaxed and some sort of a nostril laugh came out him, he loosened the grip of his arms around him and pressed his mouth to his forehead in some kind of kiss when Watanuki returned the hug.

–Listen… I care about you and it hurts me when you make stupid decisions. I told you before, didn’t I? I’ll carry half of the burden with you, but I can’t do it if you aren’t honest with me– 

Watanuki rested his head on his shoulder, still not quite believing what Doumeki had said. 

–I thought it was the right thing to do, y’know… I just wanted you to have chances to live a normal life–

–I know– Doumeki whispered in his ear, hugging him tightly, inhaling his scent. 

–How can really be okay? –

–I’m fine with it, my mother is also okay with- –

–But, your relatives, the temple… your whole future! – Watanuki interrupted him, glancing him with sad eyes. 

–I don’t care about that– he tried to say to comfort him.

–It matters to me… I’m used to be the target of laughs and being looked down upon by people, but you don’t! You don’t know what it feels like to be rejected– 

–I do–

Watanuki chuckled.

–What could the rich kid know about rejection? Huh? –

–You rejected me all the times– Doumeki pointed and Watanuki’s face changed from a smug smile to shock. –Not that it matters right now, but you’re the only one that I cared the most about and the only one who kept pushing me aside–

Watanuki lowered his head in shame.

–I… but… –

–It’s not the same as you, but I do know rejection–

–I didn’t know you felt that way…–

–You believed that I liked Kunogi–

–How anyone can not-like Himawari! – he lifted up his head again. 

–I never liked her, at least, not in the same way as you do–

–As I _used_ to do– He corrected him and both stared at each other.

Now his face and even his ears were furiously red.

–You _do_ like me– Doumeki pointed with a small smug smile.

For a moment his mouth was going to strike back in some sort of insult, but he just smiled at him.

–Yes, I do like you–

Doumeki was waiting for his remark but it was so worthy to see his perplexed face instead, but before he could announce his triumph Doumeki’s lips pressed against his in a kiss that lifted his stomach and twisted his inside.

– _I really hate you_ – Watanuki panted on a millisecond break while clinging at Doumeki’s shirt.

–No, you don’t– Doumeki murmured in a quick breath against his mouth before returning to kiss him.

The sun was already set when he woke up, his room was dark and he still could hear the rain through his window. He blinked a couple of times before turning around. Jeez, he was tired. He rubbed his eyes and looked next to him; Doumeki was laying there under the futon, he also seemed tired.

–How do you feel? – his boyfriend asked, caressing the hand he was holding under the covers.

–I’m tired and… sored– he complained while accommodating in bed when he suddenly felt a warm liquid ran down his thigh –… and sticky–

–Sounds good to me –

Watanuki rolled his eyes.

–Such an animal–

–Come, I’ll run a bath for you–

Doumeki tried to stand up but when he noticed him not moving, he lay back down.

–What is it? –

Watanuki made a long pause.

–Is this real? – he covered his eyes with his hands, –I don’t want to wake up alone again– He spoke almost inaudible.

Now there was a long pause on Doumeki’s end.

–I… this… – his voice cracked and he pressed the heel of his palm into his eye socket, trying to not cry more.

Doumeki held him between his arms and let him set his mind.

–There are times when I can’t tell apart dreams from reality. It hurts so much to wake up– Watanuki’s fingertip slid across Doumeki’s chest, making imaginary draws on his skin. –and knowing my luck, maybe this is not reality–

–I’m here– Doumeki tighten his embrace and Watanuki sniffed loudly.

–I never took your feelings into consideration and I also made decisions for you too– He spoke his mind.

–I know your intentions now, don’t worry– One of Doumeki’s hand came to his head to play with his hair, pushing it aside from his forehead.

–Shizuka, you’re dear to me–

Doumeki’s hand stopped and he pressed their foreheads together before kissing him, so tenderly that Watanuki’s heart melt.

–You’re dear to me too– he whispered into his mouth, and it was so much better than everything he could ever have imagined.

Watanuki blinked a couple of times, his face felt flushed but even in the darkness he could tell that Doumeki was also blushing and smiling in his own Doumeki-way. They stayed in bed, kissing a bit longer in the pure bliss of being together again.

–What were you saying about a bath? – Watanuki asked after a while.

–Then, dinner– Doumeki added and his stomach growled in approval.

Watanuki’s legs were cramped and Doumeki gave him an amused eyebrow lift when his thighs spasmed.

–Don’t flatter yourself–

–It wasn’t me who suggested to…–

Watanuki pressed his palm into his mouth to shut him up.

Doumeki helped him to shower and both took turns to wash each other backs. After that, he helped him to get into the bathtub while he rinsed his body.

Watanuki wished to have a bigger bathtub then.

–Are you spending the night? – he asked when Doumeki was done and sat down over the shower wood stool.

–If I spend the night I might not want to leave ever again– he admitted with a soft expression.

Watanuki’s chest puffed, it was disgustingly romantic, it made his insides twist, but he couldn’t avoid smiling at him.

–Then don’t leave–

Doumeki smiled him back tenderly.

–I won’t– he promised him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long time no see, but at least I’m back. 
> 
> The whole situation with the COVID-19 got me so depressed that I didn’t feel like writing at all, I got a new job and I was worried about keeping it since I’m a freelance worker, I’m still quite busy but I hope to have the final chapter soon. I don’t want it to become a burden since I love this story so much. 
> 
> Thank you for your patience and I hope you enjoyed the chapter <3


	16. Chapter 16

**CHAPTER 16**

As soon as Yuuko woke up, she sensed that the client she had been waiting for would come in today. 

Watanuki, Mokona, and she ate breakfast and then lunch together. When the time came, she sent Watanuki to the supermarket and waited for her client.

Doumeki Shino.

She carried too many wishes and too many regrets on her shoulders, but it was a good woman who loved dearly his son, and Watanuki too.

–A wish shop? – she asked skeptically.

They talked for a while; Shino needed to refine her wish, otherwise, her payment would be too much to handle.

–He works here– Yuuko commented casually when Shino mentioned Watanuki.

She was surprised and asked to talk to him, in exchange she would bring one of Haruka’s sake, just like her son did once.

Yuuko could read the distress and shock in Watanuki’s face when he saw Shino, but he needed to face it, this might be his chance to change his mind.

The shop pulled his strings on her again, she wasn’t allowed to want things, less to interfere, but she was a very powerful witch, she could handle whatever the shop put against her. 

Yuuko listened to their conversation, not necessarily behind the door; she didn’t need that. Afterward, Shino and her coordinated the payment and later dismissed her at the gate.

Watanuki was crying in the kitchen, it hurt her so much. 

–What are you going to do, Watanuki? – she asked him.

–I’m just a foolish boy–

She thought on all the things she could say to him to ensure his life outside this world, like her own story or how she has been trying to not involve him more with the spirit world by giving him fewer side jobs related to her business, but each word of knowledge will be charging him more and more.

–You have to choose, there are not going to be second chances and you might die before getting another opportunity to have this option in your lifetime–

Yuuko has been existing for so long that she sometimes forgets what pain feels like, since any physical wounds don’t hurt anymore, but there’re pains that just don’t go away, and those brief moments she remembers ‘I was human once’.

She no longer wishes, but this crying boy in front of her sticks deep needles into her heart and make her want him not to become her, to not take her place in the endless void that this cursed shop was.

‘I want you to keep existing’, she thought. 

Yuuko had not felt as much happiness as the day Watanuki announced he was going back to his apartment, and later on, he also announced he had got a new job in a small ramen restaurant, and then, that Doumeki and he were back together. But then one day he came in; very proud of himself; declaring he was going to attend culinary school.

She toasted for him each time and prayed to her body, ‘Just a little more time’.

–Himawari is going to come to my birthday party– he commented after hanging the phone. –She’s bringing her boyfriend, Shirai, she wants us to meet him–

–Aren’t you jealous? – She asked over her cup of tea.

Watanuki shook his head.

–I’m glad she’s happy. You were right Yuuko, she wasn’t _my_ lucky lady, but someone else’s– he said it with so much determination and happiness in his eyes.

–So mature Watanuki, I already miss your outbursts– she teased him pouting her lips.

Doumeki’s mother insisted on celebrating it at the temple so Himawari and her boyfriend could enter, it was something so simple but still, she couldn’t do it.

–Watanuki! – The sweet voice of Himawari resounded in the yard, and Watanuki almost danced in happiness when he saw her walking inside, hand in hand with a tall boy.

–Himawari! I’m so happy to see you– he greeted her taking her hands.

–Me too, thank you for inviting us– she cheered, given him a tender squeeze back. –Watanuki, this is my boyfriend Shirai Shigeo– she introduced the boy next to her. He was tall like him and had light brown hair.

–Pleased to meet you, Himawari talks a lot about you– Shirai said making a small reverence.

Yuuko saw Watanuki blushing and responding also to the reverence.

–I’m Watanuki Kimihiro. I’m glad we can meet–

The boy looked at his side, where Doumeki was standing.

–Doumeki! I’m happy to see you too– Himawari added –Shirai, he’s- –

–Doumeki Shizuka– Watanuki introduced him, and Yuuko saw him hesitant for a minute before taking his hand. –He’s my boyfriend–

–Pleased to meet you too– Shirai added, and both boys interchanged politesse.

–You don’t seem surprised– Watanuki later pointed out to Himawari when they were sat down over the picnic cloth. She gave him a cocky smile and those eyes of a young woman that already knew.

–Oh, Watanuki– she laughed.

–What?! Shizuka already told you? – Watanuki’s face was blushing so fast. 

–I’m your friend, how could I not know about you two? Huh? – 

Watanuki relaxed his expression.

–I’m sorry that it wasn’t me the one that informed you about this… I…–

–I know, don’t worry– she answered, still smiling.

–Hey– Doumeki called him from the barbacoa. –Is this well done? –

–Doumeki cooks? – Himawari asked amazed, looking at her other friend. 

–Yes, but I seasoned this meat… _Hey_ , turn over the ones in the corner– Watanuki pointed standing up and walking to Doumeki.

Himawari greeted Shino and her, and also introduce them to her boyfriend. Yuuko chatted with her while they all waited for the meat to be ready.

The food was delicious and the weather was perfect, a soft breeze when through them and Yuuko observed the picture: new friends and old friends, family, and lovers.

She hoped that this time it would be enough. 

After the sunset, Shino brought the cake that she baked for him, and she watched Watanuki holding back tears while everybody sang.

When was the last time that someone else did one for him?

–Here– Doumeki’s voice spoke next to her, offering a cold beer.

–Ah Doumeki, always so efficient–

The party was ending, Himawari and her boyfriend were helping to clean, while Watanuki and Shino were putting away the leftovers. 

–It’s because Shirai is from a shrine, like me that Himawari’s… _situation_ doesn’t affect him – he said carefully.

–It depends– She understood Watanuki when he complained about Doumeki’s half question half affirmation –Are you going to pay me to know? – She asked him with a teasing smile, even if she knew that Doumeki rarely played her game. 

He opened a can for himself and drank some beer before talking.

–I guess, I have more questions– he made a short pause before continuing –I did what you told me to do long ago–

–Huh, you teach him? –

He nodded.

–I hope it was enough for him to know how I feel about the choices he makes– She remained still. –I hope it wasn’t too late– he added, and then looked at her right in the eyes. –He deserves to be happy–

–Aye, do you have a wish Doumeki? – she teased but he shook his head.

–I just want you to have it present–

She narrowed her eyes.

–You’re bold– she added in the same playful voice tone and the two remained silent. –Haruka was right– Doumeki arched an eyebrow at her, –He always brags about you and always says how proud is he of you, his brave grandson– she took a sip from her beer, and this time she spoke seriously, –We both did our best, now it’s up to Watanuki– 

She knew that Doumeki had some sort of sixth sense, related to his high logic skill and his intuition more than the exorcist’s blood that ran through his veins, so it didn’t surprise her that he already suspected that there was something happening, but she couldn’t tell him.

–I’ll take your family hospitality as payment for the piece of knowledge that I shared with you– she finished her beer and picked up her purse.

Doumeki also stood up and begun to walk her out of the temple.

–Yuuko, are you already leaving? – Watanuki asked, coming back from the kitchen.

She observed Watanuki, the thin boy that once she met didn’t seem to be the same standing in front of her, he not only had grown on size but also in maturity and also learned to rely on others, his new family, it made her proud.

–Happy birthday Watanuki, enjoy the rest of the night– she smiled at him sincerely.

Watanuki made a pause, and both stared at each other back. He didn’t exactly know what was about to happen in the future, and even if it’s going to be painful, she was sure that this time he would be able to endure it.

The burden felt less heavy on her shoulders.

–Thank you, Yuuko–

*********

–So, how many chocolates did you get this year? – Watanuki asked when Doumeki got home after classes.

–Not as many as last year– He said taking off his shoes.

–Are you losing your charm? – He teased him with a smirk. 

–Maybe I’m – Doumeki greeted him with a kiss. –I’m home–

–Welcome back– Watanuki answered kissing him again.

–People believe that I have a secret girlfriend that cooks all the _bentos_ that I carry– he added, taking out the bento box from his backpack to put it into the sink.

Watanuki busted in a laugh and returned to the stove where dinner was simmering.

–Poor soul the one that has to deal with you–

Doumeki hugged him from behind and hummed in his hair.

–If you wanted to wear a skirt for me, I would not complain about it– he planted a kiss on his nape.

–Weren’t you the one that used to crossdress? And what does a skirt have anything to do with this? – he inquired while stirring the pot.

–You could be my secret girlfriend–

–Spare me from your pervert fantasies before dinner– Watanuki said ironically.

–It could be fun–

–Oh, shut up and go to wash your hands, dinner is ready–

Doumeki gave him another kiss on the nape and went to the bathroom while he served the food.

It was Valentine’s Day, the fifth together, so they were pretty chill about it now, they made time to be with the other and ate a nice dinner together.

–The lady from the bakery called me today– Watanuki commented over dinner. –She loved the pastries I baked so she requested me to stock it every week–

–That’s great– Doumeki said –Congratulations–

Watanuki smiled proudly, it has been a dream for him to open his own business now that he had finished culinary school, and even if he worked full time on a restaurant, all extra money was welcomed.

–She would be proud– Doumeki added when he kept looking at the pictures hung on his walls.

–I know–

Yuuko.

He never completely understood what happened, she never explained, but in general, she never did it. In a way, he felt lost, but also, he knew that there was nothing to be said that could have prepared him for her departure.

It happened one day, a few after his 19 birthday, he had this ‘dream’ where he saw Yuuko, it ended up not being one but the reality. Yuuko had been dying for so long, even before they met, even before he was born.

To say it devasted him wasn’t enough.

It was unfair, how these things could still be happening to him? How is that he was going to lose another important person? And there, in the darkness of his vision, a voice whispered.

– _You could wait for her_ –

Watanuki’s heart was shattered, and he felt like a kid again, remembering when they informed him that his parents were dead.

‘Why me?’, he asked himself, crying in the empty darkness after the last part of Yuuko disappeared.

– _Ask for it_ –

He lifted his head, there was no-one but him in this void, who is talking to him?

– _You could wait for her to come back_ –

–For how long? –

– _All the time it takes_ –

Watanuki opened his eyes in shook, in the back of his mind the shop was materializing, the doors opened for him and showed him the main room, where Yuuko’s pipe was laying.

He needed only to wish for it, seal the deal, but when his hand was reaching for Yuuko’s pipe he heard Himawari’s laugh.

He looked behind him, his memories floated in the void: the day he met Himawari, the first lunch they shared, his 17 birth-day, the first time Doumeki and he made love, the kiss that they shared on New Year’s Eve, the day he got the letter to confirm his attendance to culinary school, the cake Doumeki’s mother baked for him…

‘I want you to keep existing’, Yuuko’s wish came to his mind and he closed his eyes.

–Kimihiro! – Doumeki’s voice cut the dream, he awoke, still crying and holding to Yuuko’s kimono.

–She’s gone– he whispered before passing out.

The next time he awoke, there were light blue walls around him and the voices of all the people he knew were talking to him at once, it made his head hurt.

– _What are you going to do, Watanuki Kimihiro_? –

–I promised her– he said, and his mind went blank again.

This time he awoke in a known place, he was in Doumeki’s bedroom and he was alone. The pale moon shined through the window, making the room bright even if it was night time. Suddenly, the smell of tobacco filled the air, he turned his head towards the source and he saw Haruka.

The old man smiled apologetically at him.

–Don’t make her sad–

His body was pulled down from his core, the room dissolved into nothing, and he fell endlessly into the black void.

–I won’t– he closed his eyes.

–Kimihiro! –

He jolted awake, cold and crying. Doumeki was holding him between his arms, fingers digging into his flesh.

–Am I still dreaming? – he spoke softly after a few minutes when his head stopped buzzing but still afraid his mind would go insane if another vision appeared in front of him.

–You’re real, so I’m– Doumeki loosened his embrace and both glanced at each other.

–She’s gone, Shizuka– and for the rest of the night, Doumeki held him while he cried.

He missed her terribly and mourned her for a long time. It seemed that his pain wasn’t going anywhere, time wasn’t curing it, but the time it’s the only thing that we only really have, and for Yuuko, it was too much time that she never wanted, all because of a selfish wish, a love wish that became her living imprisonment.

Eventually, he found consolation in the quality of their time together and the last smile she gave him. His new family stayed with him all the time, especially Doumeki, who was there with him every day, to remind him to eat, shower, and to clip his nails, to hold him tight while he cried and to carry the burden with him, as he promised.

–Are you staying the night, right? – Watanuki asked after dinner and after they tried some of the chocolates that Doumeki got.

He nodded.

–I have some study to do–

Officially, they didn’t live together, but Doumeki slept in his home almost every day and went “home” to see his mother on the weekend, and usually, Watanuki went with him.

They had outgrown his tiny apartment, Doumeki’s clothes occupied space in his closet, his toothbrush was next to his and they even had to buy a new bookshelf to accommodate his textbooks and _mangas._ But Doumeki was in his final term so they didn’t really have the money to rent something bigger, between saving for his business and for a bigger place to live, they didn’t have much to spare.

Watanuki cleaned the kitchen and started to prepare the ingredients for the order that he had to make. Soft music came from the other room where Doumeki was sat down, wearing his favorites pajamas, with his textbooks and laptop over the table, studying for his exams.

While he peeled the apples, he kept looking at him, with his focused expression while he read and his mussed hair from the bath. Sometimes he felt it would take a lifetime to give back to Doumeki everything he had done for him, including giving up the temple so that one of his younger cousins could take care of it. Watanuki still felt guilty, even if for Doumeki it was a relief.

Still made him sort of sad knowing that they could never get married, to have a traditional wedding, or even enjoying the tax benefits were part of the dreams and rights they had to give up in order to be together. Doumeki’s mother offered them the option of having a symbolic wedding if they ever feel like having one in the temple, but even if the conversation has already taken place, neither of them had proposed.

He sighed and hummed along with the music. He was happy and he loved this simple life, waking up every day next to the person he loved, going to work and work hard, going back home, eating dinner, having a bath, going to bed, being able to go to the cinema and the market without horrible things terrorizing him, being able to live normally.

He couldn’t imagine his life if he had accepted the deal with the shop, why would he give up this? Especially when he had everything he always dreamed of. He looked up to his parents’ picture framed next to a black butterfly. ~~~~

–I’m good– he said, –I’m good–

**THE END**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, the last chapter. 
> 
> When I started to write this fic I wasn't sure if I was going to finish it, at first I wrote 6 chapters, and later when I decided to publish it I started to edit it, I began to add more context and fix some parts and I ended up with 16 chapters, I was like "Holy shit, this is too much", but I liked the way it turns out since I'm not a professional writer and hell, I don't even speak English! 
> 
> I hope everything was cleared in this last chapter. It always stuck to me that conversation that Yuuko and Doumeki had in S2 when the eye thing happened, and she said (at least in the Spanish version) "you have to teach him", it's seemed weird, I couldn’t find anywhere where Doumeki somehow explained Watanuki that he was an idiot and there were certain choices that hurt him also. That's why in the previous chapter Doumeki poured his mind and heart and actually spelled it for Watanuki to understand it. 
> 
> Thank you all for reading and commenting on this piece of work, I meant a lot to me. I haven't lost my hope that one day CLAMP is going to continue xxxHolic, and even if in the original series we know that Doumeki is so dead and so married (RIP) I would love to see at least one sweet smile from Watanuki to him (like the one he gave Sayaka in the last chapter, ugh, it kills me every time). 
> 
> (In the future expect minors changes, I'm planning on re-reading this whole thing to fix the grammar.)
> 
> Take care and stay safe!
> 
> -D.


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